Video Game Session

Stephen… Andrew Dismukes

Trace…Michael B. Jordan

Danny… Bowen Yang

Frank… Mikey Day

Marcello Hernandez

Stephen: Okay, guys, thank you for being here to lay down some voiceover for the much anticipated Street Fighter 6 game.

Trace: Excited to be here. Thanks.

Danny: Thrilled to be on board. Whoo!

Stephen: And thanks for coming in last minute, Danny. Our last actor Frank quit due to creative differences. And because I slept with his wife.

Marcello: Argh, actors.

Stephen: I know. So Trace, you’ll be playing Ken, a former US national fighting champ.

Trace: I’m totally in my element. I served for years.

Stephen: And Danny you are a martial artist seeking true strength, Ryu.

Danny: Whoo, love.

Stephen: All right, well, for this first take, let’s just get both of you recording efforts. Taking blows, landing hits, that kind of thing.

Marcello: I’m rolling.

Stephen: And action.

Trace: Uh, ugh, ah, hah, hai-yah, urghh.

Stephen: Yes, that’s great. Danny, let’s get the same from you.

Danny: Okay. Whoo! Wohoo! Ah-woo! Yay! Whoo!

Stephen: Let’s cut. Let’s cut.

Danny: That was really fun. Thanks for letting me play.

Stephen: Yeah, so I guess we were looking for more grunts, you know? You’re fighting, you’re in pain.

Danny: Oh, I see. [looking at Trace] So maybe do it like you’re fighting or you’re in pain.

Trace: Okay, got it. Got it. Got it.

Stephen: No, no, Trace. You don’t need to change what you were doing. But Danny, maybe it’s more aggressive, animalistic, that kind of thing.

Danny: Hmm, yes, Chef.

Stephen: All right. And Action.

Trace: Ugh!

Danny: Whoo!

Trace: Uh!

Danny: Aru!

Trace: Huuuh!

Danny: Woof!

Trace: Wouf!

Danny: Wouf! Wouf!

Trace: Hoof! Hoof!

Danny: Meow!

Trace: Oink!

Danny: Snake!

Trace: Ka-ka-doo-doo.

Stephen: Cut. Okay, no. Trace, don’t match what he’s doing.

Trace: Oh, okay. He’s just an amazing scene partner. So.

Danny: Thank you. And I was just taking your note. You said to do animals.

Stephen: Yeah, but I said a bunch of stuff before that.

Danny: Well, I have auditory recency bias. So you can’t say that to me. I could sue you.

Trace: Okay guys, guys. Please don’t fight. It reminds me of the war and of fighting.

Stephen: You know what? Let’s just move on. We need to get these quick verbal phrases to say during the fight. And action.

Trace: Take that.

Danny: Hey, I like your necklace.

Trace: What? This old thing? Thanks.

Danny: See? Kindness wins.

Trace: You’re right. Let’s not fight it.

Danny: Yay, I forgot to ask. What are your pronouns?

Trace: He/him.

Stephen: Cut.

Danny: I’ll tell him. Ken is he/they.

Stephen: Guys? We can’t use any of that.

Danny: Aww, that makes me sad. Is there a reason?

Stephen: Yes, it’s because no one sounds like that when they fight.

Trace: That’s actually not true. I mean, you remind me exactly as someone I served with in Iraq.

Danny: Oh, you went to Iraq? Where did you stay?

Stephen: Dan! Didn’t want to say this, but you just need to play a more hetero.

Danny: Okay, you should have just said that in the beginning. I got it. Let’s roll. Hey, brother, Ken, biceps looking huge.

Trace: You looking pretty swole yourself, bro.

Danny: I saw you changing in the locker room, but I was completely soft my dude.

Trace: How the hell do you know my name?

Danny: Hey, easy brother. My wife’s on this app.

Stephen: What are you talking about? This isn’t an app.

Danny: It’s a video game? Well, then brother. I’ll race you to the GameCube brother.

Stephen: What? Danny, Dan. Answered me honestly. Do you really think you would sound like this in a real fight?

Danny: Yes, I would brother.

[Frank walks in]

Stephen: Oh my god. Frank. What are you doing here?

Frank: I told you I’ll kill you for sleeping with my wife.

Trace: No. I’ll protect you. [pushing Frank] Ugh!

Danny: [hitting Frank] Whoo!

Trace: [slapping Frank] Ugh!

Danny: [pushing Frank] Meow!

Male voice: KO!

Stephen: Well, I’ll be damned. You two just saved my life.

Danny: No, Stephen, Ken and Ryu saved your life.

Viral Apology Video

Markie… Kyle

JP… Daniel Kaluuya

[Starts with a YouTube video of Youtubers’ channel]

Markie: Yo, wad up, YouTube? Markie Monroe here with Prank Posse. Yo, it’s been a crazy couple of days here at Markie mansion. Yesterday, we hit you up with that fire host bidet prank on TikTok where me and my boy JP just blasted people and they got super mad at us.

JP: Yo, their faces, bro.

Markie: JP, come on, man! But today, yo, the craziest thing happened. This morning– I can’t even. Y’all just gotta watch this video.

[Cut to Markie in the kitchen having cereal]

Yo, breakfast time! Apple Jacks Head. [Markie pours cereal in a bowl] Wait, what the hell? Yo! Are these mouse bones? Why they got mouse bones in here?

JP: Ay, what’s going on? Dude, that looks like mouse bones.

Markie: Yo, JP, I don’t know what to do! Whoo! I’m mad.

JP: Yo, the cereal company was about to make you eat a damn mouse.

Markie: That’s illegal!

JP: Damn!

Markie: Okay. What would you do in this situation? Would you eat the bones? Hit us up in the comments and let’s get #mousebonestheHELLL? trending. Round up with that noise. You know what time it is. Milk fight!

[cut to Markie and his friends throwing milk at each other.]

[The video is paused. Then another video is played. Markie is just sitting on his couch.]

Markie: Hi. It’s me. So, the last 24 hours have been nuts. Our mouse bones video blew up, but with all that attention, some things from my past have come to light. and I would like to address those allegations now. They’re all true and they are all very bad. I’ve been bad to girlfriends, best friends, coworkers, parents, pets, and frankly, my god. But I want you all to know, I am sorry. Just know that I am learning and growing as we speak. Peace.

[The video is paused. Then another video is played. Markie is planning to prank his friend JP.]

Markie: Yo, we’re back. My boy JP is passed to sleep and we’re about to prank him. Let’s do this.

[Markie with his friends carry a TV and throw it on JP from one floor up.]

Oho! Prank party!

Friend: Oh, I think we should call 911.

[The video is paused. Then another video is played. Markie is just sitting on his couch.]

Markie: Hey guys, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for dropping a TV on JP’s head. It did not even occur to me that I could hurt my friend. I am so sorry. And I know a lot of you thought my last apology was insincere. You are right. I was lying. But this time, I mean it. [crying] It was cool and it was funny, but it was wrong. That’s why out of respect, we are going to delay the release of ‘the tricking JP into kissing my penis’ video to next Thursday. That’s just how it has to be. Love you all.

[The video is paused. Then another video is played. Markie is just sitting on his couch.]

Markie: [sobbing] Hey. So, as you all know, tricking JP into kissing my penis video came out and y’all were not happy about it. I even lost my endorsements from Samurai Vapes and Cinabon. And that’s what hurts the most. Y’all have also let me know that some of my past videos could be considered problematic and/or crimes. For example, Shrek costume at funeral, and of course, racist fart on bus. Bottomline, I’m sorry. If you like this apology and you believe it, please check out my other apology videos.

[Cut to JP planning to do a revenge prank on Markie]

JP: Shh. We about to prank Markie.

[JP walks to Markie and hits him hard with a TV.]

Prank Posse!

[Markie does not wake up]

Oh! He is not moving. [sad music playing] I would like to apologize. Bye.

[JP runs out.]

Weekend Update Morgan Wallen Video Super Bowl Bets

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Morgan Wallen at right top corner.]

Michael Che: It was announced that country music star Morgan Wallen had his recording contract suspended after a video surfaced of the singer using the N word. Hm, wonder who he learned that from. [picture changes to Morgan Wallen walking with Colin Jost.]

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Stormy Daniels and Michael Cohen at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: It was announced that Stormy Daniels will appear on Michael Cohen’s podcast. Worse, Michael Cohen will appear in Stormy Daniel’s movie.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of

Michael Che: Tomorrow, the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers compete in Super Bowl 55. The mayors of each city have made a fun bet on the game pitting 50 pounds of Kansas city’s famous barbecue versus a lifetime supply of Tampa’s legendary hepatitis B.

[picture changes to a prison cell]

A Wisconsin man who was sentenced to 14 years in prison for robbing a bank said he did it because he decided to try something new. “I like that attitude,” said his cell mate.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Amsterdam’s red-light district at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Officials in Amsterdam are hoping to reset tourism by moving the city’s famous red-light district away from the center of town. Okay. But take it from New York, when you drive out the sex stuff, that’s when the Elmos move in.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of news article that says “Video shows shoppers and workers at Florida supermarket maskless” at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A video went viral this week of workers and customers at a Florida supermarket not wearing mask. But masks are a lot to ask in a place where the dress code is typically flip-flops and one titty out.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a news article that says “Man creates homemade rollercoaster for his kids” at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: A Florida man spent lockdown building a rollercoaster for his children in the back yard. “Wow, I’d love to see it,” said child services.

Dad Prank Video

Ted… Mikey Day

Boss… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a kid making a YouTube video.]

Brandon: What’s up, YouTube. It’s your boy, Brandon. So, I have a corny ass dad.

[He shoots his dad with an airgun.]

Ted: Ouch! Brandon?

Brandon: So, I’ve been pranking him during quarantine, and here are my favorite ones.

[Brandon is putting draw pins on the toilet seat.]

Oh, this is gonna hurt so bad. Put thumb tacks oh his toilet seat.

[Cut to Ted getting in the toilet. He takes the seat. He jumps off and drops his phone.]

Ted: Ah! My phone. Of course, it cracked. Of course, it cracked. [He kneels down to get the pins out of his butt.] Okay. [grunting] More. More. Why so many? Why so many? I’m bleeding. I’m bleeding. And there’s like, four in the toilet. Wonderful.

Brandon: Changed dad’s every contact’s name in his phone to Gigi Hadid.

Gigi Hadid. Gigi Hadid. Gigi Hadid. Gigi Hadid. [phone ringing] Dad, it’s Gigi Hadid.

Ted:  [yelling] You’re laughing and it’s my work. I don’t know who to call because I don’t know their numbers. They all say Gigi Hadid.

Brandon: Why do you hate Gigi Hadid?

Ted: Brandon, I don’t hate Gigi Hadid. I wish her the best.

Brandon: Why do you hate women?

Ted: I don’t hate women.

[Brandon is laughing]

Brandon: Bruh. these jump scares tho.

[He puts a scary doll in the cupboard. When his dad opens the cupboard, he gets scared and bumps his head.]

[Cut to Ted coming to wake Brandon up.]

Ted: Brandon, wake up. Remote school time. Just because– [When dad takes the blanket off, his son is wearing a scary mask, so he gets scared and jumps away. He falls hard.]

[Brandon is laughing]

Brandon: Changed his Zoom background before a meeting with his boss.

[Cut to Ted and his boss on Zoom. Ted’s background is a girl in her bikini at the beach.]

Boss: Um, Ted. You mind telling me why your zoom background is a picture of my teenage daughter in a bathing suit?

Ted: I have no idea, Pat.

Boss: Shut up.

Ted: Brandon! I don’t want that there. [pointing at the background]

Boss: Get your finger off of her. Don’t you touch her. You don’t touch her.

Brandon: Thanks for watching. Peace.

Pete Davidson “Drake” Music Video

Pete Davidson

[Music video starts with Pete Davidson recording in his home]

[music playing]

Pete Davidson: [rapping] I’m just– I’m just here to have fun my friend

[Subtitle reads “From his mom’s basement.”]

we’re just making so much money. Wearing watches and getting beautiful women. You know, I’m just wearing this chain and I don’t know what to do. 

Uh-yeah

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
number one on the Billboard
number one on the Billboard

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
Number one on the Billboard
Number one on the Billboard

And I need you now
But you in New York and I’m in Macau
I’d be with you, but this is an obstacle
It’s just, it’s not physically possible
Like Mission Impossible, I’m Tom Cruise
Don’t wanna be losin’ you, I take a cruise in you
Penélope Cruisin’ too
I’m a tough guy, but hey, my heart take bruises too, uh

You are my love, you are my love
My baby girl, my number one
My baby girl, my number one
Like my Billboard song

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
Number one on the Billboard
Number one on the Billboard

This is a Drake song
I miss my ex, this is a Drake song
Number one on the Billboard
Number one on the Billboard

Pete Davidson “Andre 2000” Music Video

Pete Davidson

[Music video starts with video clips of money, cars and Pete Davidson fooling around]

[music playing]

Pete Davidson: [rapping] Yeah, this is that new rapper
you know, flexing with everything I’ve got
here we go
it’s for moms
Yeah, VIP (Okay)

I got $2,000
I got $2,000
It looks like a lot in the video
But it’s only $2,000

I’m a new young rapper on the block
About $2,000 is all I got
I put it in the video in every shot
It’s t$2,000, it’s all I got
But it looks good in the video
But it’s only 20 hundreds though
If what I’m rappin’ is good, yo, then
Maybe you won’t notice, oh

I got $2,000 (What?)
I got $2,000
It looks like a lot in the video
But it’s only $2,000

Andre 2000, call me Andre 2000 (What?)
Andre 2000, can’t afford 3000
What?