Sarah Palin… Tina Fey
Sarah Huckabee Sanders… Aidy Bryant
Kellyanne Conway… Kate McKinnon
Michael Wolff… Fred Armisen
Stormy Daniels… Cecily Strong
Rex Tillerson… John Goodman
Omarosa Manigault… Leslie Jones
[Starts with Sarah Palin in the White House.]
Sarah Palin: Hello, it’s me. [cheers and applause] It’s me, the ghost of Sarah Palin. No, I’m just kidding. I’m still alive. But you had to think about it, didn’t you? Here is a refresher. I was the first female on a republican presidential ticket and now I get paid to tweet for Bass Pro Shops. Take it from me, politics is a wild ride. One minute you’re on top and then you’re gone in a blink of a Scaramucci. Well, I have a message for all the people in the Trump White House. Enjoy your moment. Who knows how long it will last?
[music playing]
[singing] Kiss today goodbye
the sweetness and the sorrow
wish me luck the same to you
[Sarah Huckabee Sanders walks in]
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Oh, hi, Sarah.
Sarah Palin: Oh, hey, Sarah.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Well, isn’t it funny that our names are both Sarah, when we’re both classic Beckies?
Sarah Palin: Oh! You’re doing good though. You’ve lasted longer in the White House than most.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Oh, I know. But all my friends are gone. You know. It’s like saved by the bell the new class and I’m screeching, I’m just still there for some reason.
Sarah Palin: Sarah, what if today was the last day you were working for Trump?
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Hmm…
[singing] Kiss White House goodbye
and point me towards FOX News
I did what he said to do
and I might regret what I did for Trump
what I fed for Trump
[Kellyanne Conway floats down from the above]
Kellyanne Conway: [singing] What, I am my regard
and as we travel on
and we’ll always remember, okay?
[Michael Wolff walks in]
Sarah Palin: Aww.
Michael Wolff: Sarah, how are ya?
Sarah Palin: Hey, Michael Wolff. You were everywhere after you wrote that book “Fire & Fury.” Then you kind of disappeared, didn’t ya?
Michael Wolff: Well, I’m gonna be back because I’m writing a book about Jared and Ivanka. Did you know they’er actually the same person? That’s why you never see them together.
Sarah Palin: Is it true?
Michael Wolff: Yeah, sure, whatever.
[singing] I won’t say I lied
all of a sudden we care about facts
but juke was mine to borrow
oh, come on, you love it
I did what I had to do
won’t regret, you’ll forget,
what I did for Trump
Sarah Palin: Miss Stormy Daniels, everybody.
[Two men carry Stormy Daniels by her arms and brings her in]
Stormy Daniels: [singing] Gone, they wish I were gone
as time travels on
I will be remembered
You can check out my ted-talk on sex value politics. Or catch me on my star sprinkled boner to earth this weekend at “Squeeze and Splat Pals.”
[Rex Tillerson walks in]
[cheers and applause]
Rex Tillerson: Howdy, y’all?
Sarah Palin: Aw, Rex Tillerson. You were fired months ago. You look great!
Rex Tillerson: Oh, yeah. Being fired by Trump was the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m the only man ever to go into a situation on scaith and come out unscaith. Trump was the biggest mess I’ve ever dealt with and I work for Exxon Mobil.
[singing] Kiss today goodbye
and point me toward tomorrow
Sarah Palin: Point him towards tomorrow
Rex Tillerson: You do what you have to do
don’t forget, I regret
what I did for Trump
Stormy Daniels: What I did with Trump
Sarah Palin: I would work for Trump.
Oh, hi, Omarosa.
[Omarosa Manigault walks in]
Omarosa Manigault: Look, Trump thinks he fired me but I fired myself.
[singing] Kiss my ass goodbye
and point me towards a book deal
All: We did what we had to do
won’t forget, can’t regret
what I did for Trump
what I did for Trump
Sarah Palin: Nothing wrong with doing dancing with the stars. Just don’t do a quick step on the first week. It’s too darn hard.
All: What I did for Trump