Terry Fink… Alex Moffat[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set]
Colin Jost: It’s time for spring movies. Here to give us his picks for the season is film critic Terry Fink.[Terry Fink joins Colin Jost]
Terry Fink: Mr. Jost. A pleasure.
Colin Jost: Welcome, Terry. Now, I hear you watched every single film coming out this spring.
Terry Fink: That’s right. And I couldn’t have done it without a little trend called Macro Dosing.
Colin Jost: Sorry, did you say macro dosing?
Terry Fink: Yes. First up, superhero smash, Captain marvel. [Cut to Terry Fink. There’s a poster of Captain Marvel at left top corner of the screen] No surprise here, this film is a marvel of cinema. however I can’t say I love the climax of the film in which Captain Marvel turns into a bat and has sex with my high school gym teacher. But it’s still the best movie I’ve ever seen. Colin?[Cut to Terry Fink and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Yeah, Terry, I don’t remember that scene you described. Did you say macro dosing? Because I think you meant micro dosing. Right?Like hallucinogenics.
Terry Fink: Ain’t nothing micro about these doses. LSD helps me see all these wonderful films. Now, let’s talk [Cut to Terry Fink. There’s a poster of Dumbo at left top corner of the screen] ‘Dumbo’. With big ears and an even bigger heart, Dumbo is a terrifying journey through hell. Amostly grabled mess of colors and shapes. This bizarre remake of Bryan Cranston’s “Trumbo”, never quite finds it’s footing. But, just like an elephant, you’ll never forget it’s touching Jihadi message. I couldn’t stop crying or laughing or swearing or biting the fellow next to me. I give it three screaming hot dogs and one Dr. Robotic. Marcus?[Cut to Terry Fink and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Yeah, I’m Colin. How much LSD are you taking?
Terry Fink: Please. Who are you? The cop I slapped? Now, pass out the cigars, papa, because A Star Is Born.
Colin Jost: Yeah, that came out months ago.
Terry Fink: Oh, Colin, you still believe in time? [Cut to Terry Fink. There’s a poster of A Star Is Born at left top corner of the screen] There’s nothing shallow about Bradley Cooper’s performance as a pockmarked speed freak trying to smooch me in a Penn station stairwell. Mmwa! No thanks, Dante. Sadly, I was not as impressed by Lady Gaga who frankly pissed me off as that times square Elmo tried to pull my pants down. And 14 days without sleep, the film is a tad long but I give it two ketchup packets and 36 missed calls from my wife. Jesus?[Cut to Terry Fink and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Terry, I think you should get some help man.
Terry Fink: Ha-ha. Swish. Fun fact, when you talk, I see Japanese subtitles. That’s why I give you fingernail clipping and one slender man wearing a Zoot suit.
Colin Jost: Thank you very much, Terry Fink, everyone.
Terry Fink: I’m fine!