Will Smith… Chris Redd
Jerrod Carmichael
Kyle Mooney
[Starts with the Oscars intro]
[Cut to Will Smith sitting on a sofa. Jerrod walks to his seat behind Will Smith.]
Jerrod: Oh, no way. Will Smith? Excuse me, Mr. Smith. I know I’m not supposed to talk to you. I’m just the seat filler, but I wanted to say I am a huge fan man.
Will Smith: Thank you, man. That means a lot. Ha-ha.
Jerrod: I love all your movies. Pursuit of Happiness is so inspiring. I just showed it to my son.
Will Smith: I love that. That’s what it’s all about. Ha-ha.
Jerrod: No joke. Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It is still my ringtone to this day.
Will Smith: Ha-ha. That’s hilarious.
Jerrod: Hey, I don’t want to sound corny, but you’re like my hero. Man. This is the coolest night of my life. I mean, I’m talking to Will Smith. Chris Rock just got up on stage. Hey, can I get a selfie real quick?
Will Smith: Of course, yeah.
Chris Rock: Jada, I love you. GI Jane II, can’t wait to see it.
[Jerrod is trying to take a selfie with Will Smith]
Will Smith: Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ay, I’ll be right back, man.
[Will Smith walks to the stage. Jerrod is just looking at him. When there’s a smacking sound, Jerrod is shocked.]
[Will Smith walks back and takes the seat]
Will Smith: Ay, so where are you from, man?
[Jerrod is creeped out.]
Jerrod: Nowhere man.
Will Smith: I like your tux, man. By the way, look good feel good, am I right? Ha-ha. [yelling] Keep my wife’s name out your [bleep] mouth. [back to talking to Jerrod] Man, I love the Oscars, man. I love movies, man. I just saw Padding II. Honestly, best movie I ever see. I love that little bear man. One second. [yelling] Keep my wife’s name out your [bleep] mouth. [back to talking to Jerrod] So, how about that selfie, man? Come on.
Jerrod: Nah, that’s okay.
Will Smith: Ah, come on, man. Let’s do it.
Jerrod: No, I deleted my phone.
Will Smith: Alright. Well, enjoy the show, man.
[Kyle walks back to his seat next to Jerrod]
Kyle: Bathroom like is crazy. What did I miss? Oh my god, we’re right next to Will Smith? I’m gonna tweet this. And he is trending. [reads the tweets] Oh my god.
Will Smith: [talking to Kyle] Hey, nice to meet you man. I’m Will. What’s your name?
Kyle: I don’t– They didn’t give me one.
Will Smith: Oh, that’s weird. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Amy Schumer is being hilarious, right? Ay, who is your favorite comedian?
Jerrod: Chris– No one.
Will Smith: What?
Jerrod: I don’t think anything is funny.
Will Smith: [pointing at Kyle] What about you? Favorite comedian, man?
Kyle: Dori?
Will Smith: Who?
Kyle: Finding Dori.
Will Smith: Your favorite comedian is Finding Dori? Well, she is a funny fish, man. [yelling] Richard Williams was a fierce protector of his family.
Kyle: Okay.
Will Smith: I’m gonna say that in my speech, man.
Jerrod: Okay.
Will Smith: Okay, what else should I say?
Kyle: Love makes you do crazy things.
Will Smith: What was that?
Kyle: Love makes you do crazy things.
Will Smith: That’s good. I’ma use that. I’ma credit you.
Kyle: Please don’t.
Will Smith: Man, the last couple of years have been crazy. You know? With covid, zoom, [cracking voice] the red table talk. Y’all ever see the red table talk?
Jerrod: Nah, I’ve never heard of it.
Kyle: I haven’t seen anything.
[Jerrod’s phone rings. Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It is actually his ringtone.]
Will Smith: Ay! Don’t answer that, man. Let it ring. Everything is normal, y’all. [dancing]