Tag: William Barr

Mike Pence Impeachment Strategy Cold Open

Mike Pence … Beck Bennett

William Barr … Aidy Bryant

Rudy Giuliani … Kate McKinnon

Mike Pompeo … Matthew Broderick

Mr. Schiff … Mikey Day

Ben Carson … Kenan Thompson

President of Finland … Alex Moffat

[Cut to Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani and William Barr in a meeting]

Mike Pence: Rudy, attorney general Barr, thank you for joining me. As you know, this impeachment farce is growing worse by the day. And now, a second whistle-blower is coming forward.

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani]

Rudy Giuliani: And it’s all happening during my busy season – Halloween.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Where is the president, Mike?

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: He has more important things to deal with. He’s meeting with an alligator breeder about filling a moat at the border.

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani]

Rudy Giuliani: You should have told me. I know a couple of gators from when I lived in the central park zoo.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: Rudy, we need to get ahead of this story before it spirals out of control. Did you see those text messages they uncovered?

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani]

Rudy Giuliani: What! They totally exonerate us.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: Really? What do they say?

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Well, this one says, “I think we should stop texting about the crimes and maybe tell the crimes over the phone that the crimes don’t leave little crime footprints.” See, it’s all taken care of.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: I can’t believe that. I’m supposed to be seeing the new Judy Garland movie with mother.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr:  You worry too much, Mike. Presidents get impeached every 30 or 40 years. Now, come on, relax, have another glass of milk.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: Well, it’s 5 somewhere. [Mike Pence drinks milk in a whiskey glass]

[Assistant walks in]

Assistant: Mr. Vice President, secretary Mike Pompeo has returned from Greece and is here to see you.

Mike Pence: Oh!

[Mike Pompeo walks in]

Mike Pompeo: Hey, good to be back.

Mike Pence: Mike, weren’t you subpoenaed by congress?

Mike Pompeo: I was, but I think I bought myself a little time.

[Cut to the chairman Mr. Schiff]

Mr. Schiff: This meeting of the house intelligence committee will now come to order. Pompeo. Pompeo. Pompeo.

[Cut to a doll of Mike Pompeo]

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani and Mike Pompeo]

Mike Pompeo: Listen, I’ve been asking around and I think that this whole impeachment thing could be really bad.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: Who told you that?

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani and Mike Pompeo]

Mike Pompeo: Like, America.

Rudy Giuliani: Not according to this Breitbart office poll that says 121% of people want Biden impeached.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: Maybe we should listen to Mike. After all, he is secretary of—

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani and Mike Pompeo]

Mike Pompeo: State, I think? Honestly, I don’t know anymore. My ID just says Big Mike.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: That’s right. The only original cabinet member left in Ben Carson.

[Ben Carson walks in]

Ben Carson: Did somebody say my name?

Mike Pence: That’s okay, Ben. This isn’t your job.

Ben Carson: Okay. But I’ve been sitting in my empty office for like three years. Does anyone know what my job is supposed to be?

William Barr: No idea. Anyone? I don’t know.

Ben Carson: Even if somebody could give me my password to my computer, that would be a great help.

William Barr: You know what? I better show Mr. Carson out.

Mike Pence: But you’ll be back, right? We’re in the middle of a crisis here.

William Barr: Oh, for sure, 100%. See you soon.

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani and Mike Pompeo]

Rudy Giuliani: Listen, guys, we’re going to be just fine. We need to close ranks, you know? Like the mafia.

Mike Pompeo: Uh, yeah, except the mafia was like, smart. They didn’t go on Fox News and tell people crimes before they did them.

Rudy Giuliani: Oh, that reminds me, I promised Hannity I would go on his show tonight. I better get into my stage make up so I look less– While I’m going, you guys should get your stories straight. Okay? Something like how hunter Biden started pizza gate or how this can all be traced back to Takashi 69. Whatever the worst idea is, text it to me so the feds have a record. I’ll be back.

[Rudy Giuliani leaves]

Mike Pompeo: He’s probably right about getting out stories straight.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: Yes, because even if they’re not straight now, they could still be converted to straight, right?

[Cut to  Mike Pompeo]

Mike Pompeo: You know, though the other thing we could do is just flee the country. There’s a whole list of countries that would love to have us. North Korea, Saudi Arabia. End of list.

[Cut to everybody]

Mike Pence: I’m sorry, who is this guy?

President of Finland: I’m the president of Finland.

Mike Pence: Oh, my god. You’re still here? From the press conference?

[Cut to President of Finland]

President of Finland: Yes. Mr. Trump kept screaming and then he just walked off and I did not know if it was over or what.

[Cut to Mike Pence]

Mike Pence: You can go. You’re going to go.

[Cut to President of Finland]

President of Finland: Well, I did want to say, the concept of diplomacy is very important.

[Cut to Mike Pompeo]

Mike Pompeo: Oh, that’s cute. Hey, you know what? [Cut to everybody] I’m going to walk this guy out. So, what’s Finland like? I mean to live in.

President of Finland: It’s nice.
Mike Pence: Wait. You’re coming back, right, Mike? Because if things go bad for Trump, then I’m president.

Mike Pompeo: Oh, yeah, yeah, that’s great, that’s going to work out just great. I can’t wait for that to happen. And hey, impeachment moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around, might miss it.

[Mike Pompeo leaves]

[Cut to Mike Pence alone in a room]

Mike Pence: Wow, it looks like I’m here all alone.

[Assistant walks in with a basket]

Assistant: Actually, sir, Stephen Miller wanted to talk to you.

Mike Pence: Oh. Fantastic.

Assistant: Here he is.

[Assistant opens the basket, a snake comes out]

Mike Pence: Oh, thanks for coming by, Stephen. Do you have any way out of this impeachment? [Snake whispering] Oh really? [Snake whispering]  Biden, corruption? Okay, uh-huh. Get Nicholas Cage to steal the constitution and blame it on immigrants? Do you really think that will work? [Snake whispering] God, he’s good. He’s good.

[Assistant walks in]

And speaking of good, Rudy Giuliani is back from his appearance on Fox News. He’s still in stage makeup.

[Rudy Giuliani walks in with The Joker make up]

Rudy Giuliani: I killed on Hannity.

Mike Pence: Did you say killed?

Rudy Giuliani: That’s right, and I’ll kill again.

Mike Pence and Rudy Giuliani: Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.

Impeachment Cold Open – SNL

Donald Trump… Alec Baldwin

Rudy Giuliani… Kate McKinnon

William Barr… Aidy Bryant

Mike Pence… Beck Bennett

Donald Trump Jr… Mikey Day

Eric Trump… Alex Moffat

Kim-Jong Un… Bowen Yang

Kanye West… Chris Redd

Don King… Kenan Thompson

Jeanine Pirro… Cecily Strong

Liev Schreiber

[Starts with a clip of White House]

[Cut to Donald Trump in his office speaking on the phone]

[Cheers and applause]

Donald Trump: Get me Rudy Giuliani on the phone.

[Cut to split screen. Donald Trump is on left, Rudy Giuliani is on the ride side of the screen.]

Rudy Giuliani: Oh, hey Mr. Trump. What’s new?

Donald Trump: What do you mean what’s new, Rudy? I’m being impeached. It’s the greatest presidential harassment of all time I would know. I’m like the president of harassment.

Rudy Giuliani: You got to relax Mr. Trump. We’ve got nothing to worry about. Nobody’s going to find out about our illegal side dealings with the Ukraine.

Donald Trump: Good.

Rudy Giuliani: Or how we tried to cover up those side dealings.

Donald Trump: Great.

Rudy Giuliani: Or how we plan to cover up the cover up.

Donald Trump: Rudy. Rudy, where are you right now.

[Cut to Rudy Giuliani. He’s in CNN live show.]

Rudy Giuliani: I’m on CNN right now. I’m going to put you on speaker.

[Cut to split screen of Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.]

Donald Trump: Rudy, get out of there and whatever you do stay off the phone. [Cut to Donald Trump] I got another call. Okay. Who is this?

[Cut to William Barr in his office]

William Barr: It’s Attorney General Barr.

[Cut to split screen. Donald Trump on left, William Barr on right.]

Donald Trump: Will, I’m really starting to worry.

William Barr: Well, stay calm. Mr. President. I know things look bad right now but I got our top guy on this.

Donald Trump: Good. Well let’s get him on the phone too.

[Cut to screen split into three. Donald Trump on left, William Barr in the middle and Rudy Giuliani on right.]

Rudy Giuliani: Hello.

Donald Trump: Dammit! Not Rudy!

Rudy Giuliani: Oh, hey Mr. President.

Donald Trump: Rudy, you’re not still on CNN, are you?

Rudy Giuliani: Of course not.

Donald Trump: Good.

Rudy Giuliani: I’m on the Joe Rogan party.

Donald Trump: Rudy, hang up the phone and get out of there. [Cut to screen split into two with Donald Trump and William Barr]. Will, you know I’m going to need somebody to take the blame for this.

William Barr: Yeah, but where are you going to find a sacrificial Patsy that don’t do anything you say, not it.

Donald Trump: Don’t worry, I’ve got the perfect stooge.

[Cut to Mike Pence.]

[Phone ringing]

Mike Pence: Hello.

[Cut to screen split into two with Donald Trump and Mike Pence.]

Donald Trump: Big Mike, how is church going? You’re still waiting on, what’s this face, to come back?

Mike Pence: You mean Jesus sir?

Donald Trump: Yes, that’s the guy. Listen, I’m just calling you about this whole Ukraine whistle blower thing. It’s looking pretty bad for you.

Mike Pence: For me? But you’re the one who broke the law.

Donald Trump: Hey, wait a minute. Don’t try to drag me into your mess. Hold on Mike, I’m getting a call from the boys. [Cut to screen split into two with Donald Trump on left and Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. on the right.] Hello.

Donald Trump Jr.: Dad. It’s your sons.

Eric Trump: And Eric.

Donald Trump Jr.: Dad. I just can’t believe the lame stream media is focused on you and not on the corruption of Joe Biden’s son.

Donald Trump: I know. By the way did you take care of that thing in Russia for me.

Donald Trump Jr.: [Laughing] What thing in Russia?

Eric Trump: [Laughing] The treason!

Donald Trump Jr.: Eric!

[Call waiting beeps]

Donald Trump: Hang on boys I’m getting a very important call from the Chairman.

[Cut to screen into two with Donald Trump and Kim Chairman Kim-Jong Un.]

Chairman Kim.

Kim-Jong Un:  What’s up?

Donald Trump: Thanks for getting back to me. I need some advice. How do you handle a whistle blower?

Kim-Jong Un:  Oh that’s easy. You have a big ocean in your country.

Donald Trump: Yes.

Kim-Jong Un: Okay. Send whistle blower to the bottom of them.

Donald Trump: Oh, wow. I wish my country was as cool as your country. [Phone ringing] Hang on hang on I got to take this.

[Cut to screen split into two with Donald Trump and Kanye West.]

Kanye, how have you been my man?

Kanye West: A lot better bro, actually. Remember those pills I were supposed to take. Hah? It turns out I’m supposed to take them every day. Can you believe that?
Donald Trump: That’s good. That’s good.

Kanye West: But actually, the reason I’m calling you because I don’t think we can be fam no more, fam.

Donald Trump: What? Why not?

Don King: Give me that phone. [Don King walks into Kanye] Only in America.

Donald Trump: Don King. Oh, don’t tell me you dudes are partying without me. Is Rodman there? And Tyson too?

Don King: Yeah. We were just having an emergency meeting at the black market. And, we all decided that this whole impeachment thing is hurting our brand.

Donald Trump: Oh don’t bail on me now. I need my Urban’s. Kanye, just tell me who you want out of jail this time. ASAP Rocky again? Or how about that little girl Teriyaki 69?

Kanye West: Look fam, we gotta go say goodbye to douche bag.

Don King: Yeah, Terrence Howard is up on the roof with an umbrella trying to prove that gravity don’t exist. Only in America.

[Cut to Donald trump]

Donald Trump: Wait. This whistle blower is starting to ruin everything for me. [Phone ringing] Hello.

[Cut to screen split into two with Donald Trump and Jeanine Pirro.]

Jeanine Pirro: We’re tugged!

Donald Trump: Hey, Judge Jeanine. Things are not going so great. I’m really feeling down, I could really use a pep talk.

Jeanine Pirro: Well, Mr. President, you have come to the right place. Who’s my special beautiful boy?

Donald Trump: I am

Jeanine Pirro: Who makes every woman’s eyes pop out of her skull and go, “Oh God”?

Donald Trump: I do.

Jeanine Pirro: Damn right you do cause you’ve got dumbs like a truck, truck. And thighs like what, what?

Donald Trump: Thanks. I really needed that this whistle blower thing is just– it just won’t go away.

Jeanine Pirro: Well if you really want someone to go away, you know who to call.

Donald Trump: Right, that’s genius. [Cut to Donald Trump] I’ll call him right now.

[Cut to screen split into to with Donald Trump and Liev Schreiber.]

Liev Schreiber: Hello.

Donald Trump: Yes. Is this Ray Donovan?

Liev Schreiber: Excuse me?

Donald Trump: Ray Donovan the fixer. The guy who takes care of stuff. Wink wink.

Liev Schreiber: I told you Mr. President. Ray Donovan is a fictional character. I’m Liev Schreiber, the actor.

Donald Trump: Of course, right. I knew that. But if you can’t do it, can you connect me with John Wick?

Liev Schreiber: He’s fake. He’s fake too Mr. President.

Donald Trump: What about Liam Neeson?

Liev Schreiber: Oh, actually Liam might do it.

Donald Trump: Fine. That’s good. I’ll get him, problem solved. And live New York it’s Saturday Night.

Trump Press Conference Cold Open | Season 44 Episode 13

Donald Trump… Alec Baldwin

William Barr… Beck Bennett

Cecily Strong

Mikey Day

Kyle Mooney

[Starts with press waiting for Donald Trump for his message]

Narrator: And now, a message from the president of the United States.

[Cut to Donald Trump walking up to lectern]

Donald Trump: Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. I’m here to declare a very urgent important national emergency. This is a big one so I don’t want to waste any time. That’s why first I would like to blow my own horn a little bit. I just had a great health exam. I’m still standing 6’7”, 185 pounds, shredded.

Also, we have another summit coming up in Hanoi with the North Korean leader, Chairman Kim, who by the way is very cool, misunderstood guy. I’m looking forward to seeing him next week. It is dinner for smugs as he calls.

Let’s cut to the chase folks. We need wall. Okay? We have tremendous amount of drugs flowing into this country from the southern border or the brown line as many people have asked me not to call it. That’s why we need wall. Because wall works. Wall makes safe. You don’t have to be smart to understand that, in fact it’s even easier to understand if you are not. You can see why I got to fake this national emergency run. I have to because I want to. It’s really simple.

We have a problem. Drugs are coming into this country through no wall. I asked President Xi if they had a drug problem in China. I’m not going to do the voice, but he said, “No, no, no. Me no like drugs. Me like death penalty.” It would have sounded better with the voice I think I must say. But imagine if we used the death penalty for nonviolent crimes here. You shot the [Hand gesturing as shooting guns] ‘bing-bing’ two in the back of the head. Just something to kick around.

I’m basically taking military money so I can have wall. I’m going to sign these papers for emergency and I will immediately be sued and it will not go in my favor and end up in the supreme court and call my buddy, Kavanaugh and I will say, “It’s under the pay of Donny”, and I’ll say “New phone, who dis?” And the Mueller report will be released, crumbling my house of cards and I can pled instantly and do a few months in the factory. And my personal hell of playing president will finally be over.

I should probably take a few soft ball questions right now. Who do we got here? Oh, NBC has their hand up, but they suck, so not them. ABC sucks too, but they have Agency Of Shield. We love the Shield though. So I guess I will start with you. Go ahead.

[Cut to press reporters. Cecily Strong is standing.]

Cecily Strong: Mr. President, do you feel like enough progress has been made in the talks with China to end the increase of tariffs by March 1st?

[Cut to Donald Trump]

Donald Trump: Look, you are asking the wrong guy. I friggin’ love tariffs. Not as much as wall, but I do love them. I know we will strike a big, big deal with China and no matter how awesome it is, it will be awesome. Chuck Schumer is going to say, and I will not do the voice, he will say something like “Oy Vay”. You know what? I’m going to do the voice. “Oy Vay, what do you mean, me suge that”. That’s just the kind of dirty, ugly, vicious  toilet bowl politics they wanted me to do. Yes you, where are you from?

[Cut to press reporters. Mikey Day is standing.]

Mikey Day: Playboy magazine.

[Cut to Donald Trump]

Donald Trump: Sweet, sweet, sweet. Many nights in the Grot Oh, am I right?

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: Okay. Numbers from your own border patrol say that illegal immigration is actually down.

[Cut to Donald Trump]

Donald Trump: No, sit down. I don’t like that question. Sit down.

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: I didn’t ask my question yet.

[Cut to Donald Trump]

Donald Trump: Look, I just found out my campaign manager is going to die in prison, Okay? So, take it easy on me, will you?

[Cut to Mikey Day]

Mikey Day: I’m not going to sit until you answer m question.

Donald Trump: Sit down or I’m switching back to hustler. Look, before I take the question, I want to swerve way the heal out of my own way and point out that Attorney General William Barr, please stand up. [Cut to William Barr standing] Congratulations. This guy is going to do [Cut to Donald Trump] such a great job, but still he’s working for me, so I give him three months, tops. Dead man walking right there. [Cut to William Barr. He is scared] Next question. [Cut to Donald Trump]  Let’s do a girl one. You.

[Cut to press reporters. Heidi Gardner is standing.]

Heidi Gardner: Wow. Very cool In your remarks today, you said you were too new to politics earlier in your administration. Is that an admission that you are in fact just kind of winging it?

[Cut to Donald Trump]

Donald Trump: Come on, Doll. I’m learning. Let’s not forget, technically this is my first real job, okay? I remember when Obama explained president to me in the oval office, and won’t do the voice because I lost a bunch of you with the Schumer Impersonation, but I thought Obama was joking. Had I known then what I know now, I would have told Putin to give the job to Hillary instead. Next question.

[Cut to press reporters. Kyle Mooney is standing.]

Kyle Mooney: Mr. President, Jim Acosta, CNN.

[Cut to Donald Trump]

Donald Trump: Oh, seriously man? How do you keep getting in this room. I would love to build a wall around Jim.

[Cut to Kyle Mooney]

Kyle Mooney: There is numbers showing undocumented immigrants committing crimes at much lower numbers than native born Americans.

Donald Trump: Oh my god, Jim. Those numbers are faker than this emergency. Look folks, we need major immigration reform, translation, wall. Do you know that right now we have something called chain migration? It says any bad person or gangster or wisenheimer can come in this country with 27 or 47 or Barr, give me a number.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: 91?

Donald Trump: 91. [Cut to Donald Trump] I’m told as many as 91 of their family members. I’m talking ‘abuelas’ and ‘bebes’ unless you give me wall. Now iF that doesn’t scare the crap out of the old white people, I don’t know what will. Anyway, in conclusion, this is a total emergency. A five-alarm blaze, which means I need to go to Mar A Lago to play some golf. And live from New York, it’s Saturday night.

Mueller Report Cold Open | Season 44 Episode 16

Robert Mueller… Robert De Niro

William Barr… Aidy Bryant

President Trump… Alec Baldwin

Rudy Giuliani… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with written video clip of the narrator]

Narrator: And now, Robert Mueller finishes his report, William Barr summarizes the report, and Donald Trump tweets his reaction to the summary.

[Cut to Robert Mueller on his desk reading his report]

Robert Mueller: Dear Attorney General Barr, officials from the Justice Department and esteemed members of Congress.

[Cut to William Barr summarizing the report]

William Barr: Hey, guys, William Barr here. You might want to sit down for this one.

[Cut to President Trump tweeting on his mobile phone in his office]

President Trump: Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? Daddy is about to freak.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: I am submitting these 380 pages—

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: I am writing almost four pages.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: I am reading zero pages. But Sean Hannity has read it and he was so excited that he texted me an eggplant.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: On the charge of obstruction of justice, we have not drawn a definitive conclusion.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: But I have. And my conclusion is Trump’s clean as a whistle.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: Free at last, free at last!

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: As for conspiracy or collusion, there were several questionable incidents involving the president’s team but we cannot prove a criminal connection.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: No collusion, no diggedy, no bad.

[Cut to President Trump blowing celebration horn]

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: However, we have indicted 34 individuals in connection with this probe.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Most of them very good people.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: The pardons are already in the mail.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: I’ve included hundreds of pages of evidence.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Most of it provided on live television by the president himself.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: Russia, if you’re watching, go to bed. Daddy won.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: And I should remind everyone there’s still several ongoing investigations.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: One or two tiny investigations.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: And they’re investigations into democrats, TV shows that have been mean to me ad Puerto Rico. That’s right, I want my paper towels back, amigos.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: Somebody with the Trump team might have met with Russians at some point.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Somebody distantly associated with Trump might have done something weird.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: ♪Somebody wants told me the world was go to roll me I am the sharpest tool in the shed. ♪

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: In conclusion it is my hope this report will be made public with a few [Cut to William Barr]

redaction.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Hello, redactions!

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: We’re going to block out everything except the words no and collusion.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: Overall there is an abundance of circumstantial evidence.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: But no concrete evidence.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump:  If you shoot at the devil, you best not miss.

[[Rudy Giuliani comes up and joins President Trump]

Rudy Giuliani: Did somebody say devil?

President Trump: Rudy, can you believe it, we got off Scott free.

Rudy Giuliani: I know, I know. I guess I was a legal genius the whole time. And all of my mid games worked. If you want to know what my mind games were, you have to ask the family of goblins who lives in my head and opens my eyes.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: After two long years out investigation with Russia interference in the election is finally over.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Y’all can turn off your Huff-Po Amber alerts. It’s time for the country to heal and most past this.

[Cut to President Trump and Rudi Giuliani]

President Trump: This is the only thing I will talk about for the next four years. Vengeance will be mine.

Rudy Giuliani: And I will take the firstborn child of every democrat unless they can guess that my name is Rumple Stiltson.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: Sincerely, Robert S. Mueller.

[Cut to William Barr]

William Barr: Your’s truly, the guy who’s been here a month, William Barr.

[Cut to President Trump]

President Trump: Sincerely, president invincible #tenmoreyears, #fdrbutwithlegs.

[Cut to Rudi Giuliani]

Rudy Giuliani: Yours in eternal darkness, Rudy Giuliani. I was booed at a Yankee’s game.

[Cut to Robert Mueller]

Robert Mueller: P.S. can’t wait to see what the southern district of New York has in store for Trump.

[Everyone joins Robert Mueller]

President Trump: What now?

Everyone: And live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.