Sasha… Aubrey Plaxa

Ian… Mikey Day

Heidi Gardner

Michael Longfellow

Kenan Thompson

Ego Nwodim

Ego: Okay, your parents live by one.

Kenan: School.

Ego: No.

Kenan: Beach.

Michael: Time’s up.

Heidi: You did so good. You sure you’ve never played taboo before?

Michael: Score’s 9 to 9. The coldest at game night, be wilda.

Heidi: Sweet, don’t say wilda. Alright. Next may be their game night debut, our new neighbors Sasha and Ian.

Ian: The news.

Sasha: Thanks again for having us. This is really fun.

Ian: Yeah, we’re so excited to get to know you guys.

Heidi: Oh my god. Of course. Here, neighbors are family. So remember, you need him to get the word on top without using any of the words underneath it. If you do, you get buzzed.

Michael: They know, honey. All right, ready? Go.

Sasha: Okay, um, I love buying these online.

Ian: Oh, boy. Shoes. Candles.

Sasha: No. Last week, you were like “Honey, the last thing you need is another…”

Ian: Gun.

Sasha: Yes.

Ego: Did he say gun?

Sasha: Okay. Oh, okay. I’m really cranky in the morning until I’ve had my…

Ian: Acid.

Sasha: Yes. Whoo! Oh, my nickname for your penis.

Ian: Oh, Tiny Tim.

Sasha: The other one.

Mickey: Garbage.

Sasha: Yes. Okay. At couple’s therapy, we took those tests.

Ian: Personality.

Sasha: Yes. And you’re a type A and I’m a…

Ian: Sociopath.

Sasha: Ding, ding. Oh, okay. Um, the night we met I was on…

Ian: Ketamine.

Sasha: And?

Ian: On parole.

Sasha: And?

Ian: On fire.

Sasha: Yes.

Ian: Yes!

Sasha: Wow. Wow. Okay. I am not legally allowed back in this state.

Ian: Oh my god, babe. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida? Helped me out here babe.

Sasha: Skip. Okay.Okay, okay. Okay, who’s this? [acts crazy]

Ian: Amanda.

Sasha: Who is our?

Ian: Daughter.

Michael: Time’s up.

Ian: Whoo! It’s yum.

Sasha: Uh, you too.

Ian: We did good. And now we switch and Sasha guesses, right?

Heidi: Yeah, sorry. The night you met, you were on fire?

Sasha: Oh, yeah, it was so dumb. We were young and crazy. We were in our 30s.

Ian: Yeah. So. All right, ready? Okay, we switch. Ready? All right, baby. Ready?

Sasha: Yeah. This is really exciting.

Ian: I know.

Sasha: it’s turning me on.

Ian: Oh-oh.

Sasha: It’s happening.

Ian: All right.

Sasha: It’s happening.

Ian: That’s awesome. Remember, we’re in public.

Michael: Okay. Time starts now.

Ian: Okay, um, oh, you always steal these from hotels?

Sasha: Cars.

Ian: Yep.

Sasha: Yes. High-five. Okay, choke me.

Ian: No, not right now. When we get home, when we get home. Okay. Okay, last night when we argued, you threw one of these at me.

Sasha: Oh, wow. Okay. Plate. Mug. Phone. iPad Pro. iPad Mini. Fish tank. Butterknife. Steak knife. Butcher knife. Oh god. Oh. Just do me on this ugly couch right now.

Ian: No, baby. No.

Michael: Time’s up.

Ian: Oh. Well, that was fun. Who’s next?

Ego: Him and her. So what was the answer? What did she throw at you?

Ian: Oh, our dog.

All: Oh, dog. Of course.

Turtle Shirt

Jimmy Fallon

Kyle Mooney

Pete Davidson

Bobby Moynihan

Sasha… Vanessa Bayer

Beck Bennett

Sasheer Zamata

[Starts with Jimmy  joking around with his office colleagues]

Jimmy : I’m serious. I went to this lunch thing at his house. And it was like sears all the way. [everyone laughing] Also, have you ever noticed how low the hairline is. [Kyle walks in behind Jimmy ] I think it’s where his eyebrows start. [everyone laughing]

Kyle: Patrick! Can I walk with you in my office?

[Jimmy  turns around looking scared]

Female voice: You’ve been caught talking about your boss again? If you could only hide somewhere. Now, you can. Inside your shirt.

[music playing] [Jimmy  pulls his head inside his shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]

The turtle shirt, by Swag.

Turtle shirts are made from plastrals and keratinous scutes. The same materials from which a turtle’s shell is made. Our shirts offer an mazing and comfortable place to wait out any unwanted and embarrassing situations.

[Cut to a party]

Pete: Great party.

Bobby: Thanks Jeff.

Sasha: Uh, here you go.

Pete: Hey, have you met my wife?

Pete: You know, I haven’t. Can I just say, your hair is so pretty that it actually kind of looks fake.

[Bobby and Sasha looks at each other]

Bobby: Sasha works with orangutans and one of them took her scalp off.

Sasha: It capped me. That’s the primary term for it.

Bobby: The top of her head is completely fake.

[Pete is embarrassed. Pete pulls his head and hands inside the shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]

Female voice: It’s like having a personal panic room on your back.

[Cut to Beck walking to his friends]

Beck: Hey, who wants to see a picture of my new baby?

Sasheer: Oh, yeah. I’d love to. [Beck shows Sasheer a picture] This is a penis.

Beck: What is?

Sasheer: This picture is a penis.

Beck: Oh, my god! No. That’s not my baby.

Sasheer: Was that your penis?

Beck: Yeah, right. I doubt it.

[Sasheer is staring at Beck] [Beck is embarrassed. Beck pulls his head, hands and legs inside the shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]

Female voice: Turtle shirt, by Swag. Available only at Lord and Taylor.

Male voice: Warning: Lying on your back while inside the turtle shirt may result to death.