Tag: Sally

Sally O’Malley- Jonas Brothers

Ross… Kenan Thompson

Gretel… Chloe Fineman

Bowen… Bowen Yang

Sally O’Malley… Molly Shannon

[Starts with a group of ladies dancing. Ross walks in]

Ross: Okay, okay, sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt girls. Take a break. Gretel, Bowen, come on, we need to talk.

Bowen: Oh, hey, what’s up Ross?

Ross: Well, as the Jonas Brothers manager, part of my job is to deliver bad news. The boys want to hire new choreographer.

Gretel: You can’t fire us. We invented Joe bro choreo.

Bowen: Yeah, I gave Nick his head bop. He used to go side to side, and I told him to go up and down with a finger shimmy.

Ross: Be that as it may, the boys feel that they’re not a teenybopper band anymore. And they’re about to start their Vegas residency,so they want a more mature stage act.

Bowen: Mature? Who Do they think can do that?

Ross: It’s hard to describe, easier to see. Let her in.

[Sally O’Malley walks in]

Sally O’Malley: My name is Sally O’Malley. I’m 50 years old. Not one of those gals who’s afraid to tell a real age. And I like to kick, stretch and kick. I’m 50. 50 years old. 50 years old.

Ross: That’s right. The boys were visiting their grandmother and she took them to her senior centers production of Annie, and Sally here was scarring and she rocked their world. And they don’t want to fire anybody. They were just hoping that, you know, you could let Sally add a little something.

Bowen: Okay, Sally, what little something do you think you could add?

Sally O’Malley: Top five decades of Dirty Dancing and red panting. I got half a century of sizzlin, my lady schnitzel. Nothing wrong with that. Being a woman. The Grand Canyon’s got nothing on me.

Bowen: You know, I’ve engineered my entire life so I would never have to see what I just saw. And Russell, are you sure she’s 50?

Sally O’Malley: Honey, I’ve been 50 since before you was born.

Ross: Can you please just gave it a try? The boys feel that Sally represents who they are now.

Gretel: Do they? Then tell us who you are Sally.

Sally O’Malley: Listen, I’m a choo choo Charlie and a class act.

Bowen: Russell, I love you. I just think the Jonas Brothers are making a huge mistake.

Joe Jonas: Oh, is that what you think, huh?

Sally O’Malley: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Neil, Kalvin and John.

Nick Jonas: Yeah, Nick, Joe and Kevin. And we came by because we the feeling they may not understand your new concept. So I wanted to show him.

[The Jonas brothers open their clothes, and inside they’re wearing similar outfit to Sally O’Malley.]

Sally O’Malley: You looking good boys. Now put some bonus in your Jonas. Now hit it Russell.

[music playing]

Hip, hip
arms, arms
now kick, stretch
kick, stretch, kick, stretch

Bowen: Wait a second. Wait a second. Oh my god. I am so sorry I ever doubted you, Sally. I see it now. You’re gonna put the boys on stage in packed stadiums around the world and they’re gonna..

Joe: Kick.

Kevin: Stretch.

Nick: And jump.

Sally O’Malley: Jump? Neil, you’re fired.

Joe: Wait a second, Sally. You can take his place.

Kevin: Yeah, that’s a great idea. Do you know any of her songs?

Sally O’Malley: Absolutely not. I’m 50 years old. 50.

Wells Fargo Wagon

Winthrop… Kyle Mooney

Mason… Bobby Moynihan

Aidy Bryant

Cecily Strong

Kenan Thompson

Sasheer Zamata

Kate McKinnon

Mikey Day

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Sally… Melissa Villaseñor

Pete Davidson

[Starts with The Music Man intro]

Announcer: You’re watching The Music Man on Turner Classis Movies. So either you’re an old woman or a young gay man.

[Cut to Winthrop running to Mason and Aidy]

Winthrop: Mason! Mason!

Mason: Why, hello there Winthrop.

Winthrop: [speaking while spitting everywhere] When do you think us kids are going to receive our musical instruments?

Aidy: Oh, I guess Winthrop still working on that lisp.

[Cut to Winthrop getting angry]

Winthrop: Say it to my face, bitch!

Mason: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Cut to all] Okay, easy Winthrop. I think everyone’s just a little excited about these instruments. [bell ringing] Oh, and listen that could be them arriving right now.

[Cut to Cecily dancing and singing]

Cecily: Oho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is coming down the street

[Cut to Kenan and Sasheer walking in]

Kenan: Oh, please let it be for me

Sasheer: Oh, oh, oh, Well’s Fargo Wagon is coming down the street 

[Cut to Cecily]

Cecily: I wish, I wish I knew what it could be

[Kate walks in]

Kate: I got a box of sugar on my birthday

Aidy: In March I got a grey macintos 

[Cut to 8, Kenan and Sasheer]

Mikey: And once I got some great fruits from Tampa

All: Oho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is coming down the street

Oh please let it be for me

[Cut to Winthrop]

Winthrop: It could be something for someone who is no relation

[Cut to all]

All: Or it could be something very, very special now just for me

[The wagon arrives and everyone is excited.]

Lin-Manuel: Well, hello River city.

Winthrop: Our instruments.

Sally: Do you have my clarinet?

Pete: Yeah, what about my flute or whatever?

[Cut to Lin-Manuel]

Lin-Manuel: Wells Fargo’s got something even better than instruments. They’re called bank accounts. And I’m giving everyone at least three of them.

Pete: Yeah! Wait, what?

Lin-Manuel: That’s right. Everyone gets a bank account. What’s your name son?

Winthrop: Winthrop.

Lin-Manuel: Okay, what’s your name?

Sally: Sally.

Lin-Manuel: I’ve got an accounted for you, Sally. And for your dog.

[Cut to Mason and Aidy]

Mason: Um, sir, I don’t think these children or their dogs need bank accounts.

[Cut to Lin-Manuel]

Lin-Manuel: Oh, sure they do. In fact this whole town needs bank account. Like you sir, and you ma’am, and this skinny gentleman over here.

[He’s pointing at the mailbox]

Kate: That’s a mailbox!

[Cut to the children and Lin-Manuel]

Pete: Why are you doing this, sir?

Lin-Manuel: Do you know what a code is kid? A code is a target I need to hit or I’m a dead man. So, what do you say? Do you want to kill me? Or do you want to shut up and get a credit card?

[Cut to the children]

Winthrop: But sir, you’re threatening customers. Isn’t that fraud?

[Cut to Lin-Manuel]

Lin-Manuel: Is it little frog? No, it’s a credit card.

[Cut to Winthrop]

Winthrop: I said fraud. I think you heard me say frog.

[Cut to Lin-Manuel looking around]

Lin-Manuel: Everybody hates this kid, right?

[Cut to Mason and Aidy]

Aidy: Well, I think the boy is right.

[Kenan walks in]

Kenan: Yes, if Wells Fargo keeps doing this, they’re going to get in trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble with the camp–

[Lin-Manuel slaps Kenan]

Lin-Manuel: Can you shut the hell up? You don’t understand the pressure I’m in. These Wells Fargo are jackals. As the matter of fact, they took my daughter.

[Cut to Mason and Aidy]

Mason: No, they didn’t.

[Cut to Lin-Manuel]

Lin-Manuel: Okay, you got me. Sales technique. But come on. You got to help me out on this. If I have to face my boss tomorrow with nothing, I shall poopie my pants.

[Winthrop approaches Lin-Manuel]

Winthrop: Hey, Mr., I’ll take one bank account please.

Lin-Manuel: Wow, I was all wrong about you kid. You’re a real pal. That’s why I’m also gonna give you something called an exploding mortgage. That sounds pretty cool, huh?

Winthrop: It sure does. [spitting on Lin-Manuel]

Lin-Manuel: You gotta learn how to talk man. I’m like, drenched.

[music playing]

Winthrop: It could be something for someone with no relation

Lin-Manuel: Or it could be…

All: Yes, it could be, yes you’re right, it sure could be

Lin-Manuel: Oh, and on the way in I ran over three kids.

All: Just for me.

Winthrop: Wells Fargo, sorry.