Waterslide

Beck Bennett

Kyle Mooney

Sasheer Zamata

Bobby Moynihan

Jess… Reese Witherspoon

Cecily Strong

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with a video clip of water park.]

Beck: Okay, you’re up now.

Kyle: Watch it!

Sasheer: Oh, my god! Everybody knows how to ride a water slide.

Beck: Really? Well, tell that to me two summers ago. I didn’t slide safe and I messed up my jaw.

Kyle: Now, he can’t say cinnamons.

Beck: Slomonon.

Kyle: Arms in, you’re good to go.

[Sasheer slides down]

Beck: Next rider.

[Bobby walks up to the slide. He has his shirt all messed up with food.]

Wait! You puked in a lazy river this morning.

Bobby: No, I didn’t.

Kyle: That’s puke on your shirt.

Bobby: No, it’s not.

[Bobby slides down]

[sound of Bobby puking]

Beck: Argh!

Kyle: Man! He yaked again!

Beck: He yaked! I knew it was him.

[Jess walks to them]

Jess: What’s up guys?

Beck: Oh, what’s up, Jess?

Kyle: You’re looking good today.

Beck: Yeah, you’re looking better than yesterday.

Kyle: Well, that’s impossible. I don’t even know if it’s possible.

Beck and Kyle: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Jess: You guys are so funny. Hey, can one of you guys do me, such a huge solemn, and screen my shoulders. It’s totally scorch.

Beck: Oh, I got it Jess.

Kyle: I’ll all about sun safety.

Beck: I got it first dude!

Kyle: Fuck off, Chad!

Beck: You fuck off, yeah!

Jess: I don’t know. You guys are too much. Just do it together.

Beck: Oh, dang, Jess, you got a lot of moles.

Kyle: I feel like a blind guy. I’m like reading your skin or something.

Jess: Thanks. My mom says it gives me personality. And my dad and I don’t speak. Oh, man, that feels bomb!

Beck: Yeah!

Kyle: It’s bomb right there.

Beck: Bomb, dude!

Jess: Yeah.

[Cut to the the line of people for slide ]

Cecily: Um, can I go? Or should I just freaking stand here until I’m freaking thousand freaking years old?

Jess: We’re having a staff meeting right now.

Cecily: Oh, well, okay. I’m gonna go down.

[Cut to Beck, Kyle and Jess]

Kyle: Whatever, we don’t care.

[sound of Cecily sliding and hitting something]

Cecily: Ouch! My freaking chin!

[Kenan comes in running and tired]

Kenan: Jess!

Jess: Ya!

Kenan: Some kid over the Gubby’s Grotto wedged his dork into one of the jets. He’s weaking out!

Jess: Ah! That is our third hog pog this week.

Kenan: Hey, you gotta hole in some warm water. These little perverts are gonna plug it.

Jess: Alright guys. I gotta roll. And um, I’ll be down for riding your Jeep sometimes. Later!

Kyle: Cool! I’ll ask my dad if I can borrow it.

[Cut to the the line of people for slide ]

Beck: Oh! Yeah. Oh, man! Line’s long as hell.

Kyle: Come on, make us some time.

Beck: Alright, everybody down at once.

Kyle: Just go! Just go!

Beck: Hustle! Hustle!

Kyle: I did my job!

Beck: Yes, dude! Ha-ha. Give me a water-five, dude!

[Beck and Kyle do high-five]

[The End]