Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of ‘A Day Without Woman’ march logo at right top corner.]
Michael Che: This Wednesday was a day without a woman, sponsored by Jergens Lotion.[Cut to Jergens lotion ad video bumper. There’s a bottle of Jergens and a box of napkins.]
Male voice: Jergens, you know what it’s for.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Jenifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: It was reported that Jennifer Lopez is now dating Alex Rodriguez. J. Lo and A-Rod go by the cool celebrity couple name of, you guessed it, Atlennifex Lodripez.[Picture changes to Florida state map]
For second year in a row, the happiest city in the country is Naples, Florida. While the least happy city is once again, Puppy Funeral, Minnesota.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of calendar marked on the second week of March at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Last week was world orphan week. To you orphans out there, better luck next year.[Picture changes to O.J. Simpson]
O.J. Simpson could be released from prison as soon as this fall. And, ladies, he’s single.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of WAFFLE HOUSE logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: The co-founder of the Waffle House passed away this week at the age of 97. He died the way so many Waffle House patrols have– a knife fight in the parking lot.