Cut for Time: Date in Mexico

Chris Redd

Cecily Strong

Rosco… Will Farrell

Waiter… Bowen Yang

Waitress… Melissa Villaseñor

[Starts with a sea beach villa’s clip]

Chris: Honey, this has been a really special vacation. Thank you.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily having drinks at the restaurant]

Cecily: Aw, thanks. Not everyday my man graduates veterinarian school.

Chris: Well, I didn’t graduate. I’m just not going anymore.

Cecily: Still, something to celebrate.

[Waiters walks in with two drinks]

Waiter: Two Cocolatus.

Cecily: Oh, we didn’t order these.

Waiter: Compliments of the gentleman over there.

[Rosco is sitting alone at the next table]

Rosco: How are you folks this evening?

Cecily: Great, thank you. How are you?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I couldn’t be any freaking better. Woo, I’m in love.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Chris: Oh, that’s great.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: Yeah, she’s gonna meet me. Her name is Subina. She’s from Moldova.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh, cool. How did you meet?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: On a website, where you look for Moldavian women. I sent her flowers, it cost $800.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Wow, you must be well off.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: Well, I do what I can. It’s worth it when you’re in love. Like this trip to Mexico.

[A waitress walks in with a hugs lobster]

Waitress: Lobster for two.

Rosco: Yes, that’s for me and Subina. She’s my girlfriend from Moldova. And she’s meeting me here in Mexico.

Waitress: Oh, that’s great.

Rosco: Yeah, we’re in love. And that’s why I bought her a plane ticket from Moldova to Mexico to meet me. And I bought the lobster and caviar for dinner for two. It’s prepaid.

Waiter: Yeah, I saw that.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Well, she’s a very lucky lady.

Chris: Is she still up in the room, or?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: She’s coming from Moldova. She should be here any minute. It’s the first time we’ve ever met in person.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh! Hah!

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: You wanna see a picture of Subina?

[Cut to everybody]

Chris: Oh, sure.

[Rosco showing them her picture on his phone]

Rosco: What do you think? She’s beautiful, right?

Cecily: Well, lot of make up.

Chris: Very pretty.

Cecily: Never seen a phone screen that cracked!

Rosco: You wanna see one of just the bod?

Cecily: Oh, no.

Rosco: Check that out! Right? Right? This guy knows what I’m talking about. My mom says I make bad choices. Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, right!

Cecily: Well, thanks for the drinks.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I’m in love, woo! [phone ringing] Oh, that’s Subina now. [talking on the phone] Hi, baby. What? What do you mean, baby? What are you saying? So, you’re not coming? Where are you now? Moldova? Well, I can buy you a new ticket. Baby! Baby! Ba-baby! Baby, no wait. Baby, don’t. Wait. [He looks at the phone and drops it on the table.] [Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Are you okay?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: No, I’m not okay. I need a minute.

[Rosco walks out] [Rosco screaming in anger] [Rosco walks back]

Waitress: Is everything okay, sir?

[Cut to Rosco and waitress]

Rosco: Subina dumped me. My credit card bounced on her ticket and she dumped me.

Waitress: Oh, I’m so sorry. That’s really tough. So, do you still want the caviar service?

Rosco: Yeah, I paid for it.

Waitress: Well, I’m really sorry.

[Waitress walks away]

Rosco: I’m not well off.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: What’s that?

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: You said earlier I must be well off. I’m not. I’m a shoe shiner. And I wash feet at a salon.

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Chris: Oh! Okay.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I can’t even pay for this stupid lobster I’m eating. I borrowed the money from my mom to pay for this trip. And now Subina’s [eats the lobster] not even coming. Filth!

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Oh, you’re not supposed to eat the shell.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: I don’t know that. I’ve never had lobster before. [coughs] I’m allergic. [Roscotakes out a woven panties] You two should have these. I bought them for Subina but useless now.

Cecily: Sorry, what is this?

Rosco: Candy panties for Subina, because she sweep like candy. And she wears panties.

[Cut to Chris]

Chris: I think we’re good.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: Then don’t think them of as panties. All right? Think of them as a regular dandy. I only wore them more than once.

[Cut to everybody]

Cecily: We’re only here for two nights, so.

[Cut to Rosco] Rosco: I’m gonna Facetime Subina, okay? And convince her to come to Mexico. [phone ringing]

Subina: Hello

Rosco: Subina, it’s me Rosco. I’m your baby, remember?

Subina: I don’t know. You’re not sending me money anymore.

Rosco: I can send money. If I send money now, will you come to Mexico?

Subina: I don’t know.

Unknown male voice: Baby, come back to bed.

Subina: I’m working.

Rosco: That’s her brother.

Subina: I have to go. Good bye Roger.

Rosco: It’s Rosco. And should I wait for you or– ?

[Waitress walks in]

Waitress: Your caviar sir.

Rosco: Oh! It’s just fish! Get it away from me!

[Cut to Chris and Cecily]

Cecily: Well, you know what? I’m sure you’ll meet someone soon because you seem like a real catch.

[Cut to Rosco]

Rosco: No, there’s only Subina. [phone beeping] Oh! It’s Lily Anna. Another Moldavian woman. She just Venmo requested me $1,000. I’m in love again.

Sandler Family Reunion | Season 44 Episode 19

Waiter… Chris Redd

Adam Sandler

Ring… Kyle Mooney

Mac… Mikey Day

Shawn Mendez

Ron Bacon… Kenan Thompson

Janet Sandler Bacon… Aidy Bryant

Pete Davidson

Bobby… Melissa Villaseñor

Chubbs… Leslie Jones

Beck Bennett

Mom… Kristen Wiig

Dad… Jimmy Fallon

[Starts with Waiter serving beer to Adam]

Waiter: Here’s your Heineken, Mr. Sandler.

Adam Sandler: Cool.

Waiter: [In Billi Madison voice] So cold! Do you want to drink tiny? Like Billy Madison.

Adam Sandler: I got that, that’s very funny.

Waiter: If you don’t mind me asking, how do you come up with all your characters and stuff?

Adam Sandler: I don’t know, I think they just kind of come to me.

Waiter: That’s kind of a lame answer, all right. Enjoy your reunion.

Adam Sandler: Yeah, there’s lots of Sandlers here, it’s a sandstorm.

Waiter: All right.

[Waiter leaves] [Ring and Mac joins Adam]

Ring: Hello, Mr. Hollywood big shot.

Adam Sandler: It’s cousin Ring, cousin Mac, good to see you.

[Cut to Ring and Mac]

Ring: Yes sir. Habito-poo-poo!

Mac: Habito-pee-poo!

[Cut to Adam]

Adam Sandler: Habito-yahoo!

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Mac: Adam, I was so excited when I heard you were coming, I was like, “Habito-woo-hoo!”

Adam Sandler: I don’ know. It’s been forever. How have you guys been?

[Cut to Ring and Mac]

Ring: Trying to get my real estate license now. Who knows, we shall see-hoo!

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: Great! Good luck.

Mac: As for me, [Cut to Ring and Mac] I got a– got-a-divorce. Very messy.

Ring: She was screwing his best friend.

Mac: Ha-ha. Shut up!

Ring: You shut up!

[Cut to Adam]

Adam Sandler: Shut up! Come on! There’s kids here. Oh, my god, is that my nephew Shawn? He’s still at the kids’ table.

[Shawn is sitting at the kid’s table with two other kids]

Shawn: What’s wrong? Want some McDonald’s? Will somebody get this kid a happy meal?

[Cut to Pete with a mic announcing]

Pete: Excuse me. May I have everyone’s attention, please. Hello, Sandlers.

[Cut to everybody]

Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!

Pete: I just wanted to say, big hand for Ron Bacon and Janet Sandler Bacon for planning this whole thing.

[Cut to Janet and Ron]

Janet Sandler Bacon: Our pleasure. A-habida-dibada-doo!

Ron Bacon: Yes, yes. You know, I’m still not great at this, you all are doing an little invisible Clarinet thing. Is that what it is? It doesn’t matter. Slibida-bib-bap!

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: We’re so happy to have cousin Adam this year. Watch what you say about him because you might end up in one of his movies.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: What? I don’t use your guys for material.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: I don’t know about that, Adam. Because now I saw a movie where you picked someone who looked just like me. I seen that on the big ‘ol screen and said, “Hey, that’s me up there”.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: No, I promise you, Bobby, Bouchet is not based on you.

[Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: I know that, dear, I was talking about the Big Daddy movie.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: Not that either. I can promise you.

[Cut to Chubbs]

Chubbs: I know Happy Gilmore, the Chubbs was based on me. How do I know this? A, my first name is Chubbs. B, I have a fake hand. And C, I’m a golf instructor. It’s all in the hips. You stole that from me.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: All right, maybe a borrowed some stuff from you guys. I swear to you, I didn’t do that a lot.

[Cut to Pete]

Pete: Yes, sure you didn’t. Everybody’s enjoying the party.

[Beck joins Pete]

Beck Bennett: Hey, Excuse me. Are we going to do the karaoke now?

Pete: Oh, no! The Karaoke is canceled.

Beck Bennett: Oh, okay. Cool. Once again, something that could have been brought to my attention yesterday.

[Cut to Adam, Ring and Mac]

Adam Sandler: I’m going to go say hi to my mother, wish me luck. [Adam walks to his mom] Hi ma, great to see you. What do you think of the reunion? This is a whole family–

Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.

Adam Sandler: They’re not laughing, they love me.

Mom: No!

Adam Sandler: Come on, ma, be nice.

Mom: They’re all going to laugh at you.

Adam Sandler: No!

Mom: No!

Adam Sandler: Ma, stop.

Mom: No

Adam Sandler: Shut up!

Dad: Why don’t you shut up.

[Dad comes in]

Adam Sandler: Papa. How are you doing?

Dad: [Speaking things that’s not understandable, but Adam Sandler is understand]

Adam Sandler: Oh!

Dad: That’s right, but the doctor says it’s nothing to worry about.

Adam Sandler: Oh, good.

Dad: How about I sing the Sandler family song. I wrote it 70 years ago.

Adam Sandler: No, nobody wants to hear that. I wouldn’t want to do that. And nobody wants to hear that.

Dad: I just want to. I would be great if I did that.

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights

Adam Sandler: I agree with mother. Let’s take a picture. Yo, come on, Colbert. Snap us. [Cut to everybody getting together for a family picture] Everyone get in. Okay. Come on. Stop looking at me. Shawn. Come on, take the picture. Take it. Ready? One, two, three.

Everybody: Habito-wee-whoo!