Miles Teller Monologue

Miles Teller

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Miles Teller.

[Miles Teller walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Miles Teller: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I am so excited to be here hosting the season premiere of SNL. This is my first time hosting and I know they like when you do impressions and play different celebrities and I wanted to come prepared. So I asked my friends What celebrity do I look like? I was thinking a young De Niro, maybe a Paul Newman. And they were like “Nope, Rachel Maddow.” I didn’t see it personally. But then one of them sent me this this year. [A pictures of him and Rachel Maddow appear where they look similar]

I was in a movie called Top Gun Maverick. And one of the things that I loved about the movie is that it really seemed to bring people together. I mean, it’s not every day you get a movie that’s loved by both the military community and the gay community. That worked out. It was also amazing getting to work with Tom Cruise. I mean, that guy is legend. We both pushed ourselves to the absolute limit for this movie. I mean, he did his own stunts, and I grew my own moustache. In the movie, there’s a scene where my character rooster plays and sings Great Balls of Fire on the piano. And, you know, I played piano a bit growing up so I told him, “Look, I don’t need a double guy. So I will do this myself. I’ll do it live.” So I learned the song and I practiced it a bunch. I even took piano lessons. My instructor was JK Simmons. He was surprisingly nice. Thank you JK. And onset, I played the entire song beginning to end. And then when I saw the movie, this is what they ended up using.

[a funny clip from the movie plays]

I gotta say I am so honored to be here. Growing up, me and my family would watch SNL every week, and then my sisters and I would reenact some of the sketches. And my mom would videotape them. One of our favorites was the Spartan cheerleaders, you know with Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri. I of course played Cheri Oteri because I was eight and I had the frame for it. Now I thought that video was lost. But my mom found it. And she’s here tonight and she brought it. [an old video of him and his sister playing Spartan Cheerleaders is playing]

Sister in the video: Ready?

Miles Teller: That’s me in the tank top. My sister Erin is playing Will Ferrell. Oh yeah. And if you look in the background, that’s my other sister Dana. Pretty sure she’s playing Lorne Michaels. And then we finish our routine with the classic “Who’s that Spartan in my TP.”

Sister in the video: Ay, Who’s that Spartan in my TP?

Miles Teller in the video: It’s me! It’s me!

Sister in the video: Ay, Who’s that Spartan in my TP?

Miles Teller in the video: It’s me! It’s me!

Miles Teller: Nailed it. But seriously, how crazy is that? My parents used to watch me doing skits in my living room. And now they’re here watching me host Saturday Night Live. [cheers and applause] We got a great show for you tonight. Kendrick Lamar is here. Stick around, we’ll be right back.