Trent, Mikey day,
Trent after 10 years… Alex Moffat
Tischy… Sandra Oh
Cam Thornton… Kyle Mooney
Trent after 20 years… Beck Bennett
[Starts with Trent looking at the mirror, working out in his room.]
Trent: Four, five. It’s useless. [Giving up] I’m never going to get jacked. I’m always going to be a scrawny dork. Who makes the team, never gets the girl, never amounts to anything.
[Suddenly, Treant after 10 years appears in the mirror]
Trent after 10 years: I disagree Trent.
Present Trent: Whoa, who are you?
[Cut to Trent after 10 years]
Trent after 10 years: You don’t you recognize me, dude? I’m you, 10 years from now at 25.
[Cut to present Trent]
Present Trent: But you’re—
[Cut to Present Trent and Trent after 10 years]
Trent after 10 years: Jacked? Yeah, because I didn’t give up on myself.
[Cut to present Trent]
Present Trent: So I won’t be a scrawny loser forever?
[Cut to Trent after 10 years]
Trent after 10 years: Definitely not. You’ve got ripped bod, a great job, and even a girlfriend.
[Cut to Present Trent and Trent after 10 years]
Present Trent: Wow, I have a girlfriend?
Trent after 10 years: Oh, yeah, bud.
[Cut to present Trent]
Present Trent: Whoa, I can’t believe it. Who’s my girlfriend?
[Cut to Tischy and Trent after 10 years]
Tischy: I am! What’s good, baby? I’m Tischy.
Trent after 10 years: This is Tischy? Your girlfriend in 10 years.
Tischy: I’m 47!
[Cut to present Trent]
Present Trent: I’m sorry. In 10 years she will be my girlfriend?
[Cut to Tischy and Trent after 10 years]
Tischy: Oh yeah, I give my man that good goo goo. He get that bun bun on the reg. Tischy make it all squishy.
[Cut to everybody]
Present Trent: I’m sorry, just to be absolutely clear, this 47 year old woman with the broken arm and a can of Four Loko will be my girlfriend in 10 years?
[Cut to Tischy and Trent after 10 years]
Trent after 10 years: Yes. So cheer up, the future is looking pretty bright.
Tischy: Oh, Tischy got to grab another Four Loko.
Trent after 10 years: Pace yourself babe, it’s only 10 in the morning. So just believe in yourself, Trent.
[Cut to Present Trent and Trent after 10 years]
Present Trent: Why?
Trent after 10 years: Because you’re awesome.
Present Trent: No, why is Tischy my girlfriend? I don’t understand it.
[Cut to Trent after 10 years]
Trent after 10 years: Man! You still don’t think you’re cool enough to get a girl like Tischy? Well, maybe you should talk to somebody who you think is cool. [Trent after 10 years disappears from the mirror]
Present Trent: Wait, no, no! Don’t go, I have more questions! [Cut to Present Trent] Oh my god, what’s wrong with future me?
[Cam Thornton appears in the mirror]
Cam Thornton: Hey, it’s me, Cam Thornton, the coolest kid in your highschool 10 years from now. Back then I wouldn’t even talk to you but now you’re my boss.
Present Trent: Cool. Do you know my girlfriend?
Cam Thornton: Tischy? [Cut to Cam Thornton] Yeah, I’m glad you brought that up. Do you know why you’re so into her? Cause no one at work can figure it out.
[Cut to Present Trent]
Present Trent: No, I thought like maybe in the future that sort of girl is like super desirable or something?
[Cut to Cam Thornton]
Cam Thornton: Tischy? No man, she’s crazy. You must really love her. I mean, you stayed with her after she burned down your house all those times.
[Cut to Present Trent]
Present Trent: What do you mean all those times?
[Cut to Cam Thornton]
Cam Thornton: You’ll find out. Anyway, see you in 10 years. [Cam Thornton disappears from the mirror]
Present Trent: What? No, no, no! Oh my god, am I stupid into the future? Why are you so into Tischy?
[Tischy appears in the mirror]
Tischy: Because Tischy got that good goo goo.
Present Trent: What is goo goo?
Tischy: Not what you think!
[Cut to Present Trent]
Present Trent: Tischy, like when did we meet?
[Cut to Tischy]
Tischy: The night you got beat up.
[Cut to Present Trent]
Present Trent: who beat me up?
[Cut to Tischy]
Tischy: I did. Now look at these moves. [Tischy starts dancing] Tischy dance like this. Wow! Tischy dance like that. Pow! Tischy dance like this. Wow! Tischy dance like that. Pow! [Tischy disappears from the mirror]
Present Trent: I don’t know if I should listen to my future self if he’s so into Tischy. Maybe I should just stay a weak dork forever.
[Trent after 20 years appears in the mirror]
Trent after 20 years: Who you calling dork? Hi there, name’s Trent. You, 20 years from now.
Present Trent: Whoa, I’m still in pretty good shape.
[Cut to Trent after 20 years]
Trent after 20 years: Oh yea, cause you got the right attitude. And since you believed in yourself, 35 is looking pretty nice.
[Cut to Present Trent]
Present Trent: Is Tischy still my girlfriend?
[Cut to Trent after 20 years and Present Trent]
Trent after 20 years: [Laughs] No way.
Present Trent: Oh, thank god.
[Cut to Trent after 20 years]
Trent after 20 years: She’s your wife. [Showing the ring]
Present Trent: What?
[Tischy joins Trent after 20 years]
Tischy: What’s good! You put a ring on it!
[Cut to everybody]
Present Trent: No!
Trent after 20 years: Yes. You married the only girl I ever kissed.
Present Trent: What? Only Tischy!
[Cut to Tischy and Trent after 20 years]
Tischy: Oh yeah baby, I got that yummy pow pow.
[Cut to everybody]
Present Trent: Wait, your arm is still broken? Why do I like you?
Tischy: Cause I got that good goo goo! We do that knock knock. And I own Samsung.
Present Trent: Wait, you own Samsung?
Tischy: Yeah, I’m a billionaire, baby!
Present Trent: Oh, okay. Now I get it.
[Trent after 10 years joins]
Trent after 10 years: You think I’d do you like that? Come on, man!