SWAT Recon

Kenan Thompson

Miller… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Kenan and Miller looking outside through binoculars]

Radio: Recon team, we have SWAT units taking positions now. You have eyes on target?

Kenan: Affirmative, Captain. [Cut to view from binocular through a window. 3 is sitting on a couch on the phone] Target is seating in the living room on the phone. If he was smart, he’d be calling a lawyer. We’ve got this guy on 52 counts of illegal arms sells, over.

Radio: I wouldn’t think twice about shooting at a cop. That’s why we gotta do this one by the book. Is the building clear of civilians?

Miller: Stand by. Sounds like we’ve got some activity in the neighbors place.

[binocular view moves to another window. There are two guys partying.]

Kenan: Um, okay.

Miller: Are those two grown men dancing and eating cotton candy?

Kenan: that’s what it looks like.

Radio: Recon, what’s going on in the neighbor’s apartment?

Miller: Um, not totally sure, sir. Stand by. We got to adult males mid-to-late 30s, caucasian having a cotton candy dance party. Over.

Radio: Sorry, did you say cotton candy dance party?

Kenan: Yes, sir. We currently have eyes on two stoped dudes, feeling the groove in unison while pigging out on cotton candy. Just having an absolute blast. Over.

Radio: Is that some sort of fetish thing?

Kenan: Negative captain. The whole thing has a very innocent 11 year old best friends sleep over vibe. Over.

Radio: Okay. I will inform all units to be aware of the cotton candy dance party next door. Over.

Miller: Hold on, captain. The advise cotton candy party has ended.

Radio: What’s going on now?

Kenan: Alright, this one is trickier. At first glance, neighbors are having what appears to be a backpack fashion show. Over.

Radio: What is a backpack fashion show?

Miller: Exactly what it sounds like, sir. Two people showing off backpacks like they’re working runways. Very fun and silly, but let me just add, captain, they know it’s silly. It’s super tongue and cheek, sir.

Radio: Okay. I will advise strike team of the tongue and cheek backpack fashion show. Stand by.

Kenan: [talking to Miller] Man, you remember when you could have fun like that?

Radio: Hey, Recon, can you give us an update on the suspect?

[binocular view moves to suspect’s window.]

Kenan: Yeah. Okay. Target is currently loading a machine gun.

Radio: What? We’re gonna have to move on this guy now. Has the situation changed next door?

[binocular view moves to another window. There are three guys partying now.]

Kenan: Oh, big time! Two males are bouncing on exercise balls and are now joined by, brace for impact, a tall African-American woman wearing a zoot suit. And smacking on the world’s biggest gummy bear. What is going on?

Radio: Alright. I don’t know how much longer we can wait here. Strike team has to move.

Kenan: Well, then advise strike team that suspect has joined circus of confusion next door. [The suspect is also dancing in the party with  cotton candy] And no need to rush, target’s not gonna run. He’s having the time of his life. I’m seeing this and all I can think is when did I stop allowing myself to cut loose. Am I right? [Kenan looks at Miller. Miller is not there.] Okay, be advised sergeant Miller has joined the party and I am going to as well.