Theresa May… Kate McKinnon
Sara Bareilles[Starts with video clips of reports from different news channels]
Channel 1: Today should have been Brexit day. That’s what Theresa May has promised.
Channel 2: She came up short.
Channel 3: She’s made a terrible mess.
Channel 4: Theresa May.
Channel 5: Teresa May–
Channel 6: –is not exactly dealing with Winston Church.
Channel 7: She’s proved herself to be one of the most worst Prime Minis—[Theresa May turns off the TV] [Music starts playing] [Sara Bareilles is singing and playing a piano. Music video has Theresa May’s different video clips]
Sara Bareilles: [Singing] It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl
She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
[Theresa May greets the guards, but they show her their middle fingers]
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a really bad life
She is gone, but she used to be mine
It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone,
but used to be mine
Used to be mine[Cut to Theresa May running to Mr. Corbin in a hall full of people]
Theresa May: Mr. Corbin, Mr. Corbin, please, I think I know what to do.
Mr. Corbin: Madam Prime Minister. We’ve already agreed on a solution. Your solution.
Theresa May: What?
Mr. Corbin: You’ve solved Brexit. And you’ve saved Britain. [Everybody in the room cheers]
Sara Bareilles: She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely
Channel 8: Theresa May is simply not in control of this process.[Cut to Theresa May]
Theresa May:Well, [Bleep] you. At least I’m trying.
Sara Bareilles: but she used to be mine