Sarah Kinik… Cecily Strong
Jennifer… Amy Adams
Chris… Kyle Mooney
David… Kenan Thompson
Dana… Kate McKinnon
Jingle… Jay Phroah
Adina Hernandez… Aidy Bryang[Starts with clips of recording studio] [Cut to Sarah Kinik getting near the mic]
Sarah Kinik narrating: I want you to think about things you can’t see. Rotation of the planets. Electricity. Gravity. Because we only see the results and not the process, should we come to the conclusion that it doesn’t exist? I’m Sarah Kinik. On December 25th 1999, a small boy awoken ball to our Maryland. [Cut to and old video of a boy opening his Christmas gifts] He went down to his living room and found a NERF End Strike Mega Magnus Blaster. It’s mouthful, I know, that’s the toy you want it. Toy had no tag, no receipt. As if it appeared out of thin air. The boy maintained the toy had been brought by magic by a mysterious man named Chris. But I had to ask myself, could Christ really had done this? And if so, how?[Cut to SERIAL: One Story Told Week by Week video bumper.] [Cut to Jennifer speaking like in documentaries.]
Jennifer: Toys just appear at our house. Not just this year. Every year.
Interviewer: And you’re not buying them?
Sarah Kinik narrating: That’s Jennifer, the boy’s mother.[Cut to video of Sarah Kinik visiting Jennifer’s house.]
She’s actually the one who contacted me about this story. She sides with her son saying that she wasn’t responsible for the gift. Like, Chris did it. That he snuck into her house in the middle of the night and just left things. She said she even has proof.[Cut to Sarah Kinik and Jennifer in front of the chimney]
Jennifer: I left the cookies. And when I woke up, they were gone.
Sarah Kinik: And nobody followed up with you on this?
Sarah Kinik narrating: For the past year, I’ve been talking to Chris. [Cut to Chris making toys] A thousand year old toy maker who lives up north. It should be noted that Chris is part of the population who identify themselves as Elves. Their minority in the United States often looked shifty, secretive. But I’ll get to that later. Chris says that he not only left the toy for the boy in Baltimore, but he leaves millions of toys for kids around the world. And he does it one night. I know, shocking, right?[Cut to Sarah Kinik speaking on the phone]
Sarah Kinik: [on the phone] You know, it’s like, you said you hit every house. I mean, you understand that’s hard for people to swallow, you know what I mean?
Chris: [replying on the phone] Look, I don’t know how it works, you know? You’re either going to believe in me or not, but I know it’s real. Okay?
Sarah Kinik narrating: Christ would get like this sometimes about the more unbelievable parts of the story. But I guess he was right. How do you explain these things?[Cut to Sarah Kinik speaking on the phone]
Sarah Kinik: [on the phone] It’s just, you said you hit every town. Like, you understand, that’s hard for people to swallow, right? You know what I mean?
Chris: [replying on the phone] And I understand that. I get that, you know. But for me, when it comes down to, is like, Christmas magic. You know what I mean? I don’t know what else to say. I just don’t know what to say, you know?
Sarah Kinik narrating: I had to follow up on this. It just seemed so outlandish. [Cut to Sarah Kinik meeting David] So, I called my friend David who has been delivering packages for 12 years. The same kind of packages Chris would have been delivering.[Cut to Sarah Kinik and David]
Sarah Kinik: What would the timeline be for someone to deliver a series of presents throughout the world. Is that even possible?[Cut to David]
David: Nah! I don’t think so.
Sarah Kinik narrating: I should mention that David works for UPS, which would be in direct competition with Chris.
David: No, I’ve never seen anything like that.
Sarah Kinik: Okay.
David: If he says he can do it, he is lying.
Sarah Kinik: Okay.
Sarah Kinik narrating: So, we attempted it.[Cut to Dana and Sarah Kinik building a sleigh out of card boards.]
My producer Dana and I built a sleigh. We couldn’t get reindeer so we got a small horse. Needless to say it went badly. Horse wouldn’t even fly.[Cut to Sarah Kinik speaking on the phone]
Sarah Kinik: [on the phone] We tried this. We didn’t even get close, you know?
Chris: But you didn’t have my reindeer! You know what I’m saying? Like, magic reindeer only know where I’m at. Yo, regular people can’t just make a reindeer fly. You know what I’m saying?
Sarah Kinik: Yeah.
Sarah Kinik narrating: This is my biggest problem with Chris’s story. I understand hitting one town overnight. Maybe two. But every town in the world just didn’t seem right. That brings us to Jingle. [Cut to Jingle] Jingle’s an elf who claims he was with Chris on December 25th, 1999. He says they drove around, got high, hung out. That’s it. No presents, no flying. Jingle was the prosecution star witness in a trial against Chris on 24th street a few years ago. Here’s a recording of defense attorney Adina Hernandez cross examining Jingle back then.
Adina Hernandez: Now, Jingle. Did you tell the other elves on March 14th that Chris was magic?
Jingle: No, Ma’am, I did not.
Adina Hernandez: You never? Not once?
Jingle: No, Ma’am.
Adina Hernandez: Whaaaaaat?
Sarah Kinik narrating: So, if Jingle didn’t see Chris leave the present, did anyone? Maybe there are people out there who claim they’ve seen Chris leave lots of presents. Maybe they’ve written in letters. Maybe they’ve sat on his lap. And then there’s the Nisha call. Next time on SERIAL.[Cut to Dana]
Dana: So, it’s mail kim? (MailChimp)
Sarah Kinik: what?