James Shawn Johnson
Janette… Ego Nwodim
Shawn… Austin Butler
Ava… Cecily Strong
Santa… Mikey Day
James: And maybe next year we can host this company holiday party in the Bahamas. Right? Cheers everybody.
Heidi: Seriously, thank you all for coming tonight. Now, how about we start the white elephant gift exchange? Does everyone know how this works?
Shawn: Remind me again.
Ava: We all take turns grabbing gifts, right?
Devon: Yep. But you only get to pick when your number is called.
Andrew: Yeah, but we can steal a gift, right?
Heidi: Exacto-mundo. Let’s start. Who’s got number one?
Janette: That’d beat me. Okay. Alright, what do we got here? Oh. Okay. Now that’s a candle right there. I love it.
Heidi: All right, who’s next?
Shawn: Oh, me. I’ve got number two.
James: Okay. Getting in on the action.
Shawn: Oh, nice. A sweet ashtray. Oh, you know, I was just saying I needed something like this. I’m going to use this as a catch all by the front door of my place. Yes. When I get home from a long day, I can just put all my rings and bracelets and playing cards and stuff right from my pockets right here so I know where everything is. To whoever got this, thank you for real. I’m going to cherish this forever. It is perfect.
Ava: Okay, well let’s move on. Number three. I’m up. And you know what? Actually, I’m gonna steal. I really like Shawn’s gift. Yoink!
Heidi: Oh, let the games begin.
Shawn: So what? Now I just don’t get a gift?
Heidi: No, Shawn. Now you can go back to the unopened gifts or you can steal?
Shawn: Okay, I’ll steal my gift back. Yoink back at you.
Ava: No, I don’t think you can do that.
James: Yeah, you’ve got to grab someone else’s.
Shawn: That’s not fair. That’s not fair. You you shouldn’t be able to do that. That’s mean. That’s mean as hell. You know what, Ava? You are a wicked little woman.
Devon: Whoa, whoa, Shawn. I’m gonna need you to chillax pimp juice.
Andrew: That’s just how the game is played, dude.
Shawn: You shouldn’t be able to take someone’s gift if it’s perfect for them. That’s not right. For example, I wouldn’t take Janette scented candle because I know that her house stinks.
Shawn: No, I’m saying Jeanette, we’ve all been to your house. We’re all aware that you need that candle.
Andrew: Shawn, it’s okay dude. Just take a different gift.
Shawn: Alright, would have.
James: Are you gonna open it?
Shawn: Why? It’s just gonna suck.
Heidi: Okay, hey, let’s let’s take a chill pill and push through. This is supposed to be fun, remember? So who’s next?
Andrew: Number five right here. Hey, Jeanette. Could I get a whiff of your candle?
Janette: Okay, I think I know where this is going.
Shawn: [to Ava] So what are you gonna use it for? To smoke dope?
Shawn: What? Look at her. She’s obviously doped out of her gourd right now. Total smack head.
Andrew: Shawn, you’re being a child.
Devon: Just open your gift and shut up.
Shawn: Alright, whatever. I will. Happy? Let’s see what crap awaits. So you’re going to address to me. Who wrote my name on this one? Oh my goodness. It’s the same catchall but in Jet Black. That’s like even more awesome than the other one because jet black is my favorite color.
James: Your favorite color is jet black?
Shawn: It’s a Christmas miracle guys. Who did this? Come on. Fess up. Somebody?
All: No. I didn’t.
Shawn: That must mean..
Santa: Ho-ho-ho-ho. Santa Claus here telling you that it’s someone is lucky enough to get a perfect gift at the white elephant gift exchange, let him keep it. It costs you nothing to be nice. Now you might wonder how I knew Shawn wanted that catchall. Just call it father’s intuition. [Santa is also wearing a lot of rings and bracelets] Merry Christmas! Ho-ho-ho.