Tag: Tennessee

Weekend Update- Tennessee Lt. Gov. Randy McNally on Gay Instagram Thirst Traps

Colin Jost

Randy McNally… Molly Kearney

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: This week, Tennessee Lieutenant Governor Randy McNally was caught using his verified Instagram account to engage with provocative photos of a young gay man. Here to comment is Lieutenant Governor Randy McNally.

[Randy McNally slides in]

Randy McNally:  Sorry I’m late. I spent all day printing out map quest directions.

Colin Jost: Oh my god. Map quest?

Randy McNally: Yes, I don’t know if you noticed, but I am not good at the internet.

Colin Jost: Yeah, right. So Randy, you’re a married man who supports Tennessee’s anti drag laws. Can you explain why you commented on a thirst trap saying “You can turn a rainy day into rainbows and sunshine?”

Randy McNally: Well, I didn’t think people would find out because I used to screen name.

Colin Jost: Oh, what is the screen name?

Randy McNally: Lieutenant Governor McNally.

Colin Jost: Randy, do you see how this could be a problem? And also I want to find out you commented three hearts and three fire emojis on this naked photo of the same young gay man.

Randy McNally: Well Colin, I don’t discriminate. I comment on photos of all their orientations. Orientations like from the side, from the front, from the back. There does not have to be a  butt, but it helps. Whenever the photo, it’s my job to encourage my constituents.

Colin Jost: Right. No, I think there’s just maybe some confusion about your beliefs.

Randy McNally: Colin, I stand by my traditional values. I believe a woman should be in the home and a man should be Colin Jost43 pounds dancing to Dua Lipa.

Colin Jost: Okay. Okay. Yes, you’re very, very cute, but you are claiming these interactions are innocent, but it does not look good.

Randy McNally: Colin. I’m just looking out for the little guy Joe Average. Every Tom Dick and hairless.

Colin Jost: I think so the people of Tennessee feel misled.

Randy McNally: Oh, Colin. It’s no big deal. I’m just looking. Looking at pictures on Zillow doesn’t make me a homeowner, although I have done a few 3d tours.

Colin Jost: Okay. Randy-

Randy McNally: Randy by name, Randy by nature.

Colin Jost: Why are you interacting with these young man? Why?

Randy McNally: Because I’m talking to voters or people who could vote in the future. I’m a proud conservative. I respect police officers, firefighters and any man who puts his body online for others.

Colin Jost: Do you mean on the line for others?

Randy McNally: What did I say? By the way, any chance you can put me out another map quest? I’m trying to get to flaming saddles.

Colin Jost: Alright. Randy, folks are calling you a hypocrite for endorsing anti LGBTQ laws while seeming to enjoy queer content.

Randy McNally: Well, Colin, what do you want me to say? I’m a hypocrite that I was flirting with the 20 year old dancing around in his fine washables. That I made it legal to have guns in libraries but not drag queens? That I publicly hate things that I secretly like? Both Republicans and Democrats are telling me to get off Instagram. And guess what? I will, because I forgot my password.

Colin Jost: Randy McNally, everyone.

Randy McNally: Make me a flaming saddle.

Weekend Update- Tennessee Bans Public Drag Shows, Trump Lashes Out at DeSantis

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Weekend Update intro]

Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.

[cheers and applause]

[Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che in their new set]

Colin Jost: Good evening everyone.

Michael Che: Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost.

[Cut to Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of Bill Lee.]

Tennessee Governor Bill Lee has signed a new law banning public drag performances with a six year prison sentence for repeat offenders. As first predicted in the now documentary,  Madea goes to jail.

A Tennessee state senator said the bill will prevent kids from being “Blindsided by a sexualized performance in public.” What are you talking about? Drag shows don’t just pop up like flash mobs and sprinkle gay dust on your kids. I never accidentally happened upon a drag show and I grew up in New York City. Now I have been blindsided by a sexualized performance a few times, but that’s just what you get when you take the bus.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Department of Energy logo.]

Michael Che: The US Energy Department concluded that COVID likely originated from a Wuhan laboratory leak and not a wet market. So I gave up in bats for nothing?

[Picture changes to Scott Adams and his cartoon Dilbert]

Newspapers around the country dropped the cartoon strip Dilbert after creator Scott Adams said he chose to live in a community where no black people live. So he lives in your building, huh Colin?

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Scott Adams and his cartoon Dilbert.]

Colin Jost: No. Newspapers dropped the cartoon strip effective immediately, and to rub it in there replacing Dilbert with Peanuts: Oops all Franklin.

Dilbert creator Scott Adams racist rant was in response to the results of a poll that asked respondents the question, “Is it okay to be white?” Oh, I’d say it’s more than just okay. [picture changes to Colin Jost holding a bunch of cash]

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of George Santos.]

Michael Che: The house the House Ethics Committee has announced an investigation into George Santos. “Well, thank God I’m not George Santos,” said George Santos.

[picture changes to Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis.]

Donald Trump accused Ron DeSantis of wanting to cut Social Security and Medicare and called the Florida Governor a wheelchair over the cliff kind of guy. Wheelchair over the cliff is also how Melania will finally get rid of him.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of TikTok logo and Chinese flat.]

Colin Jost: House Republicans concerned that China could use TikTok to illegally gather information on Americans, had voted for a bill that could ban the app nationwide. Replied Tiktok users…

[music playing]

[Colin start pointing at random directions where the words pop up, like the TikTok trending videos. The words say “We need to storm the Capitol.”]

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Jill Biden.]

Michael Che: That’s how he really dances too. First lady Jill Biden said in an interview that she maintains a good balance in the types of advice she offers President Biden, but it’s mostly “Hold on to the railing.” [picture changes to Joe Biden falling on a stairs]

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Alex Murdaugh.]

Colin Jost: This week, South Carolina Attorney Alex Murdaugh was found guilty of murder and also found guilty of looking like Will Ferrell dressed as Conan O’Brien.