Sasha… Vanessa Bayer
Sasheer Zamata[Starts with Jimmy joking around with his office colleagues]
Jimmy : I’m serious. I went to this lunch thing at his house. And it was like sears all the way. [everyone laughing] Also, have you ever noticed how low the hairline is. [Kyle walks in behind Jimmy ] I think it’s where his eyebrows start. [everyone laughing]
Kyle: Patrick! Can I walk with you in my office?[Jimmy turns around looking scared]
Female voice: You’ve been caught talking about your boss again? If you could only hide somewhere. Now, you can. Inside your shirt.[music playing] [Jimmy pulls his head inside his shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]
The turtle shirt, by Swag.
Turtle shirts are made from plastrals and keratinous scutes. The same materials from which a turtle’s shell is made. Our shirts offer an mazing and comfortable place to wait out any unwanted and embarrassing situations.[Cut to a party]
Pete: Great party.
Bobby: Thanks Jeff.
Sasha: Uh, here you go.
Pete: Hey, have you met my wife?
Pete: You know, I haven’t. Can I just say, your hair is so pretty that it actually kind of looks fake.[Bobby and Sasha looks at each other]
Bobby: Sasha works with orangutans and one of them took her scalp off.
Sasha: It capped me. That’s the primary term for it.
Bobby: The top of her head is completely fake.[Pete is embarrassed. Pete pulls his head and hands inside the shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]
Female voice: It’s like having a personal panic room on your back.[Cut to Beck walking to his friends]
Beck: Hey, who wants to see a picture of my new baby?
Sasheer: Oh, yeah. I’d love to. [Beck shows Sasheer a picture] This is a penis.
Beck: What is?
Sasheer: This picture is a penis.
Beck: Oh, my god! No. That’s not my baby.
Sasheer: Was that your penis?
Beck: Yeah, right. I doubt it.[Sasheer is staring at Beck] [Beck is embarrassed. Beck pulls his head, hands and legs inside the shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]
Female voice: Turtle shirt, by Swag. Available only at Lord and Taylor.
Male voice: Warning: Lying on your back while inside the turtle shirt may result to death.