Tag: Treece Hinderson

Holiday Gig

Treece Hinderson… Kenan Thompson

Rad Dates… Kyle Mooney

Isaac Luneberi… Martin Freeman

Roman… Taran Killam

[Starts with a band performing in a restaurant]

Treece Hinderson: So great to have been performing at the Pine River Lodge annual tree lighting tonight. Once again, I am Treece Hinderson. I need to apologize to all of the ladies, my red jumpsuit is in the cleaners. It had worn very thin in the couple of spots. You know how that goes.

[Cut to everybody]

How is everybody’s Christmas? Looking good? Well, great! Here we go.

[drum rolling and music playing]

[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree

Oh! Ladies and gentlemen. I could not do any of this without these guys. The amazing house band here at the Pine River Lodge. You know them. Making all those wonderful sounds on his magic box, Mr. Rad Dates.

[Cut to Rad Dates]

Rad Dates: Treece, love you man!

[Cut to the band]

Treece Hinderson: Ha-ha, love you too bud. And Mr. Isaac Luneberi on Sax.

[Cut to Isaac Luneberi playing saxophone]

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Treece Hinderson: Ah! Isaac is such a good friend for letting me stay with him for this annual event. Thank you so much, Isaac.

Isaac Luneberi: You are welcome.

Treece Hinderson: Let me tell you something. This guy has been through a really rough patch.

[Cut to Isaac Luneberi]

Isaac Luneberi: Oh, I didn’t want to talk about that tonight.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Treece Hinderson: I think you need to.

Isaac Luneberi: No, these people don’t wanna hear about my troubles.

Treece Hinderson: But it might feel good to talk about it.

Isaac Luneberi: Can we just play the song?

Treece Hinderson: Are you sure?

[Cut to Isaac Luneberi]

Isaac Luneberi: Yeah, I’ve been instructed not to talk about it, okay?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Treece Hinderson: Are you in trouble?

Isaac Luneberi: Yes.

Treece Hinderson: Because of what you did to Roman?

Isaac Luneberi: I’m not supposed to talk about it, okay?

Treece Hinderson: So, nothing was resolved.

Isaac Luneberi: No.

Treece Hinderson: Fine.

[drums rolling and music playing]

[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree

Whoo! It is really happening. Look at this lovely couple down front here.

[Cut to the couple]

How are you guys feeling?

Man: Curious.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

Treece Hinderson: What? What about?

[Cut to the couple]

Woman: Well, about what’s going on with your Sax player.

Man: And like, who is Roman and what did he do to him and all of it.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Treece Hinderson: You see, Isaac? Is there anything you could do to clear it up a bit?

Isaac Luneberi: I’m just here for the gig, my man.

Treece Hinderson: Fine! Look, we’re just trying to help you. I mean what happened with Roman?

[drums rolling and music playing]

[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree

[phone ringing]

[Cut to the couple]

Is that a phone that I hear ringing? We explicitly told you that your ringers should be off.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi. Isaac Luneberi takes his phone out.]

Isaac Luneberi: No, it’s my phone. Oh, I have to get that. My ADT security system’s calling me.

Treece Hinderson: Oh, is there a problem at your condo?

[Cut to the couple]

Woman: Oh, did Roman break in?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

Treece Hinderson: Oh! That’s interesting. I didn’t think of that. [asking Isaac Luneberi] Is that why they’re calling?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi. Isaac Luneberi is still on the phone.]

Isaac Luneberi: [talking to Treece Hinderson] Just a second. I’m talking to the police. [talking on the phone] My code is 5866.

Treece Hinderson: Where’s the damage?

Isaac Luneberi: [talking on the phone] I’m listening.

Treece Hinderson: Is it in the living area?

Isaac Luneberi: Be quiet. [talking on the phone] The guest bedroom?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

Treece Hinderson: Oh! No! But that’s where I am staying.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Isaac Luneberi: [talking on the phone] Bran Sact? Are you kidding me?

Treece Hinderson: Bran Sact? Does that means that they took my red boots?

Isaac Luneberi: I’m– I’m– I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that.

Treece Hinderson: Ask them if they see some red boots.

Isaac Luneberi: [talking to Treece Hinderson] Can you just wait a second?

Treece Hinderson: Oh, that sucks. Those are my red boots. Ask them about the boots.

Isaac Luneberi: [talking to Treece Hinderson] Will you shut up?

Treece Hinderson: There were two boots. A left boot and a right boot. And both boots are red.

Isaac Luneberi: [talking on the phone] Okay. Are there any boots lying around? Yeah. [talking to Treece Hinderson] They don’t see any red boots.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

Treece Hinderson: Oh! Those are my mama’s boots. And they also feet me.

[drums rolling and music playing]

[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed
twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree

Hit the switch!

[The Christmas tree lights are on]

Oh! Gorgeous!

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Isaac Luneberi: Oh, my god!

Treece Hinderson: What? What is it?

Isaac Luneberi: It’s Roman. He’s standing next to the tree.

[Cut to Roman]

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Treece Hinderson: Ah! And he’s got my boots!

[Cut to Roman. He shows the red boots. It’s a ladies boots.]

Do you think that he’s come to kill us?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Isaac Luneberi]

Isaac Luneberi: That’s a hard maybe.

Treece Hinderson: Oh, well I hope he’s got some patience. Because we have to unplug that tree and do another shout.

[drums rolling and music playing]

[singing] Twiddle-do-tweed

[Roman is dancing like he’s marching and he’s showing the boots.]

twiddle-do-twad
twiddle tree top on top of the Christmas tree

[cheers and applause]

Cut for Time Holiday Gig

Treece Hinderson… Kenan Thompson

Spincer Newcheris… Eddie Murphy

Brad Dates… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with three guys on stage performing music]

Treece Hinderson: Shoo boo boo doo boo, ooh.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello Mohawk valley. So great to be invited back up state to the Pine River Lodge for the holiday jam. I’m Treece Hinderson, and we are the Treece Hinderson Trio.

[cheers and applause]

[Cut to Spincer Newcheris nodding his head.]

Spincer Newcheris: We putting the funk back in Mohawk

[Cut to Brad Dates]

Brad Dates: That’s right, baby!

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

Treece Hinderson: That’s right. We have a very exciting line of music playing for you. And tonight marks the first night of Hanukkah.

[Cut to all the members]

Spincer Newcheris: The festival of lights.

Brad Dates: Love lights baby.

Treece Hinderson: Yes, we all do. [Cut to Treece Hinderson] Now, before we get started, could I get a pump of gorgons, just one small squirt of gorgon’s lotion. The air is very dry and my hands are trapped. Is there a gorgon’s? Anyone? Surely someone in the audience has some kind of emoluments. Anyone? It could be Burt’s Bees or Vaseline’s. No? Any Nivea? So no lotions? I’ve asked Treece Hinderson0 times and I’m treated to silence. Thank you very much. Let’s hit it.

[Cut to the band.]

[band starts playing music]

[Treece Hinderson is singing a song]

Treece Hinderson: Ladies and gentlemen, I would not be standing here without the incredible talent that you see behind me. Mr. Brad Dates on jazz clearing at. Brad, you’re Jewish, right?

[cut to Brad Dates]

Brad Dates: I’m a secular humanist treece. [starts playing his trumpet.]

[Cut to all three]

Treece Hinderson: Oh, got it. And, sitting in with us tonight, dear friend and great roommate, Mr. Spincer Newcheris. Are you Jewish?

[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]

Spincer Newcheris: Nah, man! My gem is uncut.  [starts playing his instrument.] Oh, yeah! Ow!

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Treece Hinderson: Hang on, are you okay? Are you in pain?

Spincer Newcheris: What? No, I was just feeling the music Treece.

Treece Hinderson: Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you were feeling pain from that physical problem you’ve been having.

[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]

Spincer Newcheris: Oh, I don’t know if we’re going to talk about that right now. You know, the fans don’t want to hear about that, Treece.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Treece Hinderson: But, is it still going on? Have you seen a doctor?

Spincer Newcheris: I will when get some time, bro.

Treece Hinderson: What? I think the time is now. That should not be happening on a daily basis.

[Cut to Brad Dates]

Brad Dates: Boundaries, Treece. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

[Cut to all three]

Treece Hinderson: But this is his health.

Spincer Newcheris: Dammit, Treece. I’m a grown ass man.

Treece Hinderson: Well, blood shouldn’t be coming out of there ever!

[drums roll and band plays music]

[Treece Hinderson is singing]

Treece Hinderson: How is everybody tonight?

[Cut to the audience]

Heidi: Worried!

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

Treece Hinderson: You’re a little bit worried. But don’t worry. We will light the menorah at midnight.

[Cut to the audience]

Mikey: Actually you light it at sundown but no, not that. We’re worried about Mr. Newcheris’ health issue.

Heidi: We’re imagining the worst.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Spincer Newcheris: Now see that, Treece? You started these damn rumors now.

Treece Hinderson: It is not a rumor. You were screaming in agony this morning in the bathroom.

[Cut to the audience]

Mikey: I mean, is it a kidney stone maybe?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Treece Hinderson: We don’t know what it is because he won’t go to the doctor.

[Cut to Brad Dates]

Brad Dates: Treece, keep your eyes on your own paper, baby.

[Cut to all three]

Treece Hinderson: I could.

Spincer Newcheris: Ay! Treece! Drop it. [Cut to Spincer Newcheris] Unless you want me to tell them people about the bobby pins you wear up in your head.

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Treece Hinderson: Well, that’s just so I can achieve the proper curl. Hit it!

[Drums roll]

[Band playing music]

[Treece Hinderson is singing]

Treece Hinderson: [singing]

Hanukkah this, Hanukkah that
it’s getting cold out, put on your Hanukkah hat

[Cut to Treece Hinderson]

We hope everyone is enjoying the show. I’m not. Because of a friend’s stubbornness.]

[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]

Spincer Newcheris: Treece, I swear. [phone ringing] Hold on a second, I got a call. [speaking on the phone] Hello. This is Mr. Newcheris. Dr. Bevins? No, I’m fine. Why do you ask? Treece called you? He sent you a sample of what? A sample from who? From me? Well, how did you get that?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Treece Hinderson: Oh, oh!

Spincer Newcheris: You told him to drain my what from my where? In the night?

Treece Hinderson: Well, it was not fun for me. I’m surprised that you didn’t wake up. I had to gather it. There was a huge amount.

[Cut to Spincer Newcheris]

Spincer Newcheris: Oh, god! Man, I ain’t never coming to see you again. You sent my room mate into my bedroom while I’m asleep to take some of my personal water?

[Cut to Treece Hinderson and Spincer Newcheris]

Treece Hinderson: Ow!

[drums rolls]

[music playing]

[Treece Hinderson is singing]

Treece Hinderson: Now, what is your plan? What happens next.

Spincer Newcheris: Hold on a second. I’mma tell you in private, okay? Everything is fine. I don’t have it no more, baby. Why you putting that mic up on my face?

Treece Hinderson: Oh! Because I wanted to share your good news. So, what happened?

Spincer Newcheris: I passed it in my sleep.

Treece Hinderson: On my pull out bed?

Spincer Newcheris: Yeah! Stop worrying about it, okay?

Treece Hinderson: But my new coyuchi sheets!

Spincer Newcheris: What about your coyuchi sheets?

Treece Hinderson: Well, did you put them into soak?

Spincer Newcheris: No, I just put the bed back together.

Treece Hinderson: Oh! My baby blue coyuchi sheets!

Spincer Newcheris: Hell with coyuchi sheets.

[Cut to Brad Dates]

Brad Dates: Treece, you should be happy, he’s feeling better.

[Cut to all three]

Treece Hinderson: I’ll be happy when I get some new coyuchi sheets.

[drums roll]

[music playing]

[Treece Hinderson is singing]

Treece Hinderson: Thank you!