Donna… Sarah Sherman
Ron… Pete Davidson[Starts with Ron And Donna’s Lacatza’s Formal Emporium commercial]
Donna: Oh-oh, there’s a nip in the air and everything’s dead. You know what that means?
Ron: It’s time for the most important day of your daughter’s life, her high school winter formal.
Donna: And if you want her to have an amazing time, call us Ron and Donna’s Lacatza. Our formal Emporium is your one stop shop for all your daughter’s school dance needs.
Ron: We’ve got corsages fresh from our garden.
Donna: We’ve got dresses that are as pretty as she is, depending on the girl.
Ron: And if you’re worried about your daughter having sex after the dance, don’t be. We have the perfect solution.
Donna: She can take our Shawn Donovan. Because Donovan…
Donna and Ron: Wouldn’t know where to start.
Shawn: Aw, come on.
Donna: We’ll also provide her with a photographer who will take gorgeous photos.
Ron: And a limousine that we made out of two gorgeous Toyota Corollas.
Donna: And we our sweaty Shawn, your daughter is guaranteed to remain un-penetrated.
Donna and Ron: And that’s a La-Costa promise.
Shawn: Um, maybe one day.
Ron: He’s not gonna try anything. The dude gets nervous shaking his grandma’s hand.
Donna: And he’s a lazy wiper. You can smell it.
Ron: And if you’re worried about what might go on at the after party, don’t be. Donovan’s got you covered. He medically can’t stay up past Donna0PM.
Shawn: When I get tired, I freak out.
Donna: Yum! Donovan’s just one of those kids who’s got one huge computer and two ugly friends.
Shawn: Shout out Scotty and Gavin.
Ron: Enough about off putting baby boy. Let’s talk to some satisfied customers.
Heidi: I rented a dress and I got a compliment from Jason Brzezinski.
Melissa: I rented a limo and me and my friends felt like rockstars.
Ariana: I rented Donovan and on the way there, he sat up front with the driver. And he had crowns on his lips the whole night.
Ron: Yes, you see, our boy’s always got something on his lips.
Donna: Gary, Gary, zoom in on those lip.
Ron: Yeah, yeah, zoom in. [camera zooms in to Donovan’s lips] Oh! That white stuff. What is it? Is it cream cheese?
Shawn: No. Let’s just say my mouth is like this.
Donna: Who’s giving you Cream cheese, huh? I’m sorry, sweetheart. Were you still going on about some over there?
Ariana: Oh, um, yeah. Well, he didn’t dance the whole night and then he went nuts to get low.[Starts shouting and dancing]
Shawn: To the sweat drop down in my balls!
Ariana: And then he got too hot and changed into like, a Los Pollos Hermanos t-shirt. Like, what even is that?
Shawn: I told you a million times. It’s the restaurant from Breaking Bad.
Ron: And if you’re somehow you’re still not convinced that our son is some secret Casanova, may we direct your attention to his clinical swamp ass.[Shawn’s pants are wet]
Shawn: Oh, no. Don’t spin me around.
Donna: Gary, zoom in to his wet little ass.
Ron: Yeah, zoom in, Gary. Look at his ass.
Donna: Gary, zoom.
Ron: It’s so soupy.
Donna: It’s wet, Gary.
Ron: It’s so soupy. We don’t mean to embarrass you, Donovan, but it looks like you pissed yourself from the back.
Donna: How did he end up like this?
Ron: Well, parenting is so hard.
Donna: And I drank while I was pregnant.
Donna and Ron: And that’s a Lacatza promise.
Shawn: What is? w[music starts playing]
Ron: Oh my god. That’s my boy’s song.
Shawn: Ay, I love this song.
Donna: So, stop by today. We do not have a website and we barely have a phone