Vanessa Bayer
Pete Davidson
Mr. Crocker… Beck Bennett
Daughter… Aidy Bryant
Skacy Steve… Donald Trump
[Starts with a family dinner]
Vanessa: And I said, “That’s enough, sir.”
[Everyone laughing]
Pete: Well, it smells really good Mr. Crocker.
Mr. Crocker: That’s very sweet of you, but I know for fact it smells terrible.
Pete: Yeah, it does. It stinks.
Mr. Crocker: I know. But trust me, it will taste great. Old family recipe. Plus, you’re dating my daughter, so you’ll have to eat it.
[Everybody laughing]
Aidy: Dad!
Mr. Crocker: Sorry, I’m not going to embarrass you sweetheart. I’m not one of [gesturing to quote using his two fingers] “Those dads”. Let’s just listen to a little music [Mr. Crocker turns on the music] and enjoy a great meal.
[‘See you again’ by Wiz Khalifa starts playing]
Pete: Oh, I love this song.
Mr. Crocker: It’s great, isn’t it?
[Cut to Vanessa and Mr. Crocker smiling at each other]
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
[the music playing is a ‘See you again’ instrumental with Mr. Crocker’s voice recorded singing on it]
Aidy: Dad!
Mr. Crocker: Yes honey?
Aidy: Is that you singing?
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Why? Do you like it?
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
Aidy: I- I mean, I guess I’m just surprised.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: [yelling] If it sucks then I’ll turn it off then!
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: Honey.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Does it?
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: What?
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Suck!
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
Aidy: No.
[Cut to Pete and Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Do you think it sucks, Dani?
[Cut to Pete]
Pete: No.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Do you think it is good, Dani?
[Cut to Pete]
Pete: I mean..
[Cut to Pete and Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Okay, it sucks. I’m turning it off. Let’s eat. How’s the chicken?
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: It’s fine.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: It sucks. I know it does. I left it out on the counter for too many days.
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: Okay. So, I saw the most amazing thing on the subway the other day. There were these two guys–
[Mr. Crocker plays another music with him singing in it]
[Vanessa stops speaking because she is annoyed]
[Cut to Aidy, Pete and Mr. Crocker. Mr. Crocker is nodding his head looking at Pete.]
[Mr. Crocker has also used auto-tune in the recording]
Mr. Crocker: It sucks, does’t it?
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: Honey, calm down.
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
Aidy: Did you use auto-tune?
[Cut to Pete and Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: I had to in some parts. Yeah. You know what? I’ll just change it to a song I don’t sing.
[Mr. Crocker changes the song]
There. Now everybody’s happy. You know, some of the chicken is actually not that bad.
[the music still has Mr. Crocker singing on it]
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: That’s you singing Dave.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: No, it’s Adam Levine from Maroon 5. So Dani, what do you parents do? Are they in music industry?
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
Pete: Um, no. They’re real estate agents.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Good. Because I’m not exactly happy with the people in the music industry right now. Yeah, I think I’m getting ripped off by Skacy Steve over a Star Tracks.
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
Aidy: Who is Skacy Steve?
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: He’s a big producer over at Star Tracks. He cornered me in the dressing room at a men’s warehouse and he told me I had a beautiful voice and I was an absolute star. Now, I’m paying a $1000 a day for studio time and I’m on call 24/7. He can call me in any time of the day to record a new track.
[Cut to Vanessa sipping some wine]
Vanessa: That’s insane.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker. His pager is beeping.]
Mr. Crocker: [looks at the phone] Dammit! It’s Skacy Steve!
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: When did you get a pager?
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Skacy Steve gave it to me. I need to go and drop another verse.
[Cut to Vanessa]
Vanessa: Can’t you wait until you’re done with dinner?
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Fine, but I gotta eat real fast.
[Mr. Crocker starts eating wildly]
[Cut to everybody. The doorbell rings.]
Vanessa: I wonder who that is.
[Cut to Mr. Crocker]
Mr. Crocker: Oh, no! It’s Skacy Steve.
Skacy Steve: Come on, out of my way.
[Cut to everybody. Skacy Steve walks in to the dining hall.]
Hey, I’ve got a new track for you.
Mr. Crocker: I’m having dinner with my family, Skacy.
Skacy Steve: Listen to this, Dave. This is right to your key.
[Mr. Crocker starts recording then and there in a small instrument that Skacy Steve brought in.]
Mr. Crocker: [singing] I don’t like it, I love it, love it, love it
Skacy Steve: Straight to the top of the charts, Dave. You’re gonna be a massive star.
[Skacy Steve pats Pete]
How are you doing, son? Skacy Steve. [shaking hands with Pete] Big, big producer at Star Track. Have you ever thought about a career that in the recording industry?
[Cut to Pete and Aidy]
Pete: Sure.
[Cut to Skacy Steve]
Skacy Steve: Oh, my god. The voice of an angel. You’re gonna be a massive star baby.
[Cut to Skacy Steve smiling looking at the camera. His teeh twinkles.]
[The End]