Just Like You

Taylor… Chloe Fineman

Sandy… Cecily Strong

Grandma… Kate McKinnon

Benedict Cumberbatch

[Starts with Taylor using phone in her bed]

[Sandy walks in]

Sandy: Hey, no phone. You’re grounded. Remember?

Taylor: Oh my God, I didn’t even do anything that bad mom.

Sandy: Really? Taylor, you came home drunk? You’re 17 years old.

Taylor: Come on, like you never drank when you were my age?

Sandy: In high school? No, not even a SIP. Never.

[cut to flashbacks of Sandy when she was young partying and getting drunk]

[cut back to present]

Alcohol was not even on my radar at your age.

[cut to Sandy throwing up]

Boy: Yo, it’s not a party until sloppy sandy pukes

Sandy: I’m okay.

[cut back to present]

Taylor: Well, sorry, I’m not just like you, mom. Sorry. I’m not perfect.

Sandy: I wasn’t perfect, Taylor. I made mistakes. I did things that I regret.

[cut to Sandy having sex with Mikey at the backseat of the car]

Mikey: I can’t believe we’re not virgins anymore.

[cut back to prsent]

Sandy: I did a couple things I regret.

[cut to Sandy having sex with Bown at the backseat of the car]

Bowen: Can’t believe we’re not virgins anymore.

Sandy: I know, right?

[cut back to present]

Taylor: Name one mistake you made.

Sandy: Okay. You know what? Fine. Here’s one. I failed a test once. It was a big test.

[cut to Sandy being tested for DUI}

Sandy: I’m sorry.

[cut back to present]

Sandy: The point is, I never did anything so stupid, it followed me through my whole life. [There’s a picture of a marijuana leavs having dreadlocks and wearing hippie cap on her ass]

[Grandma walks in]

Grandma: Everything alright here?

Taylor: Yeah, grandma. We’re fine. Mom, you want to keep telling me how much of a dum bass I am.

Grandma: Wow!

Mom: Taylor! Can you believe the way she speaks to me? I would never have spoken to your grandma that way.

[cut to Sandy at her young age having argument with her mom]

Sandy: Suck my beef, you old bitch.

[cut back to present]

Grandma: No, we always got along pretty well.

[cut to Sandy and her mom having argument]

Grandma: Sandy, if I catch you smoking cigarettes again, I will shave your fucking hair.

[cut back to present]

Grandma: Now, Taylor, your mom told me got a little while at a party. I’m all for having fun, but call me old fashioned, I think there’s a certain way that a young lady ought to behave.

[cut to when grandma was young. She’s at David Bowie’s concert]

Grandma when she was young: David Bowie! I love you, David. David, my panties. David!

[cut back to present]

Taylor: I know.

Granda: Okay? Let’s have dinner. Love you.

Taylor: You told grandma?

Mom: Of course I did, honey. I’m worried about you.

[Ben walks in]

Ben: What are you worried about?

Taylor: Nothing. I’m fine. I went to one party. Meanwhile, mom’s acting like she never had fun in her life.

Ben: Ha-ha. Well, and I met your mind college, she certainly knew how to have a good time.

Sandy: Hey…

Ben: But she always kept it in control.

[cut to when Ben and Sandy were young at a party]

Ben: How many pills did you take?

Sandy: Three. What is the problem?

Ben: You blew my roommate.

Sandy: I thought it was you.

[cut back to present]

Ben: She’s telling you, it’s only because she loves us so much.

Taylor: I know.

Sandy: I’m just trying to look out for you. Come here. Give me a hug. You know you’re still grounded. But you can have your phone back.

Taylor: Yes!

[message notification]

Siri: Text Message from Ryan. Parents gone. Come over for eggplant emoji.

Sandy: Never mind. You know, I know what this means. Yeah.

[cut to message screen]

Message: You may not have been a perfect person, but you’e a perfect mom. Happy mother’s day.

Thanksgiving Baking Championship

Host… Alex Moffat

Stacy… Sarah Sherman

Mike… Simu Liu

Sandy… Heidi Gardner

Judges… Ego Nwodim, Pete Davidson, Aidy Bryant

[Starts with show intro]

Male voice: We now return to the Thanksgiving Baking Championship.

[Cut to bakes and the host]

Host: Okay, Baker’s. Time is up. Today’s theme was giving thanks and you had two hours to create cakes based on what you’re most thankful for. First up is home Baker, Stacy.

Stacy: Hi, judges. I can’t believe I’m here.

Ego: We’re glad you are. Now tell us what you made today.

Stacy: Well, I always worried I would never have children. So, this year I’m thankful for my beautiful baby girl who turns three this Thanksgiving. So, my cake is bubblegum sponge covered in sweet vanilla fondant. And my little girl just had her first dance recital so she’s wearing a pink tutu made of Spun Sugar.

Pete: That is adorable. I’m dying.

Stacy: Thank you. I’m almost as proud of her as I am with the cake.

Ego: Oh, well. Let’s see it.

[Stacy shows the judges her cake. It’s bad.]

Stacy: Yeah, I messed up.

Pete: Whoa, Stacy. It looks like you had a little trouble there.

Stacy: Yeah, I messed up. I thought if I pretended to cry, you wouldn’t noticed that my cake was bad.

Aidy: Okay, so where did you go wrong?

Stacy: Yeah. I had trouble was her head. So, I turned into a diaper. And then I put a yellow legs on her. I don’t I don’t know.

Ego: Well let’s sample the cake.

[The judges taste the cake]

Pete: Okay, I’m getting a lot of mustard.

Stacy: Yeah, I do not know how to bake. I also do not have a daughter. I made that all up.

Host: Wow, you are a mess. Next up is home Baker and amateur rapper, Mike.

Mike: Hi, judges. Happy bakesgiving.

Pete: [eating the cake] Ay, cute pun. And Mike, I have to ask. You rap?

Mike: Oh, I really do. And if I may.

[rapping] My name is Mike and I’m here to bake
the make the cake, the–

Aidy: Wow! Got a little tongue tied there. But let’s hear what you’re thankful for.

Mike: Well, this year I’m most thankful for time with friends and family. So, in the spirit of abundance, I made two cakes. So, first is a pilgrim made from butterscotch pound cake and European buttercream. The second cake is a faux Turkey made with Angel Food and caramel icing. Save me a drumstick. Save me a drumstick.

Ego: Wow, two cakes. That’s a fast. Let’s see them.

[Mike shows the judges his cakes. They’re really bad.]

Mike: Yeah, I did it wrong.

Pete: Oh! Mike! What happened?

Mike: I think just total lack of imagination and ability.

Ego: Why did you give the pilgrim red lips?

Mike: I don’t know. I don’t remember doing any of this.

Host: Oh, that’s too bad. Next up is returning contestant, Sandy.

Sandy: Hi, judges. I pulled out all the stops today with my three layer fall Fantasia maple bourbon wedding cake.

[Sandy shows the judges her cake. It looks fantastic.]

[the judges are whispering]

Aidy: Okay.

Host: Next up is Ralph.

Sandy: What? No! This is good.

Pete: Well, you said it’s three layers and this is only two.

Sandy: His cake is horrible and you didn’t even taste it.

Ego: Alright, Mike, can we taste you cake?

Mike: Really? Uh, yeah, sure. I guess.

[While Mike tries to cut the cake, the cake opens its eyes and screams]

Ego: Mike did your cake just open its eyes and scream. How’s it doing that?

Mike: I don’t know. I think my cake is so bad, I opened a portal to hell.

Pete: Well, we still need to taste it.

Mike: Of course, of course.

[Mike tries to cut another cake. The cake starts puking.]

Aidy: Mike., did the pilgrim just barf on the turkey?

Mike: I believe it did, ma’am. It’s squeamish, I guess.

Sandy: That’s so disgusting. That is not up to baking challenge standards.

[Mike’s cake turns towards Sandy and starts puking on her]

Oh my god! Ew!

Ego: Well, Sandy, you asked for that.

Mike: Argh! Should I go? I feel like I should go.

Pete: No, Mike, it’s anyone’s game. Ralph?

5: Well, it’s easy to look back at Thanksgivings of old. But what will Thanksgivings be in the future? Thanks to a new era of space travel, we may know sooner than we think. My cake is a tribute to that.

[5 shows the judges his cake. It looks like a penis ejaculating.]

Aidy: Okay. And the white stuff is like the re-entering the atmosphere?

5: Yes, ma’am. And the spunk is icing.

Ego: Looks like we have a tough decision to make.

Sandy: No, you don’t.

Holiday Baking Championship 2020

Host… Alex Moffat

Louisa… Lauren Holt

William… Timothée Chalamet

Sandy… Heidi Gardner

Ralph… Kyle Mooney

Judges… Ego Nwodim, Beck Bennett, Cecily Strong

[Starts with a show intro]

Male voice: We now return to the Holiday Baking Championship on the Food Network.

[Cut to the set. There are four contestants and one host. The contestants have covered their cakes with a present boxes.]

Host: Alright, bakers. Today’s challenge was ‘holiday wishes’ where you had two hours to make the cake of your holiday dreams. First up before the judges is home baker Louisa.

Louisa: Merry Christmas, your honors.

Ego: No, Louis, we’re not that kind of judges.

Louisa: Phew! Ha-ha-ha.

Beck: Okay. Why don’t you tell us about your cake?

Louisa: Thank you. Growing in Texas, snow is a rarity. [explain her dream cake] So, I dreamt of a winter wonderland made of peppermint butter cream. It looks like Mr. Elf has taken a day off from his shelf with his taffy skis and coconut lime ski hat.

Cecily: That’s so cute, Louisa. And I loved the sense emotion. Are you ready to show us?

Louisa: I am. [Louisa reveals her cake. It looks really bad.] I messed up. It’s bad.

Ego: Oh, no. What happened? Did you get too ambitious?

Louisa: Yeah. Bit off more than I could chew and then I choked on that bite, and then I threw up this.

Beck: And the legs?

Louisa: Are a plastic baby doll. I am sorry.

Cecily: Should we taste it?

Louisa: As long as you’re not allergic to mustard. I failed.

Host: Wow. Not a great start. But next up is amateur college student, William.

William: Hi, judges.

Cecily: Hi, William. I love your hat. Why don’t you tell us about yourself?

William: Well, ma’am, , I shouldn’t even be here today because, well, two years ago I was hit by a car.

Cecily: You poor thing. Hit by a car?

William: Yes, ma’am. I got in a fight with Lightening McQueen at Disney World. Yeah. In my defense, I was drunk.

Beck: Why don’t you just tell us about your Christmas wish?

William: Well, my Christmas wish is, I wanted diversity and peace. So, I made a cake with Santas around the world. El Nino Dios from Mexico, Baba Noel from Afghanistan and Hoeiosho from Japan.

Ego: Oh my goodness. That’s maybe the most inspired design concept we’ve had on the show.

Cecily: I know. I’m tearing up just a little bit thinking about it. Can we see it?

William: Oh, yes. Of course. [William reveals his cake. It looks bad. It looks like a butt hole.] Oh no. God! It didn’t work.

Beck: Oh my god! What is that?

William: I don’t know. I put it in the oven and it came out like this.

Ego: Can we show that cake on TV?

William: What do you mean?

Beck: Well, it looks like– Well, it looks like one of two things.

William: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Beck: Why is it puckering?

[The cake is moving]

William: I think maybe it needs to go outside.

Beck: What? No. I don’t like that. Next.

Host: Next up is Sandy. Sandy, tell us about your cake.

Sandy: Well, my Christmas wish was also of unity. [Sandy just reveals her cake. It looks really great.] I made a cake depicting children from all over the world singing around the tree. Tada! What do you think?

Cecily: [not giving much credit for the work] Oh, it’s cute.

Host: Next up is Ralph.

Sandy: That’s it? That’s what you’re going to say?

Ego: It’s just kind of busy. My eye doesn’t know where to go.

Beck: I say you kind of copied William’s concept.

Sandy: Well, he didn’t even make it.

William: Oh, no! [Brown stuff starts coming out of the ‘butt hole’ of William’s cake.]

Cecily: What’s happening?

William: I don’t know. I think the chocolate lava cider maybe got too hot. I don’t know. My life is cursed and so is this cake.

Sandy: Ew! I see corn.

William: That’s a marshmallow. Grow up.

Host: Okay. Well, last but not least is Ralph. Ralph, I’m thinking this one’s your’s to lose, pal. What was your Christmas wish?

Ralph: My wish is for something you don’t see every Christmas. But when you do, oh boy! Is it special.

Ego: Alright. Let’s see it.

[Ralph reveals his cake. It has a penis on it.]

Beck: So, it’s a Christmas turkey?

Ralph: No, sir. It’s penis and balls of course.

Beck: Got it. Nice job.

Sandy: Nice job?

William: Oh god! Help. It’s got me. [William’s hands are getting sucked inside the cake]

Cecily: Wow. Well, we have another tough decision to make.

Beck: Yes. But not Sandy, right?

Host: We’ll be back with the judge’s decision right after this.

William: Oh, no. Seriously, I need help guys. Please.

Corporate Retreat

Gary… Mikey day

Sandy… Sasheer Zamata

Jim… Beck Bennett

Melissa Villaseñor

Cecily Strong

Felicity Jones

Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Gary and Sandy on the stage announcing their show]

Gary: Alright, welcome to Night 2 of the Hartford Pharmaceuticals Corporate Retreat here at Aston Waikiki Beach Hotel.

Sandy: And a big shout out again to Jim R. from Sedona who wowed us all with his beautiful Hula dancing skills last night.

Gary: Yeah. You sure filled out that hula skirt, Jim.

Jim: Guess what? I didn’t wear underwear.

Gary: Yeah, Jim, we know.

Sandy: Yeah, we saw that.

Jim: Ha-ha-ha. Nice, it was seen.

Gary: Okay. So, Sandy and I were arguing earlier and she thinks people who work in pharmaceuticals are stuffy.

Sandy: That’s right. But, here’s your chance to prove me wrong. Tonight, you’re the entertainment.

Gary: That’s right. It’s Jokey Okey. It’s like Karaoke without music or singing.

Sandy: It’s just you guys telling your favorite jokes. So who wants to go first?

Gary: Oh! Looks like I got someone right up at table three.

[Melissa is raising her hand]

Melissa: She has a joke.

Cecily: Huh? No, I don’t.

Felicity: Yes, you do. the joke from your joke book.

[All Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are speaking weirdly and expressionlessly.]

Cecily: Oh, from my joke book? Oh, I guess I can do it.

Gary: Alright. Let’s hear it.

Cecily: Okay. So, there were two prostitutes sitting in a bar and one says, “Wanna know why I’m so popular?” And she takes a banana and she puts it all the way into her mouth and down. And the bartender says, “Oh, wow! So what makes you popular?” And the second one doesn’t say anything. She just slides down the base of the stool because it goes inside her because she’s so loose.

[Gary and Sandy are shocked]

Sandy: Okay. Well, the seagull was a fan of that.  Who’s next?

Felicity: I have one. Look at me.

Gary: Um, well we jsut had one from your table, so we’re gonna spread it around a little bit.

Felicity: Um, nobody’s hands are up and I’m ready to go. So I’m gonna do it.

Gary: Okay, just one more.

Felicity: Here it goes. What’s the difference between oral and anal relations? One makes your whole night and one makes your whole week (hole weak). Not week like seven days, weak like damaged. Or loose.

[Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are giggling]

[Gary takes the mic back]

Gary:  Okay! I think we covered being loose. What else do the people have? [Melissa pulls the mic] Okay. You’ve already done it.

Melissa: Not me. So a man has a sore rear hole. So the doctor tells the guy to take off all his pants and he reaches in there.

Cecily: With that? His hand?

Melissa: Yeah. He reaches up and pulls out a bouquet of flowers.

Felicity: They were roses.

Gary: Wow, okay. Excellent.

Melissa: So the doctor says, “Sir, did you know you have flowers inside you? What gives?” And the patient says, “Well, read the card.”

Cecily: I guess he must have been pretty loose back there.

[Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are giggling]

Gary: Wow. All your jokes deal with being loose. I guess comedy is not for everybody, right folks?

[Kate walks in]

Kate: Hey! Who the hell are you to talk to these women like that? Okay? Maybe no one’s laughing because they’re thinking. These are thinkers. That’s what they call it in the biz.  I know because I dated Richard Lewis before I met the love of my life. Maybe you didn’t like all these those jokes about being loose… coz you’re so uptight.

[Everybody clapping for Kate]

Jim: My beautiful wife. My wife is right, you jackass!

Gary: [confused] Am I missing something? How did I become the bad guy here?

Sandy: She’s right, Gary. You’ve been a jerk all day.

Gary: What?

Sandy: Ladies, you got another one in here?

Cecily: That’s what she said. Oh, wait. No, no. She said, “No, but I would like another one in me.”

Felicity: That’s how loose she is.

Melissa: [giggling] And that’s what he said.

[Melissa, Cecily and Felicity are giggling]

[The End]

Holiday Baking Championship

Alex Moffat

Claudia… Cecily Strong

Aidy Bryant

Ego Nwodim

Beck Bennett

Mitch… Eddie Murphy

Sandy… Heidi Gardner

Ralph… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Holiday Baking Championship intro]

Announcer: We now return to the holiday baking championship.

[Cut to the show]

Host: All right, Bakers. It’s time to show your holiday creations to the judges. Today’s theme was Christmas past. You had to hours to make cakes based on childhood memories. First up is home baker, Claudia.

[Cut to Claudia]

Claudia: Hi judges, Merry Christmas.

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy: Merry Christmas to you. Sweetie, why don’t you tell us what you made today.

[Cut to Claudia]

Claudia: My cake is a tribute to my father who gave my daughter her favorite Christmas memory by taking her to see the movie Frozen. So my cake is beautiful Elsa made from peppermint sponge cake. And her hair do is made from over Host,000 braided strands of icing. And I’m not gonna ‘let it go’ because I want to win.

[Cut to Ego and Beck]

Ego: Wow. That sounds very ambitious. Let’s see your cake.

[Cut to Claudia]

Claudia: With pleasure.

[Claudia reveals her cake. It looks horrible.]

Ego: Claudia!

Claudia: Yeah. Now that it’s in the light, I see that it’s bad.

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy: Yeah, sweetie, it kind of looks like it has some kind of DNA problem.

[Cut to Claudia]

Claudia: I would love to say that’s intentional.

[Cut to the judges]

Ego: Well, let’s taste it.

[the judges take a bite]

Beck: Oh, is there garlic in this?

[Cut to Claudia]

Claudia: Probably. At one point I blacked out and I started making pasta. Just forget it. It’s bad. I’m bad.

[Cut to Host]

Host: Oh! That’s unfortunate. Next up is Mitch.

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: Hi, judges. I can’t believe I’m here. I want to say that you look so much more attractive in person.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck: Okay. Thanks. Who’s your Christmas memory?

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: My children have grown up in Napa. One of my favorite memory is playing video games on Christmas mornings. So cake is that speedy rascal Sonic the Hedgehog. It is made from royal icing and the shoes are made from hot cinnamon and the speed lines are red licorice.

[Cut to Ego]

Ego: Wow, really interesting flavor profile.

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: I only get one shot at this and I didn’t want to hedgehog my bets.

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: I love that you came to play. Let’s see it.

[Mitch reveals his cake. It looks horrible and its brown in color.]

Beck: Good god, Mitch.

Mitch: That’s bad. It’s gross. Real bad.

Ego: What went wrong?

Mitch: I think I just made a lot of bad choices. I mean in general in my life.

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: And why is it brown, Mitch?

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: I don’t know. Why is anything brown?

[Cut o Aidy]

Aidy: Okay. Land are those human teeth in its mouth?

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: That’s correct. The teeth are human.

[Cut to Host]

Host: Okay. Next up is Sandy. Sandy, hopefully things went better for you.

[Cut to Sandy]

Sandy: No complaints. My Christmas memory is watching Frosty with my grandma. And here he is, all come to life.

[Sandy reveals her cake. It looks really good.]

So what do you think?

[Cut to Aidy]

Aidy: That’s frosty all right.

[Cut to Host]

Host: Next up is Ralph.

[Cut to Sandy]

Sandy: Wait! That’s it? Hang on. My cake is definitely better than his. I mean, look. It’s on fire!

[Cut to Mitch’s cake. Its literally on fire.]

Mitch: Is that true? I think it is trying to kill itself.

[the cake is speaking something]

[Cut to the judges]

Ego: I’m sorry, Mitch. What is that language it’s speaking?

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: That’s some evil backwards devil talk. I believe I opened up a portal and I am so bad at baking.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck: Should we destroy it?

[Cut to Mitch’s cake speaking in old lady voice]

Mitch’s cake: No. Please don’t hurt me. I love you.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck: What is that voice?

[Cut to Mitch]

Mitch: It is in your grandmother’s voice to trick and you drag you to hell.

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy: That’s very disturbing. At least you took risks.

[Cut to Sandy]

Sandy: Excuse me?

[Cut to Host]

Host: Okay. Next up is Ralph. What is your Christmas memory?

[Cut to Ralph]

Ralph: My favorite Christmas memory is Cinderella.

[Cut to the judges]

Ego: That doesn’t quite make sense but let’s see it.

[Ralph reveals his cake. The castle looks like penis.]

[Cut to the judges]

Beck: Okay. Festive but what are those things on the side?

[cut to Ralph]

Ralph: That’s her penis castle, of course. That’s where Cinderella goes when she’s tired from all the balls.

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy: Well, we have another tough decision to make.

[Cut to Sandy and Mitch]

Sandy: That’s incorrect.

[Mitch’s cake speaks something]

Mitch: Thank you pal, we can still win this thing.

[Cut to Host]

Host: We’ll be back the judge’s decision right after this.

Extreme Baking Championship | Season 44 Episode 13

Show host… Alex Moffat

Ralph… Kyle Mooney

Chantal… Leslie Jones

Jimmy…Don Cheadle

Sandy… Heidi Gardner

Judges… Aidy Bryant, Beck Bennett, Ego Nwodim

[Starts with Extreme Baking Championship intro]

Narrator: We not return to the Extreme Baking Championship on the food network.

[Cut to the show. The contestants are panicking.]

Show host: All right, bakers. I’m sorry to say this, [Cut to Show host] but time is up.

[Cut to Ralph and Sandy]

Ralph: My word!

[Cut to Jimmy and Chantal]

[Cut to Show host]

Show host: Today’s extreme baking theme was cartoon confection and each of you had two hours to make cakes featuring beloved cartoon characters. Now it’s time to present your cakes to the judges. [Cut to Chantal, Show host and the judges] First up is home baker, Chantal.

Chantal: Hi, judges. I’m so excited.

Aidy Bryant: Hi, Chantal. Tell us what you made today, sweetie.

[Cut to Chantal]

Chantal: Well, my character was Olaf the Snowman from the movie ‘Frozen’. [Cut to animated visualization of the cake’s concept] My design uses a marshmallow structure to create a delicious 3D snow bank. Olaf is made from sponge cake and he skated on a frozen pond made of sponge sugar. [Cut to Chantal] Cold never bothered him anyway.

[Cut to the judges]

Ego Nwodim: It’s very ambitious. You did all that in two hours?

[Cut to Chantal]

Chantal: Yes, ma’am. I did.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck Bennett: All right, let’s see it, Chantal.

[Cut to Chantal. She opens the cake box and her cake is terribly made.]

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy Bryant: Wow! Chantal, looks like you had some problems.

[Cut to Chantal]

Chantal: Yes, I had some problems and I did a bad job.

[Cut to the judges]

Ego Nwodim: What went wrong?

[Cut to Chantal]

Chantal: I think my nerves got the best of me and also I’m bad.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck Bennett: All right, well let’s go ahead and taste your cake. [The judges taste the cake]

[Cut to Chantal]

Chantal: Is it good?

[Cut to the judges]

Ego Nwodim: No, it’s not. No.

[Cut to Chantal]

Chantal: I know. I did a bad job.

[Cut to Show host]

Show host: Thank you. All right. Now, next up is home baker and go-to-work dad, Jimmy.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Hey, judges. I want this so bad and I’m ready to compete.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck Bennett: That’s great, Jimmy. Tell us what you did today.

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Well, tickle me excited because my character was Tickle Me Elmo’s best friend, the Cookie Monster.

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy Bryant: Weird way to get there, but okay. Okay.

[Cut to animated visualization of the cake’s concept]

Jimmy: I used vanilla sponge cake covered in blueberry royal icing and cookie’s about to hang ten on his brand new skateboard made of taffy. And is that a chocolate chip cookie road he is skating on? [Cut to Jimmy] The answer is, Frick, yes.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck Bennett: Jimmy, that sounds incredible.

Aidy Bryant: Are you happy with how it turned out?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Yes, ma’am, I am.

[Cut to the judges]

Ego Nwodim: Well, let’s see it. Oh, Jimmy.

[Cut to Jimmy’s cake box. Jimmy opens the box and the cake is terribly made.]

Jimmy: It’s bad. I did a bad job.

[Cut to the judges]

Aidy Bryant: What went wrong?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: You know, I think just me being here and everything I did while I was here.

[Cut to the judges]

Beck Bennett: And you wrote the name Shawn on the cake. Who is Sean?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: I don’t know. I don’t know Sean. I don’t know why I wrote that.

[Cut to Show host]

Show host: Well, that’s too bad. Next up is Sandy. Sandy, tell us what you made.

[Cut to Sandy]

Sandy: Hi, judges. My character was the undersea optimist, Spongebob. He came out so good. I’m just going to show you. [Sandy opens her cake box, and the cake looks great.] Okay. So, what do you think?

[Cut to Show host and the hosts]

Aidy Bryant: It’s fine.

Show host: Next up is Ralph.

[Cut to Sandy]

Sandy: Wait! That’s it? You are moving on?

[Cut to Show host]

Show host: Afraid so, Sandy. Yeap. [Unknown voice says “Kill me!” The Show host looks around.] I’m sorry, hang on. Is that your cake, Jimmy?

[Cut to Jimmy’s Cake, his cake is speaking]

Jimmy’s Cake: I shouldn’t be— Kill me!

[Cut to judges]

Ego Nwodim: What’s going on there, Jimmy?

[Cut to Jimmy]

Jimmy: Well, ma’am—[Jimmy’s cake pukes] I believe that my cake is such an abomination that it has maybe come to life.

[Cut to Jimmy’s cake]

Jimmy’s Cake: Please destroy me! I feel nothing but pain!

[Cut to judges]

Aidy Bryant: Well, that’s disgusting, but also pretty creative.

[Cut to Sandy and Jimmy]

Sandy: I’m sorry, are you seriously saying that cake is better than my cake?

Jimmy’s Cake: Umm, bitch!

[Cut to Show host]

Show host: Sandy, I’m not judge so I can say this. You are coming off as crazy.

[Cut to Jimmy’s Cake. It can’t stop puking.]

Jimmy’s Cake: Grr, cookies!

[Cut to Show host]

Show host: Now, moving on to Ralph. What cartoon character did you choose?

[Cut to Ralph]

Ralph: My cartoon was Yoda, the Pesky Elf.

[Cut to judges]

Aidy Bryant: That’s not a cartoon character and not an Elf, but let’s see it.

[Cut to Ralph. Ralph opens his cake box.]

[Ralph’s cake is Yoda holding a green stick. His cake is fine.]

Ralph: Okay.

Beck Bennett: Okay. [Cut to Beck Bennett] Interesting. And what’s that he’s holding?

[Cut to Ralph]

Ralph: That’s his famous penis, of course.

[Cut to judges]

Aidy Bryant: Wow, we have a tough decision to make.

[Cut to contestants]

Sandy: No, you do not.

[Cut to Jimmy’s cake]

Jimmy’s Cake: Send me hell where I belong! [Jimmy’s cake pukes again]

Jimmy: Shut up. Shut up.

Show host: No! all right. [Cut to Show host] We’ll be back with the judges’ decision right after this.