Weekend Update- Milly Pounds and Shirty on the British Monarchy

Michael Che

Milly Pounds… James Austin Johnson

Shirty… Devon Walker

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: The United Kingdom will be crowning its new king and queen soon launching a new era of the British Monarchy. Here to comment our British rappers Milly Pounds and Shirty.

[Milly Pounds and Shirty slide in] [cheers and applause]

Milly Pounds: Thanks Che.

Michael Che: So guys, what’s going on with the royal family? I mean can you give us an update?

Milly Pounds: Right, right, okay, listen mate. Okay. All the focus is on the Royals, right? When it should be on England’s exploitative tabloid press, right? It’s Pants, mate.

Shirty: Pants.

Milly Pounds: Rubbish mate.

Shirty: Pants mate.

Michael Che: Sorry?

Shirty: It’s pants, okay? It’s pants.

Michael Che: What are the pants?

Milly Pounds: It’s pants. The main door boy area, right? We know what really goes down? We’ve known Harry since our days at Eton.

Michael Che: You guys went to Eton?

Shirty: Yeah. Eton your mom’s bum.

Milly Pounds: No, but seriously, look, look. If you want us to sum up our thoughts, take up the pods and hear me all right. Because we have a way of talking back in the ends.

[music playing]


Shirty: Shirty.

Milly Pounds: Milly Pounds

Shirty: Yeah.

Milly Pounds: [rapping] Prince Harry, Prince Harry
stayed over at Tyler Perry’s
press cold like Brandon Jerris
I’m allergic to dairy

Shirty: Harry and Megan
Ronald Reagan
Inter-racial dating
Queen said not today
the king is coming like
I slide down the road like
your girl saw me like
mans like me got a million shooters
coz I stay hot like Yan Wudus

Michael Che: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, Stop. Who is Yan Wudus?

Milly Pounds: Che, why did you stop it, mate? We shed so many facts.

Shirty: Facts.

Michael Che: You really didn’t.

Milly Pounds: Okay listen, it’s not all chicken shops and tika masala.

Shirty: Glasgow.

Milly Pounds: But I think this next verse will really shine a light on what’s happening where we come from. Right?

[music playing] [rapping] Rishi Sunak, Prime Minister, you know that
he got styles like Harry, I’m allergic to dairy

Shirty: kicking hard

your boyfriend’s poor
I make more
I chat online with your girl on computers
because I stay hot like Yan Wudus

Michael Che: Okay, wait, wait. What is phew, phew. What is that? I grew up in New York in the 90s. Okay, so I consider myself a pretty fricative fresh guy when it comes to hip hop. But I’ve never heard that before.

Milly Pounds: Okay, you see, back home, we don’t really have guns, do we? But we do have little tiny knives that we carry with us at all times. And those kinds of sound likes phew, phew.

Michael Che: Okay. Okay, but who is Yan Wudus?

Milly Pounds: Oh, he’s like a semi obscure Dutch footballer from the 80s.

Michael Che: I get it. You guys like soccer? So can you at least tell us what the Brits feel about FIFA?

Milly Pounds: How do the Brits feel about FIFA? Check it.

[music playing] [rapping] FIFA corrupt,
your girl told me “What’s up?”
I told her I’m tryna see that butt
I’m allergic to dairy

Shirty: FIFA soccer
tea, no coffee
Milly and me on a Vespa scooter
because I stay hot like Yan Wudus

Michael Che: Millly Pounds and Shirty, everybody. For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.