Weekend Update with Solomon

Colin Jost

Solomon… Jay Pharoah

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: One of our researchers from Weekend Update told us that he was a real travel buff. So, this summer we sent him to Venice, Italy to report on the latest travel trends. Here with his report is our new travel correspondent, Solomon.

[Solomon slides in] [cheers and applause]

Solomon: Hey Colin, how you doing, man? Michael Che, nice to see you.

Colin Jost: Welcome Solomon. So, where did you travel this summer?

Solomon: Travel? Ah, man!

Colin Jost: Well, you went to Venice right?

Solomon: Ay, well, yeah. Basically, I mean, yeah, dang! [Cut to Solomon] I ain’t go to Venice. I didn’t go man. Look man, I wanted to go, man, but the thing is it’s hard, okay? I tried to get on a bus to Italy but you know, I had no ticket. You know?

[Cut to Solomon and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: I’m sorry. The bus to Italy?

Solomon: Ah! God damn, is that wrong? Because of the water? Coz of the ocean, you can’t do that? Oh, god damn!

Colin Jost: Solomon, we sent you a plane ticket.

Solomon: Look, my god, damn! [Cut to Solomon] It’s my sister. She gets all my mail. And you know, I lost my mailbox key coz it’s smaller than the other keys. God! Look, I feel bad about that. I get you back, how much was the ticket?

[Cut to Solomon and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: It was $3,000.

Solomon: Oh, god dang. I ain’t got that, man! How about $100?

Colin Jost: Fine.

Solomon: God dang. I ain’t got that either man. Look man, I ain’t think you’d say yes.

Colin Jost: Solomon, this is your job.

Solomon: Look man, god dang! Look, you can’t fire me, okay? They about to turn my air off, okay? [Cut to Solomon] Not like, my air conditioning. Just like, all the air in my apartment, man. God damn, I got a gold fish man. He’s my best friend in the whole world. God dang!

[Cut to Solomon and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: What’s your gold fish’s name?

Solomon: Man, I ain’t got no gold fish. Okay? Look, man, you can’t fire me, okay? They’re about to turn my sound off, man! [Cut to Solomon] Like, I won’t be able to hear stuff anymore. And my sister needs sound, man! Coz, you know, she can’t see so good, on account she’s been reading all my mail. You know what I mean? Plus the kids got the wing worm. I mean, god damn!

[Cut to Solomon and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: I’m sorry, did you say your kids have wing worm?

Solomon: Man, she ain’t got no kids man. And look man, I ain’t got no sister, god dang! Look, I’ll do better next time, alright? I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Colin Jost: That’s okay. That’s alright.

Solomon: Look, but you know, could I get my check for next week today?

Colin Jost: Solomon, everyone.

Solomon: God dang, man! Come on, man!