Tag: Steve Carell

Steve Carell Returns to SNL Monologue

Audience….Kenan Thompson, Ellie Kemper, Ed Helms, Jenna Fisher, Nancy Carell (wife), Annie Carell (daughter), Johnny  Carell (son)

[Band playing music on the stage.]

Darrel Hammond (Announcer): Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Carell.

[Steve walks to the stage][Applause and cheers]

Steve: Hi, thank you very much. Thank you. Hello, I am so excited to be here tonight. It is my third time hosting “SNL” and thank you. It’s been a while. It’s been 10 years, and I have been pretty busy doing movies. I actually have one coming out really soon.

Woman from the audience: Steve, [Cut to a woman from the audience standing and asking question] hey, can I ask a question?

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Yeah, okay. Guess we’re doing questions. Sure.

Woman from the audience: [Cut to the woman from the audience] First of all, big fan. I love all of your movies.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Oh, thank you.

Woman from the audience: [Cut to the woman from the audience] My question is, will you ever reboot “The Office”?

Steve: [Cut to Steve] No, actually, I don’t think so. It was a great experience. I love all of those people, but I just don’t think it’s the best idea. I think maybe we should just leave it alone. Okay. Next question. [Cut to the audience. Kenan also from the audience smiling and raising his hand to ask the question] Oh, yeah.

Kenan: Hey, Steve.

Steve: Hey. Are you [Cut to Kenan, nodding his head] Kenan or are you playing a fake audience member?

Kenan: I am Kenan. Believe me, dude, if I was acting, you would know it. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I also think you should reboot “The Office.”

Steve: Thanks, Okay. You know what, it would be like if someone wanted you to reboot “Kenan and Kel.” Right? [Cut to Kenan thinking]

Kenan: That would be an honor. [Cheers and applause]

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Fine. No, I get that. Just I don’t think it would be as good this time around. But thank you for that. Next question.

Ellie: [Cut to Ellie talking from the audience] Yes, hi Steve.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Oh, Hi! Ellie Kemper. [Cut to Ellie] Wow, Hi!

Ellie: Hi. People would really love to see an “Office” reboot. Yes. Especially me. I need that money. Let’s get that money, Steve!

Steve: [Cut to Steve] I’m sorry, Ellie, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.

Ellie: [Cut to Ellie] You’re a jerk. [Ellie sits down]

Steve: Okay.

Ed: [Cut to Ed in the audience] Hey, Steve.

Steve: Hey, Ed Helms. Hi. Wow! Ed Helms.

Ed: It’s so great to see you.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] It’s great to see you too.

Ed: [Cut to Ed] Yes, so, I just don’t think you understand just how much money we’re talking about. Like, you wouldn’t have to do all of those sad movies anymore.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] I don’t do those movies for money, I like doing them.

Woman from the audience: [Cut to the woman from the audience] Yeah, but you could all make some serious money.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Okay. You’re an audience member; this isn’t about you. And Ed, why don’t we just have a party instead? We can all catch up, get together. NO cameras, just friends?

Ed: [Cut to Ed] Oh we already do that. We just don’t invite you.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Okay. Wow, all right. Thanks, man.

Jenna: Steve. [Cut to Jenna in the audience]

Steve: Jenna!

Jenna: Steve, do you remember the last words that Pam secretly whispered to Michael as she left for Denver?

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Not really.

Jenna: [Cut to Jenna] Okay. She said, “Steve, don’t be a dick, do the Reboot.”

Steve: [Cut to Steve] I don’t remember that at all.

Jenna: [Cut to Jenna] Well I do. Don’t you want to see what Pam and Jeff are up to these days?

Steve: [Cut to Steve] It’s Pam and Jim.

Jenna: [Cut to Jenna] Who cares? Why are you getting hung up on the details? Let’s just do the damn thing.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] No, Jenna, please I just don’t want—

Nancy: Honey, [Steve is searching for the speaker] [Cut to Nancy] honey.

Steve: Oh, it’s my wife, Nancy, and my kids. [Cut to Steve] Hi, guy! [Cut to Annie and Johnny and Nancy] Annie and Johnny and Nancy, say hi.

Nancy: Hi. We think you should probably do the show.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Honey, I just don’t want to spend that much time away from you guys.

Nancy: [Cut to Annie and Johnny and Nancy] Well, we don’t really need you to hand around anymore, right, kids? We’re good.

Steve: Are you serious? [Cut to Steve]

Nancy: [Cut to Annie and Johnny and Nancy] Yeah, we’re fine. No problem. Hey, you guys want to go? Let’s go.

Steve: [Cut to Steve] Where are you– Are you not even going to watch the show?

Nancy: No, see you later.

Steve: Okay, all right. Well, thanks. Feels like everybody wants this to happen. Do you guys want to see an “Office” Reboot? Is that what’s–

[Crowd cheering “Yes”]

Come on up on stage. [SNL members coming up on the stage] All right. No, no, not you. You’re not a part of this. All right, I’m proud to announce officially that we have a great show Tonight! Ella Mai is here. Stick around, and we’ll be right back!

Space Thanksgiving | Season 44 Episode 6

Ruler TA (Tate) of Klurds…Kenan Thompson

Tutrisha (TA’s Daughter)…Melissa Villaseñor

Kern….Pete Davidson

Earth space travelers….Steve Carell, Beck Bennet, Cecily Strong, Leslie Jones

[Starting with a shot of outer space station]

Beck: Will the aliens be joining us for our [four astronauts getting ready for thanksgiving dinner] thanksgiving feast?

Cecily: Oh, you mean the Klergs? Yeah.

Captain: Good, I look forward to sampling some of the products here on Argos-9. [Cut to Linda and Captain]

Linda: I love exotic foods.

Captain: Oh, look, it’s the Klergs. [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall, the Klergs are entering from the door with food]

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Greetings, people of earth. I am ruler TA, short for Tank.

Tutrisha: Father, should I offer them the kern?

TA: Yes, Tutrisha, [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] offer them other kern.

Captain: Kern, what is cern?

Linda: Oh, it looks like out corn [Cut to Linda and Beck] but its purple.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Yes, our Kern is much like your corn. It has lots of tiny, delicious cornels on it.

Captain: [Cut to Captain] Oh, you mean Kernels?

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] No, your corn has kernels, but our kern has cornels.

Cecily: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] What a small fascinating universe.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] It is customary for visitor to partake of our kern.

Tutrisha: It’s for good fortune.

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] I guess this is the famous Klerg hospitality we’ve heard so much about. I can’t wait to enjoy the tasty cornels of kern. [Captain takes a bite]

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] No, don’t eat me! This hurts me!

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] Is it kern talking?

Cecily: Is it alive [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] right now?

TA: No, these are just the kern sounds.

Tutrisha: The sound the kern makes.

Linda: [Cut to Linda and Beck] It’s delicious, y’all!

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Ow, the pain lady! Please stop eating me!

Captain: [Cut to Linda and Beck] Linda, stop eating the kern.

Linda: Just one more bite.

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] This hurts like hell. Stop.

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Linda] Linda, please it may be conscious!

Linda: Sorry, it reminds me of my earth picnics, of eating corn on the cob.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] You mean kern on the curb?

Captain: [Cut to Captain and Linda] I want to try to communicate with it.

TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Why? It has no errs to herr. [Referring as to ‘ears to hear’]

Captain: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Please, let me try. Hello, [Cut to Captain, Linda and Cecelia] can you hear me? Are you okay?

Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Help us. The Klergs are trying to destroy our race. We can’t run from him because we don’t have the lergs okay? Lergs!

Captain: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Excuse us TA, I need to speak to my crew. [Cut to humans whispering] The kern said it has no lergs to run from the klergs.

Beck: TA told us it’s customary to eat the cornels from the kern.

Cecily: But actually we’re helping the klergs wipe out the kern.

Linda: What do we do?

Captain: Follow me lead. I have a plan. Ruler TA.

TA: More kern, captain?

Captain: Oh, [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Hell yes. [Cut to humans] Who cares about some kern. Let’s enjoy this thanksgiving.

TA: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Oh, well tomorrow I will show you around the planot.

Linda: Captain, this kern is crazy delicious!

Kern: Hey bitch! I said stop. [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Bitch I said stop. : [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall]

Beck: It’s good, right?

TA: Bye bye.

Beck: Is it good?

Captain: Let’s all eat! Everyone, let’s eat the kern! [Cut to the shot of outer space station]

 

Space Station Broadcast | Season 44 Episode 6

Captain Ed McGovern….Steve Carell

Lieutenant Becker….Leslie Jones

Lieutenant Sussman….Mikey Day

Kid (Paulston Middle School, Connecticut)….Ego Nwodim

Teacher Hailey (Tillman Middle School, Wyoming)….Aidy Bryant

Teacher (Orchard Middle School, Ohio)….Alex Moffat

Frozen Astronaut…Kate McKinnon

[Intro of NASA Television]

Captain Ed McGovern: [Cut to Sussman, Becker, and Ed] Hello, earthlings and happy space day. Captain Ed McGovern broadcasting live from the international space station to over 5,000 K through 8 science classrooms across the U.S.A. As I am joined by Lieutenant Sussman and Becker.

Lieutenant Sussman: Hi.

Lieutenant Becker: Hey!

Captain Ed McGovern: There’s also some Russian cosmonauts on board. It’s a party up here. Get back to work, bums.

Lieutenant Sussman: Okay. Bye-bye. [Sussman and Becker leave]

Captain Ed McGovern: I can’t wait to answer some of your questions about space and science. Let’s start with Paulson Middle School in Connecticut.

Kid (Paulston Middle School, Connecticut): [A student appears on the right bottom of the screen] Hi, what kind of experiments are you doing up there?

Captain Ed McGovern: Great question. We are actually studying how animals adapt to space, and we have funny monkey friends up here helping us out. Thanks for your question, star student. Okay, next. [Sound of a blast] God, mother of god. Oh, what happened?

Lieutenant Sussman: [Sussman comes in the screen] Sorry about that.

Captain Ed McGovern: What happened?

Lieutenant Sussman: There was an airlock breach in the bio lab. Got a little chilly in there but everything is fine now.

Captain Ed McGovern: Okay. Are the animals alright?

Lieutenant Sussman: What’s up?

Captain Ed McGovern: Are the animals alright?

Lieutenant Becker: [Becker comes in the screen] I need you right now.

Lieutenant Sussman: Yep. [Sussman and Becker leave]

Captain Ed McGovern: Well, I Apollo-gize about that. Let’s get back to questions. How about Tillman Middle School in Laramie, Wyoming.

Teacher Hailey: [Hailey appears on the right bottom of the screen] Hi, this is Haley like the comet and like Eminem’s daughter. Um, how big is the space station?

Captain Ed McGovern: That is a great question. It’s about 32,000 square feet. Down this way, there is a long corridor [frozen monkey floats in front of Ed] that winds into several works and living stations. [Sussman takes away the monkey] It’s kind of like a floating hamster habitat. Thanks, Haley, make sure that you comet to your studies. Now, let’s go to Orchard Middle School in Ohio.

Teacher (Orchard Middle School, Ohio): [Teacher appears on the right bottom of the screen] Hi, I’m a teacher. My students and I wanted to ask how you guys make food up there, but we’d like to change our question too, is that frozen monkey okay?

Captain Ed McGovern: What monkey? [frozen monkey floats in front of Ed] Oh. OH! This little guy, it’s Capooka. What are you doing? Yikes, he is cold! Wave hello, to everyone. [Ed tries to wave monkey’s hand but the hand breaks] Oh my god! Oh, god! No, no, no, no. [Sussman takes away that monkey] Okay, goodbye. Capooka! Teacher’s out there if you can mute your classroom TV for just a sec while I attend to some space business, that would be great. So, hit mute now. Sussman, what’s going on with the monkeys?

Lieutenant Sussman: [Sussman stands into the screen] Yes, they all froze.

Captain Ed McGovern: Oh, Ki Chi?

Lieutenant Sussman: Yeah, Ki Chi hit a wall and shattered.

Captain Ed McGovern: Oh, and the cat?

Lieutenant Sussman: Oh, the cat is weird. The pressure change caused its face to kind of like suck into itself. Good news is though; he’s alive.

Captain Ed McGovern: That’s not good news! There’s a cat with no face floating around! How bad is it down there?

Lieutenant Sussman: Come, look. [Ed and Sussman go down][Cat with the face looking like a butt hole floats into the screen]

Lieutenant Becker: [Becker appears on the screen] Cat ain’t got no damn face. [Becker leaves]

Lieutenant Sussman: [Ed and Sussman come again] So what do you want me to do?

Captain Ed McGovern: Just go seal off node three and try to find Svetlana.

Lieutenant Sussman: Yes, sir. [Sussman leaves]

Captain Ed McGovern: Oh, god! Be aware of your feet, please. Your shoes touched my mouth. Okay. Welcome back. Hey, here’s a fun fact. We are 234 miles above the Earth’s surface. And the view isn’t half bad. Come closer here. Look at that beautiful blue marble Coldef. Isn’t that spect—[Frozon human floats outside of the space ship] Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Svetlana! Oh, hey kids, don’t worry. That cosmonaut is fine. The Russians are used to being cold. Sussman, get on the crane. [Sussman comes and controls the arm of the spaceship]

Lieutenant Sussman: She’s so frozen, she might break.

Captain Ed McGovern: So don’t say that, please. Now, kids, what Lieutenant Sussman is doing is trying to give her just a little nudge back towards the hatch.

Lieutenant Sussman: If I do bring her in, it’ll be in pieces.

Captain Ed McGovern: Try harder, and please don’t say that.

Lieutenant Becker: [Becker appears nodding her head] I’m sorry, kids, this is a bad day for space. [Becker leaves]

Captain Ed McGovern: Okay. Who wants to hear a space joke? What is an astronaut’s favorite drink? A root beer float!

Lieutenant Sussman: Oh, my god, she’s breaking like a saltine.

Captain Ed McGovern: Will you cut the god damn feed!

RV Life | Season 44 Episode 6

Dad….Steve Carell

Mom….Heidi Gardner

Son….Mikey Day

Daughter….Aidy Bryant

 

[There’s a place full of RV vans]

Dad: Honey, I just heard [Cut to husband and wife inside an RV van] the kids pull up.

Mom: Oh, my babies!

Dad: Hey, there they are! [Kids open the door and dad welcomes them in] You found us!

Daughter: Dad. Mom.

Dad: How are you?

Son: Good to see you. [Kids are getting in very uncomfortably] How are you?

Daughter: Wow, mom and dad. [dad and mom sit on the seat while the kids stay standing]

Son: Wow, you weren’t kidding. [Cut to the kids looking around] This is definitely an RV.

Daughter: Yeah, yeah. They’re all so similar, we found you by your license plate, ex-banker.

Mom:  [Cut to dad and mom] Yeah, ex-banker. Ex-interior designer.

Dad: Current RVers. It’s hard to believe.

Mom: Yeah, it’s pretty cool.

Dad: Six months ago, I came home, and I told your mom, I don’t want to work anymore and she said okay.

Son: [Cut to the kids] You were cool with that, mom?

Mom: [Cut to dad and mom] [Mom replies with squeaky voice] Oh, yeah, I love it.

Daughter: [Cut to the kids] Really?

Mom: [Cut to dad and mom] [Mom replies with more squeaky voice] Yeah. Yeah.

Dad: You know, it’s so freeing to purge your possessions. You know, it just feels great.

Mom: [Mom talking in squeaky voice] Yeah. Oh, yeah. I- I- I love it.

Dad: She loves it. She loves it so much I almost so much I forget whose idea it was.

Mom: It was yours.

Daughter: [Cut to the kids] Yeah, dad. You really look like you’re in your element.

Dad: [Cut to dad and mom] Oh, I sure am. Today I jogged butt naked around the lake: just socks and crocs, real man stuff.

Son: [Cut to the kids] And you’re having fun, mom?

Mom: : [Cut to dad and mom] [Mom replies looking the other way] Oh, sure. Yes. I love it.

Son: Mom, can- can you [Cut to the kids] look at us when you say that?

Mom: [Cut to dad and mom] [Mom replies facing the kids but closing her eyes] I love it.

Daughter: [Cut to the kids] Okay. Can you open your eyes when you say it?

Mom: [Cut to dad and mom] [Mom replies opening her eyes and staring at the ceiling] I love it. I just love sitting back here.

Daughter: Oh, you don’t sit up front?

Dad: No, no, no. [Cut to the kids looking around being confused] That’s where lady gray sits.

Son: [Cut to dad and mom] Who is lady gray?

Dad: Well, the love of our life. Our great dane, lady gray. [Cut to everybody in the RV van] [Dad opens the door, and the dog comes in] Lady gray, come on in here! Come on in here lady gray!

Daughter: Jesus!

Dad: Oh!

Mom: That’s a good girl. Yeah.

Dad: Lady gray sits up front because she gets carsick back here.

Mom: I get carsick too, but I love it. [Cut to dad and mom] Come here, lady gray! [Cut to everybody in the RV van] [Mom goes up to the dog to play with her] Hi, girl. Hi! Did you know a dog can punch you? [Cut to dad and mom]

Son: [Cut to everybody in the RV van] Where does the dog sleep?

Dad: Oh, your mom’s bed.

Mom: Yeah, and I sleep here. [Cut to mom, leaning on the table to show how she sleeps]

Daughter: [Cut to everybody in the RV van] I’m sorry, where did you get a great dane?

Dad: Well, from our new RV friend, Jibs. [Jibs opens the door and comes inside]

Jibs: I’m coming. You called me?

Mom: Well, we said your name, so yeah.

Dad: Yeah, Jibs here showed us how to work the dump station.

Jibs: Let’s just say I’m well versed. I showed my little robin egg here how to take the upper hose from the RV dump tank to the vice clamp and the community receptor tank.

Dad: Yes, well, your mom does that stuff. She likes it. It’s the only thing I really don’t like.

Son: I don’t think mom likes any of this.

Daughter: Yeah, mom, you hate dogs.

Mom: I love it. [Cut to mom caressing the dog]

Daughter: I don’t think you do.

Dad: [Cut to everybody in the RV van] Oh, she does love it, right honey?

Mom: Yeah, I love it! I love it!

Dad: [Cut to mom and dad] Honey look at me in the face. Honey–

Mom: [mom nodding her head here and there] I love it.

Dad: Look, look at me in the– look at me in the eyes.

Mom: [Mom looks dad in his eyes] This is hell! You’re awful! And I hate it! I couldn’t hate it more. It’s horrible. It’s horrible!

Dad: What are you trying to say?

Mom: I don’t love any of it.

Jibs: [Jibs comes in the middle of dad and mom] Is this a bad time to tell you all lady gray is pregnant.

Message from Jeff Bezos | Season 44 Episode 6

Jeff Bezos…Steve Carell

[Narrator speaking, Amazon company logo on the left side and ‘A MESSAGE FROM JEFF BEZOS’ written on the right side of the screen.] And now a message from Amazon’s CEO Jeff Bezos.

[Cut to Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking in front of the Amazon company’s backdrop]

Jeff Bezos: Hi everyone. As you know, Amazon just announced the location of it’s two new headquarters in [Cut to short clip of New York and Vircinia] New York and Virginia. [Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking] And everyone, except or the people who live there and the people who live in all of the places we didn’t choose, is thrilled. Some folks have speculated that I was somehow trolling president trump by building one headquarters in his hometown of [Cut to Short clip of Queens] Queens and the other in his current residence of [Cut to Short clip of White House], Washington D.C. [Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking] thereby overshadowing or humiliating him. [Cut to Jeff Bezos walking and moving forward slowly in an Amazon warehouse] But that’s simply not true. Sure, he attacked me repeatedly on twitter [Cut to showing screenshots of President Trump’s tweets], but I chose our new locations because they were ideal for a growing business, not just to make Donald Trump think about how I’m literally 100 times richer than he is.

[Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking] We needed access to a young, educated workforce, which is why we set up a [Cut to Picture of a map showing Florida] satellite office in Palm Beach, Florida, across the street from Mar-A-Lago. [Cut to Jeff Bezos sitting on a sofa, speaking with a newspaper in his hand, showing the news] And did I purchase “The Washington Post”? Sure. But it was just to run headlines like the White House is in a meltdown or [Cut to Close shot of the news] immigration lawyers suing “The Apprentice” for president Trump’s use of the N-word. I also like the style section. [Cut to Close shot of style section of the newspaper where there is a picture of Donald Trump playing tennis].

[Cut to Jeff Bezos walking and speaking] But the real reason I wanted to talk to you today has nothing to do with Donald Trump, who publicly attacked our company [Cut to Screenshot of President Trump’s tweet appears on the screen] for exploiting the post office. I’m here to announce a brand-new delivery option that doesn’t involve the post office at all, Amazon Caravan. Any package going to Trump’s building will get delivered by hundreds of Honduran and Mexican immigrants, and I will pick up the bill. Unless you order “The Art Of The Deal,” [Cut to The book ‘The Art Of The Deal’ written by Donald Trump appears on the screen] that costs more to ship because it’s heavier. I guess it’s the only book with four chapter 11s.

[Cut to Clip of Drone with Amazon branding taking off] We’re ready to launch drone deliveries too [Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking], but testing has shown the customers find drones scary and impersonal. That’s why I’m outfitting each and every drone with human hair. [Cut to A drone with a wig that looks like President Trump’s hair] The style of the hair was completely random. I just wanted something that looked so silly, and everybody knew it was fake, and the drove should just give up and shave his head like a real man would. [Cut to Jeff Bezos walking and the pictures hung behind him are a picture of him with Kanye West and a picture of him and Kim Jong-Un] And I want to make sure to give back to the new communities for joining. That’s why I’m purchasing a building in Queens that used to be the crown jewel of Fred Trump’s real estate empire and converting it into [Cut to Picture of public urinals] public urinals. [Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking] And in Virginia, we’ll be very close to [Cut to cartoon map of Amazon office across the street from Arlington National Cemetery] Arlington National Cemetery [Cut to Jeff Bezos speaking] so we can pay our respect to fallen veterans even when it’s raining outside. Thanks to Mr. Trump, Amazon’s future is brighter than ever. [Cut to Jeff Bezos turns on the switch, and it turns on the light that says ‘Amazon’ on the White House building]

[Cut to Branding logo of Amazon SickBurn] This has been a sick burn by Jeff Bezos.

GP Yass | Season 44 Episode 6

Husband….Steve Carell

Wife….Heidi Gardner

GPS Voice (American Male)….Kenan Thompson

[A car is driving on a highway][Cut to husband and wife inside the car, husband driving]

Normal GPS voice: You will reach your destination [Cut to GPS device] in six hours.

Husband: This is the worst, [Cut to husband and wife] miles of gray highway with this [Cut to husband] monotone lady giving directions.

Wife: How about [Cut to wife] we switch modes on the GPS?

Husband:  [Cut to husband] Switch modes?

Wife: [Cut to wife] Yeah, look, there’s American male, American female, and [Cut to GPS device] this one, drag entertainer.

Husband: [Cut to husband and wife] Well, that sounds unusual and fun. [Cut to GPS device][Wife turns on drag entertainer][Disco lights and music starts inside the car]

Speaker 4: Yes, queen, [Cut to husband surprised] [Cut to wife enjoying] I’m gagging on this scenic byway I’m giving you. [Cut to GPS device]

Speaker 5: [Cut to GP-YAS commercial] Introducing GP-YAS, with the popularity of RuPaul’s drag race, Garmen has extended our voice options to include drag entertainers. Let GP-YAS [Cut to husband and wife] turn your unstimulating trip into a sickening one.

Wife: Look, honey, the icon for the car is a [Cut to GPS device] glamour link fingernail.

Speaker 6: [Cut to three characters of GP-YAS] Entering school zone!

Speaker 4: Bitch, slow your ass down [Cut to husband and wife], so you don’t squash a child flat like a squirrel. [Cut to husband surprised]

Wife: [Cut to wife] Even the warnings are enjoyable.

Husband: [Cut to husband] I can’t see the map, but don’t care.

Speaker 5: [Cut to three male strippers dancing] GP-YAS keeps updated on traffic alerts [Cut to wife enjoying] and disaster areas.

Speaker 6: [Cut to three GP-YAS characters] Disaster area up ahead!

Speaker 7: It’s a damn mess.

Wife: [Cut to husband and wife] Oh, honey, I think you missed the exit.

Speaker 4: [Cut to GPS device] Turn around. Turn around!

Husband: [Cut to husband] You go, girl. What did I say?

Speaker 7: You arrived!

Speaker 8: [Cut to the stage of SNL, a singer is performing]Just make it fun and free [husband and wife get out of the car and joins in the stage dancing] you’re gonna live forever, follow me to the ends of the earth we’re going it together. Yes, yes. G to my P to my YAS!

Speaker 5: [GP-YAS commercial playing] GP-YAS, Sold in any town where there’s still a circuit city.

Disney | Season 44 Episode 6

Dad….Steve Carell

Son 1….Mikey Day

Daughter 1….Melissa Villaseñor

Son 2….Pete Davidson

Daughter 2….Aidy Bryant

[Four kids are sleeping. Dad turns on the light and wakes them up.]

Dad: Kids, kids, wake up. I have a big news.

Son 1: Dad, it’s in five o’clock in the morning.

Daughter 1: Why is dad in here?

Dad: [Cut to dad] Because it’s time for you to pack your bags. We’re going to Disney World.

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Disney world?

Daughter 2: Yes, that’s so nice, but you don’t have to cheer us up. We already know that mom’s leaving you.

Dad: [Cut to dad] She what?

Son 2: [Cut to dad and two sons] Don’t worry.

Son 1: Yeah, we’re fine with it.

Dad: What are you talking about?

Son 1: [Cut to son 1] My god, does he not know?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] No, no, no. He has to know.

Son 2: [Cut to dad and two sons] He’d be idiot if he didn’t know.

Daughter 1: The whole town knows. [Cut to Daughter 1] It’s in the newspaper.

Son 1: The messed-up part is dad is the one who introduced each of them to one another?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Introduced who? What’s happening? [Cut to everybody in the room]

Son 1: No, is our dad dumb?

Son 2: Yeah.

Daughter 2: He didn’t even notice when the cat ran away, we replaced it with a dog.

Dad: You what? My cat?

Daughter 1: What is wrong with him?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Okay, enough. Have some respect. I am your father.

Son 1: [Cut to Dad and two sons] I mean, not technically.

Dad: What does that mean?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] I mean, how can we know all of this and our dad has no idea.

Son 2: [Cut to Dad and two sons] You mean your dad!

Dad: [Cut to Dad] All right, how about this. Why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on here and I will still take you to Disney world.

Son 1: [Cut to Son 1]We were just at Disney world.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] You were?

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2]Yeah, for Jeremy’s birthday.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Jeremy?

Son 2: [Cut to Jeremy] Me. Does he not know our names?

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Wait, wait, if you were at Disney, where was I?

Son 2: [Cut to Dad and two sons] We assumed you were coming but then we realized mom didn’t invite you.

Daughter 2: [Cut to two daughters] Yeah, and we were like why are we at Disney World with dad’s boss?

Son 2: Yeah, is dad as boss, [Cut to Son 2] Ron going to be with us the whole trip?

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] It was pretty clear he and mom were sleeping together.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Oh, I’m so confused, I can scream right now.

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Actually, why are we whispering?

Dad: I don’t want to [Cut to Dad] wake up your mother.

Son 1: [Cut to Dad and two sons] Dad, she’s definitely not here.

Dad: What?

Daughter 1: [Cut to two daughters] Yeah, she’s been gone or a month. She lives in Arizona with Ron and in four days, so will we.

Dad: [Cut to Dad] Oh, I’d love to go too, Arizona. I’ve never seen the ocean.

[Cut to Son 1 looking confused]

Son 1: Dad, and I mean this, what the hell is wrong with you?

Dad: [Cut to Dad and two sons] Okay, okay. Listen, [Dad walks up to Jeremy and sits beside him] I have something, I want to tell you guys. Things haven’t been going well with your mom.

Son 2: Jesus, dad.

Dad: I think she might be cheating on me.

Daughter 2: [Cut to Daughter 2] I can’t do this again.

Dad: [Cut to Dad and Jeremy] Maybe with my friend Dave.

Son 2: It’s [Cut to everybody in the room] Ron!

Dad: But I’m giving up because you kids are four miracles. You’re my miracles. [Cut to Dad and Jeremy] Especially since your mother and I have only done it twice.

Son 2: All right, dad, I think that’s enough.

Dad: Okay, you’re right. All right. [Cut to everybody in the room] I’m going to bed. I have a big day today. Gonna surprise my kids with a trip to Disney.