Nadine… Aidy Bryant
Daniel Craig
[Starts with Nadine preparing her salad at night.]Nadine: Shh, shh, shh.
[music playing] [singing] My family’s on the sleepSo I won’t make a peep
I’ll cook all night my most delicious recipe
I still have quite a surprise
In the morning when they rise
They’ll take a big bite
of my overnight salad
It’s not easy to make
Lots of ingredients it takes
But it’s worth it to serve
my overnight salad
Take a little bit o’ lettuce
Sprinkle in some cheese
A little scoche of lemon
And a gallon of mayo
So many raisins
An insane amount o’ pepper
Now you’re makin’ a salad
54 hot dogs
Look who’s back, it’s mayo
Don’t skimp on the Fritos
and root beer
The croutons are cookies
Add the pizza top, of course
Then I let it sit all night
on the radiator
In the morning when they rise
My daughters’ eyes fill with pride
When they take a big bite
of my overnight salad
The ultimate prize
My husband, king of the guys
When he chomps into a slice
of my overnight salad
It’s all over their face
My family loves the taste
Daniel: Oh my God, Nadine, this tastes like [bleep]! [her daughter pukes] What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you were gonna make a salad!
Nadine: It’s my overnight salad.
Daniel: Mayonnaise and lettuce left out all night? [angrily standing] You need help, Nadine!
Daughter: Mommy, Baxter’s not moving.
[her dog is laying on the couch sick]Nadine: I gave him a bite of my overnight salad.
Daniel: Are you happy, Nadine. You killed the f—– dog! Are you stupid? Your brain is sick!
Nadine: Maybe it just needs a big scoop of mayo.
[Daniel spits out a coin]Daniel: There’s a quarter in my salad! Why?
[music playing]Nadine: [singing] Well, the quarter is the thing…
[music stops]Daniel: Nadine, Nadine, no, no, no. Just stop! Come on, girls. Let’s go. Come on.
Nadine: Well, I guess I’m gonna have to eat this whole thing myself. Doo dee doo dee doo overnight salad.
[Cut to Nadine’s tomb.] [The End]