Black Widow Trailer

Black Widow… Scarlett Johansson

Kate McKinnon

Thor… Taran Killam

Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah

Reporter… Cecily Strong

Captain America… Beck Bennett

Hulk… Bobby Moynihan

[Starts with Marvel Universe intro]

Male voice: You love the Marvel Universe. Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, but you wanna know why no Black Widow movie? Does marvel not know how to make a girl superhero movie? Chill! Marvel gets women. Coming in 2016. When it came to life in a big city, [Cut to Black Widow walking in the street] Black Widow had it all figured out. [Black Widow’s heel breaks]

A huge apartment, great friends and an internship at Fashion Weekly.

Kate: Where’s the new girl?

[Cut to Black Widow coming in the office doing somersault.]

Black Widow: Sorry.

Kate: Leather, with a low neckline? Take that off… and put it on the cover of our magazine.

[Black Widow is so happy]

Male voice: The only thing missing in Black Widow’s life was love.

[Black Widow meets Ultron in the park. Ultron is wearing a suit.]

Ultron: Hey, I’m Ultron.

Black Widow: Black Widow.

Ultron: You wanna grab a coffee?

Black Widow: I don’t really have time for dating guys now.

Ultron: What about robots?

[Cut to Thor and Black Widow]

Thor: So, who’s the guy?

Black Widow: Why do you think it’s always a guy, Thor?

Thor: Honey, you’re putting ketchup on your cereal.

Male voice: From Marvel Studios, and the writers of dresses, [Cut to Black Widow and Ultron enjoying in the park] comes the story of a super hero and her super romance.

[Cut to Black Widow and Ultron in a room. Ultron opens his pants and all sorts of robot sounds and lights are coming. Black Widow is looking carefully.]

Robot voice: Penis activated.

[Cut to Nick Fury, Black Widow and Captain America]

Nick Fury: I don’t know, Black Widow, I think you’re moving way too fast with this guy.

Captain America: Does he even know anything about you? Like your favorite food is ice cream?

[Thor walks in wearing a towel.]

Thor: Hey, BW. Your boyfriend is on the news.

[Cut to the TV]

Reporter: The robot named Ultron threw a bus at the Fashion Weekly building. I’d hate to be that guy’s girlfriend.

[Cut to Black Widow sobbing and crying alone] [News showing “I’m sorry” written on a building by fire] [Ultron visits Black Widow]

Black Widow: What are you doing here? You knew how much that job meant to me.

Ultron: I…

Black Widow: Do you even know what my favorite food is?

Ultron: Pizza?

Black Widow: Huh! Thank you!

[Black Widow kicks Ultron]

Male voice: For Black Widow, falling in love can be hard. But it can also be ‘Incredible’.

[Hulk walks to Black Widow]

Hulk: Where will you go?

Black Widow: Paris, France.

Hulk: But if you go Paris, then who help Hulk… [Hulk shows two ice creams] eat ice cream?

Male voice: Black Widow: Age of Me. Marvel, we know girls.

Avengers News Report

Janet… Cecily Strong

Dani Powel… Bobby Moynihan

Thor… Chirs Hemsworth

Iron Man… Taran Killam

Dr. Bruce Banner… Pete Davidson

Nick Fury… Jay Pharoah

Captain America… Beck Bennett

[Starts with Action News seven intro]

Male voice: This is Action News seven Special Report.

[Cut to Janet in her news set]

Janet: Breaking news. This afternoon as Ultron and his evil army of robots have been defeated. And once again, mankind has the Avengers to thank. We go live to downtown Washington DC where our reporter Dani is on the scene.

[Cut to Dani in in the scene. Thor is taking selfies with the public.]

Dani: Hi Janet, I stand here where just moments ago, the Avengers claimed victory over Ultron’s forces. Joining me if I can get him over here is the mighty Thor. Hey Thor!

[Thor walks in]

Thor: Woohoo!

Dani: Can we talk to you for a second?

Thor: [singing] We are the champions my friend

What’s up?

Dani: Oh, wow. Thor, what a spectacular showing from the Avengers. How are you feeling?

Thor: Oh, man! I am on pure adrenaline right now. I’m at like an 11. I’m cranked up. Whooo!

[Thor kisses Dani on his cheek]

Dani: Oh, my goodness!

Thor: I’m sorry. I totally just kissed your head. That was weird.

Dani: That’s okay. Yo, there was a moment there where it looked like Ultron was definitely going to kill everyone.

Thor: Yeah. I gotta give it up to those robots. They fought hard. But luckily, I’m Thor!

[The public behind him cheer for him.]

Pi-pi-pi-pi. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.

[Iron Man walks in]

Iron Man: Hey, um, don’t listen to a word this guy says.

Thor: Oh my god! This guy. Love this guy!

Dani: Mr. Stark. Is there anything you’d like to say?

Iron Man: Um, yeah. [Iron Man takes the mic] To the owner of a Blue Honda Accord, your lights are on. Oh, yeah, also there’s a building on it. Relax, that was a joke. Rim shot! Keep up people! Peace in the middle east. I’m going to Disney World.

Dani: Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Iron Man passes the mic back to Dani and leaves]

Thor: That guy has a dry sense of humor.

Dani: Oh-oh! And here comes Dr. Bruce Banner, a.k.a., the hulk.

[Dr. Bruce Banner walks in]

Dr. Banner.

Thor: This guy!

Dr. Bruce Banner: What happened?

Thor: You crushed it, man!

Dr. Bruce Banner: I think I ate a guy.

Thor: Yeah, you did. You ate a bunch of guys. You’re nut.

Dr. Bruce Banner: I need to sit down.

Thor: Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Dani: Dr. Bruce Banner–

Thor: Ay-Ay- Where is everyone going after this? We’re going out?

[The public cheering for him] [Cut to Janet]

Janet: Dani, it seems like the Avengers are confident there will be no further attacks.

[Cut to Thor is dancing behind him.]

Dani: No, I don’t have official word, Janet. But I would say that sounds very accurate considering Thor is doing the running man. But wait, oh, here’s someone who can give us some answers. Avenger’s leader, Nick Fury.

[Nick Fury walks in]

Mr. Fury.

Nick Fury: What?

Dani: Does Ultron still pose a threat?

Nick Fury: No!

Dani: Great! You heard it here first.

[Thor and Iron Man walk in and pours a bucket of ice and water on Nick Fury]

Nick Fury: I’m freezing!

Thor: Stark’s idea! Ha-ha-ha-ha.

[Captin America walks in]

Captin America: Hey, may I address your viewers?

Dani: Of course. Janet, I am joined now by Captain America.

Captin America: Citizens, please be aware. The mayor’s order to remain in your home is still in effect. [Thor is mocking Captin America from behind] Many buildings are unstable and several fires are not yet contained. Thank you.

Dani: Thank you, sir.

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Dani, do you have any new information about the extent of the damage? And when those evacuated might be allowed to return to their home?

[Cut to Dani. Thor is dancing behind.]

Dani: No, but Thor just informed me that the victory party is at the Dave&Busters on 9th street. And there also might be some late night karaoke. Okay, hey Thor. Still going.

[Thor takes the mic from Dani]

Thor: Hey, can I do a shoutout?

Dani: Of course, yeah!

Thor: Shout out to my brother Loki. I mean, I know we had our differences in the past and he tried to take over the world, but I love you man! And um, my ex! My ex, Jane. How do you like me now? Boom! Ha-ha. What else? What else? Check out my podcast on Soundcloud. It’s sick. It’s sick. Oh, and I’m sorry, we just destroyed your city.I love my life. Whooo!

[public cheering for Thor] [Dani gives his hand for a high-five. Thor gives Dani a high-five, it breaks Dani’s hand.]

Dani: [screaming] Oh, my god!

[Cut to Janet]

Janet: Thank you, Dani. Our live coverage continues after this.

[Ends with Action News seven outro]

Family Feud Cold Open | Season 44 Episode 19

Steve Harvey… Kenan Thompson

Thor… Alex Moffat

Thanos… Beck Bennett

Okoye… Ego Nwodim

Groot… Leslie Jones

Brienne… Kate McKinnon

Tormund Giantsbane… Mikey Day

Melisandre… Cecily Strong

Bran… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with C-SPAN show intro]

Narrator: You’re watching C-SPAN. Normally we would have shown you footage from Attorney General William Barr’s congressional testimony but Barr decided not to show up. And then the democrats chose to do some light prop comedy with a bucket of chicken. The whole thing was so depressing that we’d rather focus on the two things all American’s can get behind. ‘Game Of Thrones’ and ‘Avengers’.

[Cut to Family Feud set]

Announcer: It’s Family Feud and here’s your host, Steve Harvey.

[Steve walks in the set]

Steve Harvey: Yes, indeed. All right. Welcome to Celebrity Family Feud. I am Steve of house mustache. Today we got ‘The Avengers’ versus ‘Game Of Thrones’. All right. Let’s start with the Avengers because this show is just like their movies. We’re gonna open with 45 minute of introductions. All right. First of, the sexiest man in the Renaissance fair, its Thor.

[Cut to Thor]

Thor: Good day, Steve. It’s good to be handsome. I’m a god and I’m from space.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Oh, you’re a scientologist? Okay, next, we got swole grimace is Thanos.

[Cut to Thanos]

Thanos: Yes. I want my big fancy glove. [Shows his gauntlet] Does it make me look pretty?

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: I don’t want to burst your bubble but I saw that thing on QVC. All right. Next, she a warrior from Wakanda. It’s okay-doky.

[Cut to Okoye]

Okoye: My name is Okoye. It is truly an honor to be here fighting an epic battle that is the feud of families.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Mm, mm, mm. Bald is beautiful. Girl, you make a good dog want to break it’s chain. All right. finally, who we got down there on the end there?

[Cut to Groot]

Groot: Bitch, I’m Groot.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: I feel like you can look at that poster and just know that’s wrong. All right, let’s go to the Game of Thrones side. I got to be honest, I didn’t see the last episode. I mean, I watched it but I couldn’t see it. You know it’s dark when you can’t even see the white people. All right. First up, lady Brienne of Tarth.

[Cut to Brienne]

Brienne: Actually, sir Brienne. I don’t if you saw, but I was recently knighted. Not that I care but it was like the highest honor of my life. I even allowed myself to smile.[Brienne smiles] [Tormund Giantsbane joins Brienne]

Tormund Giantbane: Isn’t she a snack.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Oh, damn. Who are you?

[Cut to Tormund Giantsbane]

Tormund Giantsbane: I’m Tormund Giantsbane. I killed a giant, crawled into bed with his wife and drank her milk. She thought I was a baby. Ha-ha-ha.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Okay, playa. I like the big girls too. All right. Next, we got a thousand year old witch, Melisandre.

[Cut top Melisandre]

Melisandre: Hello, Steve. This show is dark and full of terrors.

[Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: You sound like my agent. Are you really a thousand years old? How come you look so good?

[Cut top Melisandre]

Melisandre: [Looks sideways] Maybe it’s magic. [Melisandre smiles][Bumper sound “maybe it’s Maybelline” plays] [Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: No, it’s definitely magic. Girl, you take that necklace off or you’re gonna turn into old lady. But I know how it is. I take off this shirt and I just pummel out into a poop emoji. And finally, every family got that weird brother. This is Bran.

[Cut to Bran]

Bran Stark: Hello, Steve. I have to go now. [Bran starts to use his warg power] [Cut to Steve]

Steve Harvey: Woo, somebody got that good weed. All right. Let’s get two players up here. Let’s play the feud.

[Cut to everybody getting ready for the game] [Brienne and Thos walks to the stage with Steve]

Brienne: Greetings.

Thor: Tarth, good on ya.

Steve Harvey: All right. Top six answers on the board. After ten years, both your franchises are coming to an end. Name something you might put on your bucket list. [Breinne presses the button] Brienne?

Brienne: I don’t need a lot, I’m a low maintenance girl. Armour, short hair– I don’t know. [Cut to Brienne] Jamie Lannister, one night, three hands, no rules. [Brienne smiles] [Cut to Brienne, Steve and Thor]

Steve Harvey: Okay. Trying to creep with your freakin’ friends.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Okay, not up there. [Cut to Brienne, Steve and Thor] Over to Thor. What’s on your bucket list. Playboy?

[Cut to Thor]

Thor: I must reforge the rainbow bridge, the shining city of Valhalla.

[Cut to Brienne, Steve and Thor]

Steve Harvey: Okay. Show me some kind of white nonsense.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Right answer’ ring plays.]

Okay, all right.

[Steve walks to team Avengers]

Team Avengers, you’re on the board. Let’s go over to Thanos. What’s on your bucket list?

[Cut to Thanos]

Thanos: I’ve already collected all the infinity stones. So I guess all that’s left is get off the HGH.

[Cut to Steve, Thor and Thanos]

Steve Harvey: I knew there was something going on. You got that Berry Bond’s chin. Show me too old to be that jacked.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Oh, it’s not there. [Cut to Steve, Thor and Thanos] All right. Let’s go over Okra. What’s on your bucket list?

Okoye: Steve, [Cut to Okoye] it’s Okoye. I am a Dora Milaje warrior. But just one day I would like to put on a pair of sweatpants, eat a cheesy gordita crunch and watch eight hours of Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Beach Club’.

[Cut to Steve, Thor, Thanos and Okoye]

Steve Harvey: Okay, then. Show me how Okra got her groove back.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Oh, it’s not that either. [Cut to Steve, Thor, Thanos and Okoye] All right. One strike left. Let’s go over here to the giving tree or whoever this is. Give me something on your bucket list.

[Cut to Groot[

Groot: Bitch, I’m Groot.

[Cut to Steve, Thor, Thanos, Okoye and Groot]

Steve Harvey: Just cause you say it don’t make it true. Show me middle aged lady in a Halloween costume.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Wrong answer’ buzzer plays.]

Oh, man, that’s three. [Steve Harvey walks to team Game of Thrones] All right, Game of Thrones. Your chance to steal. What’s on your bucket list? Give me some answers.

[Cut to Steve and team Game of Thrones]

Bran Stark: Move my face.

Melisandre: See my old boobies.

Tormund Giantsbane: Big girl.

Steve Harvey: All right. Brienne, what’s it gonna be, player?

[Cut to Brienne]

Brienne: They’re all noble answers but none are invincible. I do fear that the feud is lost.

[Arya Stark joins]

Arya Stark: Not today. It’s I, Arya Stark.

[Cut to Brienne, Arya and Steve]

Steve Harvey: Right on time again. What’s on your bucket list?

Arya Stark: Well, Steve, [Cut to Brienne and Arya] as the battle approaches and you stand to an endless night, there is but one thing a girl must do.

[Cut to Brienne, Arya and Steve]

Steve Harvey: Oh, say no more. I saw what you did in that episode. Show me, getting that booty.

[Cut to the game screen. ‘Right answer’ ring plays.]

Oh, number one answer, [Cut to Steve] all right. Let’s take a break. Stay tuned for a post credit scene where me and Black Panther sings the songs of Jodeci.

[Everybody joins]

Everybody: And live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.