American Girl Doll Movie Trailer

Molly… Molly Sherman

Kirsten… Heidi Gardner

Samantha… Chloe Fineman

Hosofina… Ana de Armas

Addy… Ego Nwodim

Kit… Molly Kearney

Male voice: People can’t stop talking about the trailer for the new Barbie movie. But not all dolls live in a dream house. Some are bigger, younger, sadder. Some dolls are American girl.

Molly: Hi Kirsten.

Kirsten: Hi Molly.

Kit: Hi Samantha.

Samantha: Hi Hosofina.

Hosofina: Hi Kit.

Addy: And I’m Addy. No one said hi to me.

Male voice: This summer, a new live action story about your favorite historically accurate dolls. Each with their own harrowing backstory.

Samantha: I’m a bitchy orphan from Victorian times. I watched my parents die in a boat.

Kirsten: That’s okay. My best friend Marta died of cholera.

Kit: That’s okay. My dad is a prisoner of war. And tragically, I have glasses.

Hosofina: That’s okay. My mama is dead. We bury her in the church graveyard.

Addy: That’s okay. I don’t know my birthday because I’m a runaway slave.

[silence]

Hosofina: Let’s play.

All: Yay!

Male voice: Do they have pink Corvettes? No! Boyfriends? No way. Did all their family members die of vague old timey diseases? Absolutely.

Kit: Fashion Show!

Male voice: Come for the fun. Stay for the overburdened preteens wearing four layers of Petticoats and pantaloons.

Samantha: What’s wrong, Hosofina? You’ve barely touched your tea.

Hosofina: The memory of my Mama is slipping away.

Molly: Look what I can do. [coughs blood on tissue] [cut to Molly being covered by white sheet because she’s dead]

Kirsten: That’s okay.

All: Yeah. That’s okay.

Kirsten: Audiences are raving. “We loved it,” says girls who played soccer magazine. The New York Times write “These little girls are going through too much.”

Kirsten: What do you say girls? Should we have a sleepover tonight?

All: Yay.

Kirsten: What about you Addy?

Addy: I’m good. I don’t trust none of y’all.

Male voice: Watch as the American girls travel on a journey from American girl land to the modern world.

Kit: I’m going to stop World War II.

Hosofina: And I’m going to stop the Spanish American War.

Kirsten: And I’m going to end cholera.

[Now Kirsten coughs blood on tissue] [cut to they throw away a dead body out of a carriage]

All: That’s okay.

HBO Mario Kart Trailer

Mario… Pedro Pascal

Princess… Chloe Fineman

Male voice: HBO’s The Last of Us is a hit, proving a video game can become a prestige dystopian drama. HBO is doing it again with another iconic game.

Female voice: It’s been 10 years since our kingdom fell. The only thing we have left, hope.

Heidi: I have important cargo I need smuggled to Rambo road. People say you used to drive?

Mario: People say a lot of things.

Heidi: You got a name?

Mario: It’s a me Mario. So what’s the cargo?

Heidi: Not what? Who? She’s a princess. Really, she was? Until he took over.

Mario: We’ll never make it on foot.

Heidi: You won’t have to.

[Heidi shows him a Mario Kart]

Mario: Let’s a-go.

Male voice: From the producers of “The Last of Us” and the master storytellers behind Mario Kart 1 through 8.

Princess: What’s it like out here?

Mario: Carting out out here isn’t a game. We’re gonna make it? We need all the help we can get.

Luigi: It’s a Luigi time.

Mario: Everything on this road wants us dead.

Princess: What is the thing?

Luigi: Goomba, cinci and fungus with shoes for legs.

Male voice: All your favorite wacky racers reimagined as complex dramatic HBO characters.

Yoshi: I’m Yoshi. I’m bisexual.

Toad: My name’s Toad. Also, I’m bisexual.

Male voice: “HBO pick the wrong game to do this with”, reads Variety. “Yeah, this ain’t it,” adds the New York Times.

Princess: [seeing Mario eat the mushroom] You eat that poison?

Mario: It makes me feel big, okay? I need to feel big. Because Bowser is out there. And he’s the main bad guy.

Mario narrating: When we’re out there in our carts…

Luigi: Woohoo, I love this.

Mario narrating: … I need you to trust me.

Mario: Hold on. Ah!

Mario narrating: I’ll get you to Rainbow Road.

Toad: There’s a shell on my seat.

Mario: You can do it.

Toad: No. It’s red.

[Toad’s cart gets destroyed]

Princess: What if we crash?

Mario: Little guy in a cloud comes and uses a fishing pole to put you back on the road.

Princess: Oh, okay.

Horror Movie Trailer

[Starts with Mikey and Chloe watching movie at night]

Mikey: I’m gonna get some more popcorn. You want some?

Chloe: Sure.

Male voice: Sometimes a familiar face can be the most terrifying.

Speaker on TV: In political news, President Biden has said he intends to run for reelection in 2024.

Chloe: No.

Male voice: You trusted him once.

Mikey: I know he’s a little old, but he could still win. Right? He beat Trump

Chloe: But can he beat DeSantis?

Mikey: I don’t know. [screaming] I don’t know.

Male voice: Can you trust him again?

Punkie: [researching on the internet] He’s 79 now. Election is in two years. So that means— [Punkie does the calculation and gets scared with the result]

Male voice: When it feels like nothing’s going right.

Bowen: Gas prices are still kind of high.

Male voice: Even though it kind of is.

Chloe: Why are we so worried? He’s done so much. Student debt relief. Holding NATO together. Infrastructure bill.

Mikey: But he fell off his bike once.

[The TV turns on by itself. There plays a vide of Joe Biden falling off his bike.] [everyone is screaming]

Heidi: Wait. According to this article, he’s not actually going to run in 2024. He’s just saying he is to present a united front before the midterms.

Punkie: What a relief.

Bowen: Yeah. I mean, I love the guy but he did his part.

Chloe: If Biden’s not gonna run, who will?

Male voice: Just when you thought the terror was over.

Bowen: [panicking] I don’t know. I don’t know. Kamala?

Chloe: [slaps Bowen] Wake up.

Male voice: You realize it’s just beginning.

Bowen: There’s gotta be someone.

Heidi: Cory Booker.

Chloe: He’s corny.

Heidi: Mayor Pete?

Chloe: [holding Heidi tight] Listen to yourself.

Male voice: The producers of Smile and the twisted minds of Morning Joe.

[door knocking] [Everyone looks at the door but no one goes to open it. Someone slides in ‘Beto 2024’ brochure.]

Punkie: Guys.

[Theres ‘Bernie’ written on the wall with blood]

Chloe: Not again.

Mikey: [looking at the wall] [in scary voice] I have the perfect candidate.

Chloe: Babe?

Mikey: A superstar who can go all the way. [He turns around. He’s got blood in his mouth.] Hillary.

[everyone is screaming]

Male voice: Sometimes, your best option.

Mikey: I’m with her. I’m with her. I’m with her.

Male voice: Is the one you fear the most.

Chloe: There has to be someone.

Bowen: Biden maybe? Are we back to Biden?

Punkie: Yeah, I like Biden.

Chloe: Yeah, Biden. So, Biden?

Mikey: Biden’s great. Right? He’s Biden.

Male voice: 2020 Part 2, 2024, coming in 2023.

Digital Exclusive- Rom-Com Trailer

Nick… Alex Moffat

[Starts with a short clip of New York city streets.]

Male voice: Meet Nick.

[Cut to Nick drinking coffee at home.]

Nick: And I’m late. Great!

Male voice: He hasn’t had the time to find the one until–

[Cut to Nick watching news.]

News reporter: New Yorkers are ordered to shelter in place until further notice.

Donald Trump: You know what? Staying at home leads to death also.

Nick: Great!

[Cut to Nick cleaning his apartment.]

Male voice: Fate intervened.

Nick: [on the phone] Well, my apartment’s clean again.

Bowen: Man, being single during quarantine sucks!

Nick: Tell me about it.

Bowen: I guess dating isn’t considered ‘essential.’ Alright, gotta run.

[Nick drops his cup and spills his drink]

Nick: Oh, dammit!

Male voice: Just when you think you’ll never find love, love finds you.

[someone whistles. Nick looks back. A guy is standing at the door. He’s just another version of him.]

Nick: Oh, hello. I’m Nick.

Guy: I know. I’ve seen you around.

Nick: And um– you like what you see?

Guy: Daddy likey. Daddy likey a mucho.

Male voice: Sometimes, all it takes is a global pandemic for a guy to finally fall in love.

[Cut to Nick and the guy in bed.]

Guy: Round two?

[Cut to Nick talking to Bowen on a videocall]

Nick: I’ve met someone. I don’t know, they’re pretty perfect. We have the same likes, dislikes, favorite foods.

Bowen: Wow!

Nick: I mean, same body, brain, soul, everything.

Bowen: Wait, what?

Nick: Gotta go.[hangs up]

Bowen: Oh, no.

Male voice: But sometimes, finding the one can get a little messy.

[Cut to Nick and the guy at the apartment. The guy is grabbing a beer.]

Nick: Oh, you’re having another one?

Guy: Yeah. Is there a problem?

Nick: No. It’s just noon.

Guy: Here we go.

[They start having an argument]

Male voice: Critics are calling it, “The best coronavirus rom-com of all time,” “The world’s first rom-cov,” “So relatable, it’s depressing.”

Guy: Oh, give me a break..

Nick: Don’t you– [Points at the guy, hurts his hand.] Ah! I think I have a carpal tunnel.

Guy: What?

Nick: I have to quarantine myself from you.

Guy: What? No.

[Nick walks into his room sobbing. He shuts the door and cries behind it.]

Guy: [knocking the door] Nick, let me in.

Nick: No, Nick. I don’t want to give this to you.

Guy: That’s not how carpal tunnel works. I–

Nick: You what?

Guy: I love you. Me. I love me.

Nick: [smiling] Say it again?

Guy: I love me.

Nick: I love me too.

[Nick opens the door.]

Guy: Daddy lovey amucho.

Male voice: Coming this Valentine’s Day. Wait, what month is it? May? Anyway, coming whenever, “Be My Quaran-tine?” Nice.

[Cut to Nick on his couch]

Nick: Okay, what do you want to watch?

Guy: You know. One, two, three.

Both: House Hunters International.

God is a Boob Man Trailer

Beth… Vanessa Bayer

Taran Killam

Jon Rudnitsky

Sasheer Zamata

Schmul… Kyle Mooney

Judge… Kenan Thompson

Cecily Strong

Governor… Bobby Moynihan

[Starting of a movie trailer]

Male voice: Beth was a small town baker without a care.

[Taran walks in Beth’s bakery[

Taran: Hi there. I’d like to order a wedding cake.

Beth: Of course. Where is the lucky bride?

[Taran looks around]

Taran: He is right here.

[Jon walks to Taran and holds him]

Male voice: Until her fate was tested.

Taran: Now, make the cake.

Male voice: They wanted her to spit in the face of god.

[Beth is making the cake while Taran and Jon are watching]

Taran: I said make the cake.

Beth: I can’t do it.

Male voice: From the makers of God on the Run and Angel in Denim: The Kim Davis Story.

[Cut to Beth and Sasheer behind their bakery.]

Sasheer: What are you thinking? Gays are the most powerful force in America.

Male voice: A story of liberal elites run wild.

Taran: You’ll be hearing from our Jewish lawyer.

[Cut to Beth called in for the case]

Schmul : My name is Schmul from the SOU. You are in lot of trouble, Beth.

Beth: What do you people want from me?

Schmul : My clients just need you to say three simple words.

Taran: [counting the words in his fingers] God is gay.

Beth: But he is not gay. God is as straight as they come.

Schmul : Then I guess we’ll be seeing you in court.

[Cut to Beth walking to the court. The song ‘Fight Song’ by Rachel Platten is playing.]

Beth: Gays are trying to force their agenda. They’re even teaching it in school.

Male voice: Only she has the courage to say.

Beth: [To Sasheer] They say we’re bigot but Christians are the most oppressed group in this country.

Sasheer: Maybe!

Beth: But I’m gonna prove once and for all that god is straight.

[talking in court] If god is gay then why aren’t there any gay priests?

Judge: Miss Walsh, you are on thin ice. You know god is gay. Just admit it!

Beth: No.

Male voice: She needed an aliy.

[Cut to governor’s meeting]

Cecily: Governor, we are the poorest state in the country, second in obesity, third in teen pregnancy. We have to do something.

[Beth walks in the meeting]

Governor: Well, hold that thought. [To Beth] What’s wrong ma’am?

Beth: I wanna deny basic goods and services to gay people.

Governor: [looks around] Everybody out. This is the priority now.

[Cut to the court]

Judge: Last chance miss Walsh. Let’s hear it.

[Beth stands]

Beth: God… is… [Taran and Jon are watching her] a boob man!

[everybody in the court cheer for her]

Male voice: God is a Boob Man. Rated R for graphic gay sexual content.