Tag: T’Challa

Black Jeopardy with Chadwick Boseman

Darnell Hayes… Kenan Thompson

Shanice… Leslie Jones

Rashad… Chris Redd

T’Challa… Chadwick Boseman

[Starts with Black Jeopardy intro]

Male voice: This is Black Jeopardy.

[Cut to the show stage. There’s one host and three contestants.]

[cheers and applause]

Darnell: Yeah. Hi. Wad up? Wad up? Wad up? Welcome to Black Jeopardy. The only Jeopardy where our prize is paid in installments. Alright, I’m your host Darnell Hayes. Today’s contestants Shanice.

Shanice: Hi.

Darnell: Rashad.

Rashad: What’s crackin?

Darnell: And, oh! This is so exciting. All the way from Wakanda, it’s T’Challa.

[cheers and applause]

T’Challa: Greetings Darnell. I am a big fan of this program.

Darnell: Well, this might be the blackest Black Jeopardy yet. Let’s take a look at that categories. Alright, we got “Grown ass”, “Ah Hell naw”, “Fid’na”, “Girl, bye”, “I ain’t got it”, and as always “White people.” Alright, Shanice, You are returning champ. You pick.

Shanice: Okay. Let’s go to “Aw hell naw” for $100.

Darnell: Okay, answer there. Your barber has a two hour wait, but there’s an empty chair up front.

[buzzer sound]

Rashad.

Rashad: What is, “Aw hell naw, there’s a reason your chair is empty.”

Darnell: You damn right. You damn right it is. You can end up looking like The Weeknd. Alright, Rashad, the board is your’s.

Rashad: Let’s go with “Fid’na” for $200.

Darnell: Okay, the answer. They fid’na to take prayer out of school.

[buzzer]

Shanice.

Shanice: What is, “They wonder why everybody pregnant?”

Darnell: Yes. Yes. Bad things happen when you kick Jesus out your house. That’s right. Alright, it’s your pick, Shanice.

Shanice: Let’s stick with “Fid’na” for $400.

Darnell: This is the reason your cable bill is in your grand mamma’s name.

[buzzer]

Oh, T’Challa.

T’Challa: What is, “To honor her as the as the foundation of the family.”

[audience laughing]

Darnell: Hmm, that’s really nice. It’s wrong. But it’s really nice. Anybody else? The reason your cable bill is in your grand mamma’s name.

[buzzer]

Shanice.

Shanice: What is, “Coz fid’na get a car and I don’t need all that on my credit.”

Darnell: I feel you. I feel you. Yeah, your grandma ain’t gonna need that good credit too much longer. Alright, Shanice, it’s your pick.

Shanice: Let’s go “I ain’t got it” for $200.

Darnell: Alright. The lady from Sallie Mae says your student loan is past due.

[buzzer]

Rashad.

Rashad: What is, “I ain’t got it because I died. You talking to a ghost.”

Darnell: Yeah. That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. You can’t bill what’s not there, okay? Just ask Wesley Snipes. Ain’t that right, T’Challa?

T’Challa: I don’t know this one.

Darnell: That’s alright. You’ll get there. Alright, Rashad, it’s your pick.

Rashad: Am, let’s go with “Aw hell naw” for $400.

Darnell: Alright, the answer. The airline sys they wanna charge twenty-five dollars to check your bag.

[buzzer]

Shanice.

Shanice: What is, “Aw hell naw. Looks like I’m gonna fly to Jamaica with 50 pounds of suitcase in my lap.”

Darnell: You damn right. You damn right. That’s right. And I dare the stewardess to say something. That’s right. Let’s keep going.

Shanice: Let’s say with “Grown ass” for $600.

Darnell: Alright. You send your smart-ass child here ’cause she thinks she grown.

[buzzer]

T’Challa.

T’Challa: What is, “To one of our free university where she can apply her intelligence. And perhaps one day become a great scientist.”

Darnell: Okay. Well, the answer were were looking for was, “Out my damn house.” But you know what? I’m gonna give it to you, T’Challa. Y’all must not have no mean streets in Wakanda. Alright, the board is your’s.

T’Challa: Very well. Let’s go to “Ah hell naw” for $800.

Darnell: Okay. The policeman says there’s been some robberies in your neighborhood and asks if you have any information.

T’Challa: What is, “Not only do I tell this man what I know, but I also assist him in tracking down the offender. After all, our ministers of law enforcement are only here to protect us.” Is this correct?

[Darnell makes funny face]

Darnell: I mean, it should be. But I’m thinking you haven’t spent much time in America. Let’s just hear about today’s prizes. Johnny!

[Cut to Black Jeopardy prize listing]

Male voice: Thanks, Darnell. Today’s Black Jeopardy winner will receive Uesta Hold Margarine, personal plastic containers that used to hold margarine. “Put whatever you want in there.” And well done steaks. “If I see a speck of red, it’s going back. You better cook my food with well done steaks.” And by Sprite. “How did we become the black soda? We don’t know.” Back to you, Darnell.

[Cut to the game stage]

Darnell: Ooh! I do love Sprite. Alright, T’Challa, the board is your’s.

T’Challa: I am ready. Let’s go to “White people” for $400.

[Darnell is making shocked faces.]

Darnell: Okay, let’s try it. Your friend Karen brings her potato salad to your cookout.

[buzzer]

Oh-oh. T’Challa.

T’Challa: I think I’m getting the hang of this. Before I answer, a few questions. This woman Karen, she’s caucasian, right?

Darnell: Yes.

T’Challa: And she has her own recipe for potato salad, right?

Darnell: Yeah.

T’Challa: Ah! I understand. It is noble that she would volunteer to cook for everyone. And although I have never had potato salad…

Darnell: Of course.

T’Challa: … I sense that this white woman does not season her food.

Darnell: That’s right.

T’Challa: And if she does, it is only with a tiny bit of salt and no paprika.

Darnell: No paprika. No.

T’Challa: And she will probably add something unnecessary like resins.

Darnell: I know, right?

T’Challa: So, something tells me that I should say–

Darnell: Say it.

T’Challa: “Aw hell naw Karen. Keep your bland ass potato to yourself.”

Darnell: [celebrating] Yes! Yes! Whoo! Oh, man! You got it, T’Challa.

T’Challa: In the face.

Darnell: Yeah. Black Panther, welcome to Black Jeopardy.

Female voice: How many square feet is that?

Male voice: For three bedrooms?

Female voice: What a deal.

Darnell: Oh, well. The sound of white people shopping nearby for real estate means that the fun is over. So, let’s take a break. We’ll be right back with more Black Jeopardy.

Black Panther New Scene

T’kana… Sterling K. Brown

T’Challa… Chris Brown

Oni… Leslie Jones

M’Butu… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with different comic clips of Black Panther]

Male voice: Black Panther. Now, Marvel Digital unleashes several deleted scenes. Our first find T’Challa on a spiritual journey to D’Jalia, the mystical realm of the ancestors. There he asks for wisdom to guide him in the impending war.

[Cut to T’Challa in D’Jalia. He is looking at the tree. T’kana walks in.]

T’kana: Welcome my son.

T’Challa: Who are you?

T’kana: Do you not know? I am T’kana, your great, great grandfather.

T’Challa: But you’ve been dead for decades.

T’kana: Ha-ha-ha. Only my body has gone. My spirit lives here as do all the ancestors.

[Oni walks in]

Oni: As will your’s someday.

T’Challa: Great aunt Oni?

Oni: Yes, nephew. We are all here. Every relative you have ever known. The royal bloodline stretching through all of time. Even those who married into it.

[There are other relatives who are in line. Then there’s M’Butu who is making barbecue.]

M’Butu: Alright, who wants some burger? Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, they’r gonna be ready in about two to three minutes now.

T’Challa: Uncle M’Butu.

M’Butu: T’Challa? Boy, I’ve seen you in a long time. What’s happening? Ay! Ay! Ay! Junior, you gotta take their plate at your lip if you gonna go swimming. That’s how you get the swamp mouth.

T’Challa: But I thought you were alive.

M’Butu: Oh, well, yeah, I was up until about two, three days ago, man. You now how my old lady’s one of them bald warrior women who guard the king?

T’Challa: Yes.

M’Butu: You know, the Dora Milage. Yeah, well, the other night I simply suggested maybe she wear a wig. You know? Just to be playful. I said, “Damn, woman. I’m tired of making love to Michael Jordan.” That’s the last thing I remember. Ha-ha. And now I’m here in what I guess is heaven. But I got one question for y’all. Where’s the weed at?

Oni: I told you, there is no weed.

M’Butu: Oh, you hiding it, huh? Um-umm.

T’kana: Uncle M’Butu is still adjusting. You can’t pick your family.

M’Butu: Yeah. T’Challa, look here. My bank account is running a little low right now. Can you spot me a little vibranium? Come on, man. I need a new ride. Everybody here is riding a war rhino. You know what I got? An ostrich.

T’Challa: I have no possession on this spiritual plain.

M’Butu: Oh. That’s right. I forgot about that. Man, what time of day is it? Man, I can’t tell. Everything is purple. Ha-ha.

T’Challa: [to T’kana] All of you live here in harmony together?

Oni: We do our best.

T’Challa: Often, we take the form of a spirit animal. I am a panther.

Oni: And I am a panther.

M’Butu: Yeah. For some reason, I’m a warthog. Probably coz I’m round and I’m friendly. And every now and then I eat a little trash. [M’Butu is holding a burger] Somebody have one of these burgers, man. T’kana, come on.

T’kana: No, thank you.

M’Butu: Come on, man. You don’t never eat my cooking. This here is lion’s meat. The goo stuff. Check this here out. [M’Butu hold the burger like the monkey holds Simba in Lion King.] [singing Lion King song.]

[After a moment, M’Butu takes a bite.]

Yeah, that’s still frozen. Um-hmm.

Oni: Uncle M’Butu! Please, T’Challa. What is your concern?

T’Challa: I am much troubled. Wakanda is in the verge of civil war. The Jubari are preparing to attack from the mountains. I am considering my first strike.

T’kana: My son, the Jubari are proud people. If you approach them with respect, they will return it.

M’Butu: Shh! Not likely! Ha-ha. Let me tell you something about the mountain folks, man. They are sneaky. And they all smell like goat milk.

T’kana: Um, M’Butu, thank you. I’m so glad I get to spend eternity with you together. Um, T’Challa, know this, for all of history there has been war. But only once in a while in a generation are there men who will come together– [M’Butu puts the burger in T’kana’s mouth] No! No, thank you.

M’Butu: You wanna taste it?

T’kana: No, thank you. Once in a generation, there are men who are committed–

M’Butu: [putting burger in T’kana’s mouth again] This is baby lion.

T’kana: I said no. No. Committed to peace.

M’Butu: Come on. Try a little bit. [M’Butu rubs the burger all over T’kana’s mouth.]

T’kana: I don’t want it!

M’Butu: I’m sorry, man. I’ll back off. But hey, T’Challa, stick around, man. You know what happens when you go away. We just sit here. Yeah. They all turn into panthers. I turn into a warthog again. And then they all start hunting me, man, because all they see is bacon. It’s hard. Help me out. Just for the weekend.

T’Challa: Oh! Here, have a komoyo bead.

M’Butu: Oh! That’s nice. Yeah. That’s real nice. You know, two would be nicer.

T’Challa: No

M’Butu: Alright. Well, you alright with me, T’Challa. Come on, y’all, let’s party, man! Somebody play my music.

[music playing. The other relatives come close to the barbecue and start dancing with M’Butu.]

T’Challa: [to T’kana] Perhaps, I should return to seek guidance for my people.

T’kana: No. Stay. He’s worse when he’s a warthog.

M’Butu: Man, for real. What time of day is it? I don’t know.