Phil… Bowen Yang
Heather… Ego Nwodim
Megan Thee Stallion
[Music video starts]
[music playing]
Phil: [rapping] My friend is going out and I’m tagging along
She’s gonna see some pals she hasn’t seen in so long
Heather: [rapping] It’s my boyfriend’s friend’s birthday and I was free
Will I know people there? He said…
Heather’s boyfriend: You’ll know me.
Megan: My sister’s meeting friends. She said…
Megan’s Sister: You’ll love ’em, I think.
Megan: I said, “I don’t love strangers, but I do like to drink.”
Alexis: Everybody, this is Phil
Phil: Hey, I’m friends with Alexis
Megan’s sister: Guys, this is my sister
Megan: I flew in from Texas
Heather’s boyfriend: And I finally brought my girlfriend
Heather: That’s me, I’m Heather Where did you three meet?
Alexis, Heather’s boyfriend and Megan’s sister: We grew up together!
Phil: Aw, they leave us at the table and they go do a shot
Heather: They ask if we’ll save their seats
Megan: We say, “Sure, why not?”
Phil: But now we’re three strangers that our friends forgot
Megan: Oh-oh
Heather: Uh-oh
Phil: Uh-oh
[Hook]
We got brought
And we don’t know each other
We got brought
So we all have to suffer
We’re all plus-ones just nodding a lot
And we all wanna leave, but it’s only 8 o’clock
We got brought
Megan: It’s hell on earth, but we try to push through
I ask, “Where y’all from?”
Heather: And I ask, “What do you do?”
Phil: And I couldn’t think of a single other question
So I also asked, “Where y’all from?”
Heather: We already covered that.
Phil: Does anyone have another question?
Megan: Okay, so what’s y’all’s trauma?
I make my escape and say I’m going to the bathroom
But this crazy bitch says…
Heather: Oh, I’ll go with you.
Megan: No, you won’t!
Phil: Is she leaving? Nice meeting you.
Now we’re waiting at the bar and no one’s coming by
And if there’s one second of silence then we’ll both die
So I reach into the depths of what I know
And I say, “Did you know there’s only been 25 deaths
at DIsneyland since 1955?”
And she says…
Heather: Only?
Phil: I say, “Never mind.”
I ask, “What neighborhood is your apartment in?”
She says…
Heather: Brooklyn.
Phil: And I say, “Oh, whereabouts in Brooklyn?”
And without skipping a beat she says…
Heather: Oh, the safe part.
Phil: Which was shocking, so I panicked,
and all I could say was…
“Oh good, I love the safe part.”
Heather: Wait, no. I said the south part.
Phil: No!
We got brought!
Megan: Your mutual ones are gone! Your mutual ones are missing!
You’re wandering in a dance club while your friends are reminiscing.
Phil: Where are our friends? Where have they gone?
Why would they bring us here and leave us so long?
Megan: You’re all out of topics and the conversation’s lazy
So you just keep on saying, “That’s crazy.”
That’s crazy
Oh really? That’s crazy
So crazy. That’s crazy
No way, that’s crazy
Wow! Crazy!
Phil: That’s crazy
Heather: So crazy
Phil: Well, it’s nice to meet you. It’s getting late.
Heather: It’s 8:05.
Phil: [screaming] I don’t want to be here anymore!
Heather, Phil and Megan: We got brought!