Taran Killam
Kate McKinnon
Pete Davidson
Miley Cyrus
Kenan Thompson
Jaden… Jon Rudnitsky
[Starts with an announcement]
Male voice: This fall, FOX presents a workplace drama unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
[Cut to Taran]
Taran: It took 25 years of work and sacrifice to climb my way to top of this company. But finally, I’m here.
[Kate walks in. She is busy using her phone.]
Kate: [speaking without looking at Taran] Hi. I know you’re talking to yourself at the window. But I need promotion.
Taran: I’m sorry. What do you want?
Kate: A promotion. And I don’t want it. I deserve it.
Taran: W-w-why? How long have you even worked here?
Kate: Three full days.
Taran: I’m sorry. Who are you again?
[Kate is smiling and looking at the camera]
[Cut to the show video bumper]
Male voice: The Millennials.
[Cut to Taran and Kate]
Taran: I’m sorry. Let me get this straight. You worked here for three days and you expect a promotion?
Kate: Um, yeah! Nothing crazy like, maybe Director of communications, or executive creator or pictures.
Taran: Pictures?
Kate: Yeah. I know Photoshop. Now, I’m gonna take a nap. Where’s the nap room?
[Kate leaves]
[Cut to Taran looking confused.]
[Cut to the show video bumper]
Male voice: The Millennials. A show that explores what no other dares to. Beautiful 20 something’s trying to find the success and love they’re entitled to.
[Cut to Pete and Miley in the office. Both of them are busy using their phones.]
Pete: Hey.
Miley: Hi.
Pete: I think you’re cute.
Miley: You do?
Pete: Yeah. I’m looking at picture of you and it’s really hot.
Miley: Oh, my god! You just fav-ed it? This is moving too fast. I mean I don’t even know how I identify.
Pete: Well, I identify as gay but I only sleep with women.
Miley: That’s very brave. I’m just gender lazy
[Kenan walks in]
Kenan: Oh, great! We’re talking about gender again.
[Cut to Miley and Kenan]
Miley: Oh, yeah! I’m so glad you’re here. I need to go south of France to get some perspective.
[Kenan is confused]
Kenan: So, you’re quitting?
Miley: No, I’m not a quitter. I just won’t be here at all. Dang!
Kenan: Well, we actually need you here to do your job.
Miley: [overreacting] Stop yelling at me. This is an assault.
[Cut to Pete, Miley and Kenan]
Pete: [shouting] Stop attacking her.
Miley: Ah!
[Cut to the show video bumper]
Male voice: The Millennials. Variety’s Brian Lowry says, “I met the cast and they were even more irritating than the characters they play”.
[Cut to Kate, Pete, Miley and Jaden. Jaden is at the window with his one leg over the window. Kate, Pete and Miley are busy using phone.]
Miley: Jaden, don’t do it!
Kate: Get away from that window.
[Cut to Jaden]
Jaden: I can’t go on like this. I cant… even!
[Kate, Pete and Miley. They’re busy using phone and are not even looknig at Jaden]
Miley: No! Don’t!
[Cut to Taran and Kenan looking at the others.]
Kenan: Do it! Do it!
Taran: Just do it!
[Cut to Jaden]
Jaden: Don’t try to stop me. I’ve been planning this. I’m taking a break from social media. [Jaden takes his phone out and takes a selfie. Then he throws the phone out of the window.]
[Cut to Kate, Pete and Miley]
Kate, Pete and Miley: No!
[Cut to Jaden]
Jaden: Oh, god! What have I done? I’ll be back in a second.
[Jaden jumps out of the window and falls]
[Cut to Kate, Pete and Miley]
Kate, Pete and Miley: Oh, my god!
[they run towards the window and start taking pictures]
[Cut to Kenan and Taran]
Taran: I hate these kids.
Kenan: Um-hmm!
[Cut to the show video bumper]
Male voice: The Millennials.
[The End]