Emma Stone
Kate McKinnon
Aidy Bryant
[Starts with Emma, Kate and Aidy in a room full of candles and a Christmas tree.]
Kate: Everyone knows the story…
Emma: Of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Aidy: This is the story…
Emma: Of another more powerful Christmas savior.
[music playing]
Kate: [singing] The snow’s falling down
it’s Christmas time again
a woman has to get a gift for some girl at work named Jen
Emma: She doesn’t know what Jen likes
and she doesn’t super care
so she goes inside a closet just to see what crap’s in there
Aidy: And in darkness there’s a light
then suddenly she sees the Christmas savior’s here tonight
All: It’s a candle, peach candle
it’s been sitting by a bike for a year
for a year
She takes the candle
dust off the candle
and wraps it up for Jen and just says “Here”.
Emma: Then one day after this
in foggy London town
two acquaintances are having cheer when one puts a present down
Kate: The other says, “Wait, what?”
I mean I got you something too
and she rummages inside her purse for garbage that will do
Aidy: And it settles on
something that she had just gotten from her boyfriend’s mom
All: It’s a candle, same peach candle
regifted round the world in just one day
just one day
thank you candle, the one true candle
the candle we all get, then give away.
Aidy: But here’s a warning,
when you give a candle that is all that she needs
don’t pair it with the lotion or some little cream
a lot of people think two gifts are better than one
but that just makes each gift seem smaller and dumb
All: So, just give the candle, don’t overthink the candle
it’s passed to very single woman and most gays
we all get candle, we all give the candle
that $9 candle, that almost new candle
enjoyed by the candle,
it’s a gift of having a gift to give away
a gift of having a gift to give away
Emma: Thank you, candle.