The Christmas Candle (Emma Stone)

Emma Stone

Kate McKinnon

Aidy Bryant

[Starts with Emma, Kate and Aidy in a room full of candles and a Christmas tree.]

Kate: Everyone knows the story…

Emma: Of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Aidy: This is the story…

Emma: Of another more powerful Christmas savior.

[music playing]

Kate: [singing] The snow’s falling down
it’s Christmas time again
a woman has to get a gift for some girl at work named Jen

Emma: She doesn’t know what Jen likes
and she doesn’t super care
so she goes inside a closet just to see what crap’s in there

Aidy: And in darkness there’s a light
then suddenly she sees the Christmas savior’s here tonight

All: It’s a candle, peach candle
it’s been sitting by a bike for a year
for a year
She takes the candle
dust off the candle
and wraps it up for Jen and just says “Here”.

Emma: Then one day after this
in foggy London town
two acquaintances are having cheer when one puts a present down

Kate: The other says, “Wait, what?”
I mean I got you something too
and she rummages inside her purse for garbage that will do

Aidy: And it settles on
something that she had just gotten from her boyfriend’s mom

All: It’s a candle, same peach candle
regifted round the world in just one day
just one day
thank you candle, the one true candle
the candle we all get, then give away.

Aidy: But here’s a warning,
when you give a candle that is all that she needs
don’t pair it with the lotion or some little cream
a lot of people think two gifts are better than one
but that just makes each gift seem smaller and dumb

All: So, just give the candle, don’t overthink the candle
it’s passed to very single woman and most gays
we all get candle, we all give the candle
that $9 candle, that almost new candle
enjoyed by the candle,
it’s a gift of having a gift to give away

a gift of having a gift to give away

Emma: Thank you, candle.