Teacher Trial

Bill Arnold… Beck Bennett

Paula Abbott… Aidy Bryant

Janet Johnson-Luna… Cecily Strong

Gabbin Deli… Pete Davidson

Cathy Deli… Kate McKinnon

Plaintiff lawyer… Taraji P. Henson

Judge… Kenan Thompson

Mr. Deli… Bobby Moynihan

Defense lawyer… Venessa Bayer

[Starts with HLN intro]

Male voice: You’r watching HLN. That stands for Head Line News.

[Cut to the pieces of news on cut news papers]

When I return to HLN’s live coverage of Hot For Teacher: the Janet Johnson-Luna’s civil trial.

[Cut to Bill Arnold and Paula Abbott]

Bill Arnold: Bill Arnold along side Paula Abbott. Here at the Hillsborough County Courthouse in Tampa Bay for day six of the trial of Janet Johnson-Luna.

[Cut to Janet Johnson-luna sitting in a courtroom.]

A 32 year old teacher at Villa River High School, [Cut to Bill Arnold and Paula Abbott] who was caught having a sexual relationship with 16 year old student Gabbin Deli.

Paula Abbott: In court today is Deli’s mother, [Cut to 5 crying in the courtroom] Cathy Deli, who is suing Ms. Luna on behalf of her son.

[Cut to Bill Arnold and Paula Abbott]

Bill Arnold: We now go to the courtroom where Gabbin Deli has taken the stand.

[Cut to the courtroom.]

Plaintiff lawyer: Good morning, Mr. Deli.

Gabbin Deli: Hello, ma’am.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Mr. Deli, your physical relationship with the defendant lasted how long?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, five glorious weeks, ma’am.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Can you point out the defendant for the court.

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Yeah, she is right over there, looking all fine.

[Cut to Janet Johnson-luna. She is blushing]

Janet Johnson-luna: [smiling] You’re stupid.

[Cut to 5, Plaintiff lawyer and Janet Johnson-luna]

Mrs. Deli: [yelling]

She’s a monster!

[Cut to Judge]

Judge: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s keep it cool.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: The affair began on April 15, 2014, correct?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Yes, ma’am. It was the best day of my life.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Did you feel pressured into being physical with Ms. Luna?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, no. I instigated it. After school, I went in and said, “What can I do for some extra credit?” And it was on.

[Cut to Judge and Gabbin Deli]

Judge: Look at you.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Mr. Deli. You mother said you came home that day and felt sick.

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Oh, yeah. I asked for some time in home because I was fist pumping the entire walk home from school, and my arm muscles were a little sore.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: How would you describe your mental state after the affair began?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, I’d say it felt like what Disney Land is.

[Cut to Janet Johnson-luna blushing]

Janet Johnson-luna: [smiling] Oh, my god! So embarrassing.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Mr. Deli, when your classmates became aware of your relationship with Ms. Luna, what happened at school?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: I just remember giving thousands of high-fives.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Did the kids call you names?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, yes ma’am. The man, luckiest guy ever, my hero, baller, lil Pimp, lil baller, the one, good year pimp, Fred Pimpstone, Ran and Pimpy, king of the teachers, after school special, teacher’s petter, the boy who lived, Gabbin the great, Magic the Gabbining, Legend, super cala fragalistic this be such a dope kid, and he who had sex with teachers. I’m sorry, that’s all I can remember but those were the main ones.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Noted. Now, Mr. Deli, were you bullied as the result of the affair?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: No, I wasn’t. I would describe it as the end of the movie ‘Rudy’. I was Rudy.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Are you okay, your honor?

[Cut to Judge laughing]

Judge: Yeah, yeah. It’s just this guy. Extra credit!

[Cut to Janet Johnson-luna blushing]

Janet Johnson-luna: [smiling] So corny.

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: [clears throat as to get attention] Mr. Deli, how did your relationship with the defendant affect your home life?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, it actually brought me closer to my dad. After he saw a picture of Ms. Luna, he took me to a Mallen’s game and bought me my first beer.

[Cut to 5 and Mr. Deli. 5 is staring at Mr. Deli angrily and Mr. Deli is just looking at Gabbin Deli.]

Mr. Deli: [nodding his head to Gabbin Deli] I love you.

[Mr. Deli is really proud] [Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Did Ms. Luna make arrangements to meet you after your mother filed a restraining order?

[Cut to Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, she did say she wanted to meet that weekend but my schedule was so hectic. I had some meet and greets. And that Sunday, it was Gabbin night at the minor league hockey game. And I was asked to ride the zamboni and sing, “Hot for Teacher.”

[Cut to Plaintiff lawyer]

Plaintiff lawyer: Yeah, I’m done!

[Cut to the courtroom] [Plaintiff lawyer sits down]

Judge: Defense.

[Cut to Janet Johnson-luna and Defense lawyer]

Defense lawyer: You know, we’re beyond good at this point, your honor.

[Cut to Judge and Gabbin Deli]

Gabbin Deli: Um, may I be excused, sir?

Judge: No… not until you pound it! Ha-ha-ha.

[Judge gives Gabbin Deli a fist to pound]

Mr. Extra Credit right here. Yeah, you excused.

[Gabbin Deli climbs over the stand and goes to Janet Johnson-luna in haste]

2014 minute recess.

[Cut to Janet Johnson-luna and Gabbin Deli]

Janet Johnson-luna: Don’t do that.

Gabbin Deli: I wasn’t gonna.

[Janet Johnson-luna and Gabbin Deli are blushing]

Sesame Street with Taraji P. Henson

Cookie… Taraji P. Henson

[Starts with Sesame Street intro]

Male voice: This week on Sesame Street, the count is making cupcakes.

[Cut to Count Von Count counting cupcakes]

Count Von Count: Five, six and seven. Seven cup cakes. Ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to Elmo]

Male voice: Elmo’s got a new backpack. And Cookie is being a real monster.

[Cut to Cookie Monster]

Cookie Monster: Who? Me?

Cookie: No, me.

[Cookie from Empire walks in]

Cookie Monster: Wow, wow, wait a minute.

Male voice: From the hit show, Empire, it’s special guest Cookie.

[Cut to Ernie]

Ernie: Hey, Bert. I’ll change my apple for half of your sandwich.

[Cut to Bert and Ernie. Cookie from Empire walks in]

Cookie: No, uh-uh! He’s trying to play you. What you trying to do, big man?

[Cut to Ernie looking worried]

Ernie: But- but–

Cookie: B-B-B-But! Oh, now you can’t speak English?

[Cut to Bert looking shocked]

Male voice: Relationships will crumble.

[Cut to Cookie from Empire with Big Bird and Mr. Snuffleupagus]

Cookie: You remember something, Snuffy, I knew this bird first.

Mr. Snuffleupagus: Can’t we all be friends Cookie?

Cookie: Snuffy, you need to stop rapping like you from the streets, coz you not about that life!

Male voice: And this week, Cookie is gonna get what’s her’s.

[Cut to Cookie Monster and Cookie from Empire]

Cookie Monster: You want to share me cookie?

[Cookie Monster shows Cookie a cookie]

Cookie: Oh, no baby, Cookie don’t share.

Male voice: No matter what the cost.

[Cut to Cookie from Empire and Murray Monster]

Murray Monster: Oh, no! I can’t find Elmo anywhere.

[Murray Monster looks at Cookie. She is wearing a red fur coat.]

Oh, wait a minute. Cookie, where did you get that red fur?

Cookie: Don’t you worry about it baby!

Male voice: Betrayal, revenge, sing-a-longs.

[Cut to Sesame Street characters singing with Cookie from Empire]

Cookie: Y’all are freaks. That’s good. I can mark at that.

Male voice: Sesame Street, starring Taraji P. Henson.

[Cut to Cookie]

Cookie: The P is for Puppet! Hmph!

[The end]