Trice, Amanda… Kate McKinnon
Bob… Chris Hemsworth
Rod… Kenan Thompson
Sasheer Zamata
[Starts with Trice looking at the rain outside the window. Bob walks to Trice and holds her.]
Trice: We can’t do this. [Cut to Trice and Bob] You have to go.
Bob: Wait, why are you pushing me away? Is it because of my wife?
Trice: Your wife? No. It’s just that I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.
Bob: Hey, what’s wrong, Amanda? Let me help you.
Trice: No, you you can’t. I’m dying.
Bob: You’re dying?
Rod: Cut!
[Cut to Rod, Trice and Bob]
Rod: Good! Good job you guys. Good. The first take, Bob and Trice.
[Cut to Trice and Bob]
Bob: Thank you. Thank you. So, Rod, did you have any tips for us?
[Cut to Rod]
Rod: It wasn’t very good. So, how do we make it better? How can I help you get there emotionally? Oh, I know. I have a little trick that I used to tell the actors back in my youth when I was acting coach in the Jeffers-son’s.
[Cut to Trice and Bob]
Trice: The Jefferson’s.
[Cut to Rod, Trice and Bob]
Rod: Yes! On the Jeffers-son’s, it was so clear where each character was acting emotionally at all times.
Bob: Well, it’s an old sitcome, right? I can’t really say that I’ve ever seen his fire. I don’t know.
Rod: Well, let me show you what I mean. [Bob stands] When you hear that she’s dying, we need to see that moment sink in. React! And then snap it shut like a coin purse. Let me show you. Trice, could you feed me your line?
Trice: Yes, sure. [acting] I’m dying.
[Cut to Bob and Rod. Rod rotates his head a couple of times.]
Rod: [yelling] Dying? Did you see what I did?
Bob: Yeah. I did. Um, I don’t get it.
Rod: Well, let me break it down for you. It’s pretty easy. She says ‘dying’. Then you tuck your chin. Move your face down and around on a count of three. And then you come up and you shake it. And then you say, “Daaaaa-yin?” Okay? Let’s try one.
[Cut to Trice, Bob and Rod. Sasheer comes in with clapboard.]
Sasheer: Love Unfair, scene 8, take two.
[Rod and Sasheer walk out]
Rod: Take it from the couch… and action!
[Cut to Trice and Bob acting]
Bob: Why are you pushing me away? Is it because of my wife?
Trice: Your wife? No. It’s just that I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.
Bob: Hey, tell me what’s wrong, Amanda. Let me help.
Trice: [crying] You can’t. I’m dying.
[Bob rotates his head a couple of times.]
Bob: [yelling] Dying?
Rod: Great! Cut!
[Rod walks in]
Oh, that was it. Did that not feel better?
[Cut to Trice and Bob]
Bob: Ah! How long were you an acting coach on the Jefferson’s for?
[Cut to Rod]
Rod: One day. One very long day. But this is all good. Let’s keep going. [Cut to Rod, Trice an Bob] Now, Trice, you can do this too. [Cut to Rod and Bob] When he tells you that he has a wife, that should come as very big news.
Trice: No, no. My character knows that he is married. She knew it from the beginning.
Rod: Oh, yes. But now it’s really sinking in. So, let me show you. Snap that moment shut like this. Bob, what is your cue?
[Cut to Rod, Trice and Bob]
Bob: Um, is it because of my wife?
[Cut to Rod]
Rod: [Rod makes noises] Pa-pa-tsk-tsk-ki! Your wife?
[Cut to Rod and Trice]
Trice: I’m not doing that.
Rod: Well, of course you will make it your own. But it’s really easy. He says ‘wife’. You let your eyes go down the drain. And then you say “phrph-phu-tik-phu-phu” three times. And then you shake your face. And then snap it shut like a pair of snap phone. Okay? Let’s try it.
[Cut to Trice, Bob and Rod. Sasheer comes in with clapboard.]
Sasheer: Love Unfair, scene 8, take three.
[Rod and Sasheer walk out]
Rod: And action!
[Cut to Trice and Bob]
Trice: We can’t do this, you have to go.
Bob: Hey, why- why are you pushing me away? Is it because of my wife?
Trice: [shaking her head] Ta-Pa-pa-tsk-tsk-ki. Your wife? No. It’s just that I- I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.
Bob: Hey, wh- what’s wrong, Amanda? Let me help you.
Trice: [crying] You can’t. I’m dying.
[Bob rotates his head a couple of times.]
Bob: [yelling] Dying?
[stops acting]
This feel very weird.
[Cut to Rod]
Rod: Well, well, it doesn’t. Look it. It’s really coming together, you guys. But honestly, I think we can go a little bigger on the ‘your wife’. I think something like, “Pa-pa-tsk-tsk-ki-phrph-phu-tik-phu-phu. [yelling] Your wife?” I mean, what do you guys think?
[Cut to the set. The actors are gone.]
Wait, are they gone?
Sasheer: Yeah. Yeah.
Rod: So, they already got all of their stuff and they aren’t on the lot anymore?
Sasheer: Uh-huh.
Rod: Why?
Sasheer: They quit.
Rod: Bt-ti-ga-sh-ga-ti. [yelling] They quit? You see? It works.
[Sasheer looks impressed]
It just works.