Sleepover 2

Father… Jason Bateman

Jean… Heidi Gardner

Angel… Chloe Fineman

Ego Nwodim

Megan… Kate McKinnon

Stacey… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with a father interrupting girls’ sleepover]

Father: Hey, hey, hey, girls. I’m sorry to interrupt. Lame ass dad is interrupting the sleepover. I’m just kidding. It’s me and I’m sorry that I cursed. Okay. Now, I wanted to talk to you girls please.

Jean: Is everything okay, dad?

Father: Absolutely. I don’t want to make anybody feel bad but something has happened upstairs. It’s a little bit embarrassing to talk about as a dad but it is totally natural. So, we’ll just– we’re gonna talk it out.

Girls: Okay.

Father: Alright. It looks as if someone has left a… um… a… a… a menstrual period stain on one of the couch cushions. It’s sort of big.

Jean: Oh, no! Will it come out?

Father: Well, whoever did it tried to put the whole cushion in the washing machine .

Angel: Did that break it?

Father: It sure did break it, angel. It broke it real bad. It overflowed and I think that the person panicked and tried to hide all the suds in your backpacks. Then they put the cushion in the dryer which really baked it in.

Ego: Oh, no.

Father: Yes. Yeah. Then they found some scissors. They cut a hole on the cushion which made the feathers from inside sort of explode all over the place. Jean, where’s Megan?

Jean: Um.. I don’t know. She went upstairs like, a long time ago.

Father: Yeah. Okay.

[Megan walks down. Her hair is messy and all the pillow feathers are on her.]

Megan: Hey, what’s up?

Father: There she is. Hello, Megan. Can you please join us here on the couch? We’re just having a little chat because well, somebody had their period on a cushion and put a real big part of the couch in the wash.

Megan: [trying to act shocked] Whoa! You kidding me?

Father: Yeah. No, I’m not kidding at all.

Megan: [looking at the girls] Man, one of you has got a lot of explaining to do. Alright, I’m gonna head out. Happy birthday.

Father: No, no, no. I’d love you to stick around. We’re just talking with your gal pals here trying to do a little figuring out of a mystery and we’re just trying to figure out what happened.

Megan: Yeah, I think we should. There is a sicko among us. But it’s definitely not me because I wear monster tamps. I just like the way it feels. Big tamp in there. You know? Just take the applicator, put it in and then you poop it up.

Father: Well, I’d sure love less details.

Megan: Also, sir, I do wear a big leather underwear. Motorcycle style. I’m kink for sure.

Father: Even less would be dynamite.

Megan: [whispering on Father’s ear] Honestly, it was probably Stacey. She rides horses. Probably stretched herself out. The gate is open, if you know what I mean.

Stacey: Oh, man. Don’t talk about my gate.

Father: Okay, listen. I’m going to keep going with what happened. They took one of the pillows from our bed and brought that to replace the couch cushion but I guess they went ahead and they bled on that too.

Megan: Honestly, depraved.

Father: Then they sat on the floor, so there’s a part of the carpet that has been cut out now.

Megan: That’s just quick thinking.

Stacey: That’s a lot of stains.

Megan: Look, whoever did it, just come forward. Okay? We all get the same period, you guys. Jaundice, eight day vomit, homicidal ideations, speaking in tongues.

Ego: I don’t know that we share that.

Megan: We were all put on the pill and our bodies all fought it off. We all got an IUD and it rusted and passed.

Father: Girls, that’s enough. Here is the deal. The house is a rental. I’m gonna need to get my deposit back. So, unless I can give them some answers–

Megan: Come on, you guys. It is not a big deal. Just tell the hot dad that you kill billed his living room.

Father: Megan, I’d sure love to talk to you over here. Can we have a little side bar?

Megan: Ay, ay, captain.

Father: Okay. I want to give you a chance away from everyone else. Is there anything that you want to tell me?

Megan: I would like to make love to both you and your wife.

Father: Is there anything else that you would like to say?

Megan: You see, right now, it’s Megan0-Megan0 whether I will grow up to be gay. I propose we settle the question tonight with a game of spin the bottle. You, me, your wife.

Father: Okay. Never mind. I give up.

Angel: Wait. I have to confess something. I got a stain on a cushion and I put it in the washing machine. I’m sorry.

Stacey: Wait. I also got a stain on a cushion and put it in the washing machine.

Ego: Actually, so did I.

Jean: And I got a stain on a cushion, a sleeping bag, my training bra and the cockatiel. And I put them all on the washing machine.

Father: Girls. Thank you. I really appreciate your honesty. Megan, is there anything honest you would like to say to me?

Megan: No, there is not.

Father: Okie dokie. Please get back to your sleepover. Enjoy yourself. I’m sure everything is just going to be okay.

Girls: Thanks.

Bad Girls

Stacey… Kate McKinnon

Cecily Strong

Kenan Thompson

Gretchen… Aidy Bryant

Leslie Jones

Sasheer Zamata

Venessa Bayer

Josh… Beck Bennett

[Starts a Bad Girls band’s music video with girls posing in a car]

Stacey: Life is short. And we only get one chance to live it. So we do whatever the hell we want, whenever the hell we want. Because we’re bad girls and we do it well.

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Cut to Shorty’s fast food. Cecily is approaching the counter.]

Kenan: Hey, what can I get for you?

Cecily: Um, can I just do a turkey and avocado sandwich?

Kenan: Sure. You want a drink with that?

Cecily: No, no, no. That’s okay. But you know what? Actually, can I just do like a free cup for water…

[Cut to Cecily at the soda station looking around]

… that I’ma fill with lemonade.

[Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Cut to an elevator. Few people are getting in.]

Kyle: Hey, what floor guys?

Pete: Um, 62 please.

Jon: 66 for me please.

Kyle: For you?

Gretchen: 2.0

[Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Cut to Leslie, Stacey and Sasheer trying to get in the fine dining restaurant]

Taran: Um, we only receive full parties. Are all four of your members here?

Leslie: Oh, yeah. She’s just in the bathroom.

Taran: Fantastic. Right this way.

Leslie: The bathroom at her house.

[Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Cut to Bobby with the trolley at the grocery store. Venessa comes with few items to put in the trolley]

Venessa: Okay, I think I got everything. Milk, broccoli and ice-cream.

Bobby: Oh! We already got an ice-cream.

Venessa: Oh, okay. I’ll just put it back… right here… by the bread.

[Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Cut to Leslie, Stacey and Sasheer at the restaurant]

Sasheer: God, our waitress was terrible.

Leslie: Yeah, such a bad service.

Stacey: Well, it’s time to leave the tip. Think what I’m gonna do. Let’s still tip 20% because being server is hard and you don’t know what’s going on her day today.

Sasheer: Yeah.

[Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Cut to Josh doing the dishes]

Josh: Dishes are all done babe. Can you just take out the trash? I think it’s full.

[Cut to Gretchen]

Gretchen: Um, sure.

[Gretchen looks at the bin. The bin looks full. She just kick-pushes the trash in to squeeze in making space available in the bin.]

Actually, it’s not full.

[Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls —

[Cut to Stacey at the restroom using the toilet. She’s out of toilet-tissues.]

Stacey: Shoot!

[Stacey looks at the socks she’s wearing, opens it and used it as a tissue] [Cut to the music video]

All: [singing] Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[The girls are shooting guns at the sky]

Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well
Live fast, die young
Bad Girls do it well

[Josh walks in]

Josh: Hey! Hey! Hey! Gretchen!

Gretchen: Hi baby.

Josh: What are you dong? I told you to take out the trash and now you’re out here shooting guns with like, 50 women?

Gretchen: Sorry, sorry, sorry. Girls, I gotta go. But, Bad Girls for life, right?

[Gretchen hugs goodbye to her girls and runs to Josh]

Bye girls. Bye, bye, bye.

Stacey: [Smiling at Josh] Hi, Josh.

Josh: Hi, Stacey.

Stacey: We’re Bad Girls.

[The End]