My Darlin’ Joan

Sasheer Zamata

Bobby Moynihan

Russle Shey… Taran Killam

Tyler Coldwin… Blake Shelton

[Starts with Topeka Today video bumper]

[Cut to Sasheer and Bobby in their set.]

Sasheer: Welcome back. It’s not everyday day a 97 year old becomes a world famous song writer.

Bobby: But that’s exactly what happened to our next guest. When his wife of 70 years passed away last spring, [Cut to old black and white picture of a couple in a car] Russle Shey decided to pay tribute to her in song. [Cut to Sasheer and Bobby] He teamed up with a local musician and now he’s got America listening with over 2 million YouTube hits.

Sasheer: We’ve got Russle in the studio with us now. [Cut to Russle] And, aren’t you a sweetheart?

Russle: [laughing] Thank you.

[Cut to everybody]

Sasheer: Now, Russle. How did you and your wife Joan meet?

[Cut to Russle]

Russle: Well, when I came home from the war, I’d go to the library everyday. One day I walked in and there was the most beautiful library I ever saw. And that was my Joan.

[Cut to Sasheer and Bobby]

Bobby: Aw, that’s beautiful. Also, here is Tyler Coldwin [Cut to Tyler] who has helped set Russle’s song to music. [Cut to Sasheer and Bobby] The song is ‘My Darling Joan.’ Please take it away.

[Cut to everybody. Tyler is playing guitar.]

[Joan and Russle’s young pictures appears at the backdrop of the stage.]

Tyler: [singing] My darling Joan
I won’t forget your sweet and tender smile
My darling Joan
you never fail to light up a room
My darling Joan
I’ll always treasure the day we met
I’ll treasure, I’ll treasure
I’ll treasure, oh, that memorable day

[Cut to Sasheer and Bobby]

Sasheer: Beautiful.

[Cut to Tyler playing guitar.]

Tyler: There’s more.

[Cut to everybody]

[singing] My darling Joan
you were not perfect but sure were mine
My darling Joan
you could silence a room with your nasty remarks

[Sasheer and Bobby look confused]

My darling Joan
your hatred of animals rattles my core
My darling Joan
you even yelled at me in your sleep
your body, your body
your body, it was just okay

[Cut to Sasheer and Bobby]

Bobby: I’d just like everyone to know that this is our first time hearing this song.

[Cut to everybody]

Tyler: [singing] My darling Joan
I’d hide in the closet and read my bible for strength
My darling Joan
our dinners were silent and we never had sex
My darling Joan
the only thing you loved were your expensive hats
My darling Joan
your favorite hobby was making me cry
you monster, you monster
I wish I killed you but you choked on some corn

[Cut to Sasheer and Bobby]

Sasheer: So, why did you agree to help him with this?

[Cut to Russle and Tyler]

Tyler: Look, Russle’s a good guy. Plus, he’s my landlord. So, I kind of had to.

[Cut to everybody]

[The pictures of Joan at the backdrop are all made funny with pen. Russle has made horns and mustache on her.]

[singing] My darling Joan
do they let you use your humidifier in hell?
My darling Joan
does the devil let you curse him in front of his friends?

[Russle starts singing with Tyler]

Russle and Tyler: I hate you, I hate you
I hate you, now I’ll dance on your grave.
You’re in the ground
I’m alive and bugs are eating your head

Bobby: Okay! Okay! Alright! Thank you Tyler and Russle.

Russle: No, there’s three more verses.

Bobby: Nope. Going to commercial. We’ll be right back.

[Cut to Topeka Today video bumper]

[cheers and applause]