Colin Jost
Melissa Villaseñor
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set.]
Colin Jost: Guys, the Oscars nominations were announced last week and here to discuss her thoughts on these awards is our own Melissa Villaseñor.
[Melissa Villaseñor slides in]
Melissa Villaseñor: Yay! Hi, Colin. Ah, I’m so excited for the Oscars this year. I think I have a really good chance to win.
Colin Jost: Oh, I’m sorry. But, for what?
Melissa Villaseñor: My music. I wrote original songs for all the top movies. Like this one. Here’s my song for Joker. Hit it fellas
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. There’s a picture of Joker movie logo at left top corner.]
[music playing]
[singing] Joaquin Phoenix, skinny, skinny
laughs a lot but still so scary
dances on steps, goes stompy, stompy
puts a pillow over crazy mommy
but the thing that this movie is really about
is white male rage, white male rage
white male rage.. Joker!
[music stops]
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Wow. Wow. Yea, that was great Melissa. I gotta say I don’t remember that song in Joker. And I watch that movie everyday while I work out.
Melissa Villaseñor: What a weirdo! Well, did you at lease like the song?
Colin Jost: I mean, I am no music critic but it seemed like it was just a description of the movie and then it took a weird turn into social commentary.
Melissa Villaseñor: Ah, thanks. Well, here’s another one. My song for The Irishman.
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. There’s a picture of The Irishman movie logo at left top corner.]
[same music playing]
[singing] This movie has a lots of offer
Al Pacino as Jimmy Hopper
Gangster life gets kinds messy
Robert De Niro and lil’ Joe Pesci
It’s three hours long, they’re old and they’re young
and it’s white male rage, white male rage
white male rage… Irishman!
[music stops]
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: That was great, Melissa. That one definitely was not in the Irishman. And I should know. I watch that movie alone on Christmas day.
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor]
Melissa Villaseñor: So sad. Of course, none of these songs are in the movies, Colin. Here’s another one.
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: How many more do you have?
Melissa Villaseñor: A whole bunch.
Colin Jost: Okay.
Melissa Villaseñor: But I’ll just combine them all, okay? Hit it boys.
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor. There’s a picture of Hollywood board at left top corner.]
[same music playing]
[singing] Manson Hitler, white male rage
World War I coz of white male rage
Little Women big performances
but Greta Gerwig snubbed coz of white male rage
Buzz and Woody had it again
and it’s white male rage, white male rage
white male rage!
[Cut to Melissa Villaseñor and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Melissa Villaseñor, everyone.
Melissa Villaseñor: See you at the Oscars.
Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.