Towel Guys

Kenan Thompson

Marcello Hernandez

[Starts with two towel guys talking to each other]

Kenan: And they looking man, they looking, they looking, and then somehow they find Nemo?

Marcello: No. That’s crazy, man. It’s a big ocean and like a small little fish.

Kenan: Oh man. They got lucky, man. What can I say? They got lucky?

Heidi: Hey, can I get a towel?

Kenan: Yeah, one more. Hey, you American?

Heidi: I am, yeah.

Marcello: Ellen Dememenemes?

Heidi: What?

Marcello: You know, the TV lady. Ellen Demenemes. She always come out dancing. You know what I mean? Like…

[Marcello and Kenan start dancing]

Heidi: Okay.

Kenan: You don’t know Ellen Demenemes? She married to the car. The Porsche. This chick is funny, man.

Heidi: Yeah, Ellen DeGeneres. Can I please have my towel?

Marcello: Of course. No problem.

Heidi: Okay, that took way too long.

Kenan: [mocking] Oh, I’m sorry. Way too long. You know? Last night I saw this movie ‘Mission Impossible’. But the mission not impossible because he gonna do it.

Marcello: They should call it ‘Mission He Probably Gonna Do It’.

Kenan: Right?

Michael: What’s up, fellas? Can I get a towel por favor?

Kenan: Oh, my friend is on dualingo.

Michael: Ah! You know, to show you a little taste.

Kenan: Yeah. You American?

Michael: Yeah, I’m from New Jersey.

Marcello: Oh, Tony Soprano.

Kenan: Tony Soprano.

Marcello: Give me a cannoli.

Kenan: Give me a cannoli.

Marcello: Give me a cannoli, or I’m gonna drown you.

Kenan: One thing about Tony, man. You don’t give him his Cannoli, he gonna drown you. That’s easy for him coz he’s strong.

Marcello: Hey man, here’s your towel.

Michael: Thanks. Gracias. Todo del banyo.

Marcello: Dualingo.

Kenan: You’re welcome for the bathroom, man. Did you guys see?

Mike: Ah, what’s so funny?  Did you guys see Ellen Demenemes?

[They start dancing]

Kenan: No, no. She’s not here.

Mike: Well, I just want to take in with my two favorite towel guys.

Marcello: Hey, question for you. Is it true that you trying to replace us with a machine?

Mike: No, no, no, I would never do that. No.

Kenan: Could you please?

Marcello: Yeah, man, because then we can do different job in the hotel. You know, I want to fold the toilet paper into a little triangle. So for the first wipe is crazy.

Kenan: Yeah. And I want to be the concierge. You know? I get a map. And then I circled things on the map. And then I say you can go down.

Mike: Well, as William Shakespeare once said, the very substance of the ambition is merely a shadow of a dream.

Sarah: Excuse me. I’ve been waiting 15 minutes for my umbrella.

Mike: Sorry, I no speak English. [Sarah leaves getting frustrated] Guys want to know a secret? I do speak English.

Marcello: Oh man, you’re crazy.

Kenan: Oh my god. Mamacitas, two o’clock.

Chloe: Hey, can we get a couple of towels?

Marcello: Oh yes, of course. This one for the old little mermaid and one for the new little mermaid.

Kenan: A whole new girl.

Chloe: Yeah, very funny, guys.

Ego: And that song is from Aladdin. Yeah.

Kenan: Aladdin?

Marcello: Like, climb on a-ladder?

Kenan: Climb on a-ladder.

James: Hey, I’m having the time of my life down here in Punta Cana.

Marcello: Oh, that’s nice.

James: Yeah, I love the way you’ll be playing with the plantain. I didn’t think I was gonna like it, but now I’m like banana for dinner? Okay.

Kenan: Hey, man, you know who you sound like? You sound like the Forrest Gump.

Marcello: Oh yeah. That guy who can’t find Yanni, you know? His brain don’t reach his leg, so he can run forever.

Kenan: So he can run forever.

James: Hey, I just want to thank you fellows for all your help today. Do you mind if I give you a little something for your trouble?

Kenan: Oh, yes. It’s okay, we accept tips, papi.

James: I’ll do you one better than a tip. How about a prayer? Here we go. Lord, please protect these wonderful Dominican gentlemen from the harsh rays of the sun Lord.

Marcello: That’s nice.

Kenan: I wanted the money.

James: Please, Lord, this morning, please put a cool fresh breeze in their hearts, Lord.

Marcello: That’s good.

Kenan: The money will be better.

James: And Lord, protect them from all evil in Jesus name. Amen.

Kenan: Alright. Thank you very much.

Marcello: You know Jesus is good.

Kenan: Yes, Jesus is good. Money is better. You know what I’m saying? Hey, you know who has a lot of money?

Both: Ellen Demenemes.

[they start dancing]