Elizabeth Banks
Richie… Beck Bennett
Sasheer Zamata
Ben… Jay Pharoah
Mom… Leslie Jones
Black Jesus… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with Ben Carson’s Book and the newspaper articles]
Male voice: The media went after him pretty hard even though he’s one of the most accomplished doctors in all the land. A true American success story. But I knew him before all that. Back when he was just another brother from the streets of Detroit. Back when he was young Ben Carson.
[Screen showing “The Adventures of Young Ben Carson”.]
Adapted from the stories of Dr. Ben Carson.
[Cut to Detroit in 1968. Elizabeth, Richie and Sasheer are talking in the street.]
Elizabeth: And he thought Richie would back down.
Richie: Yeah. So I told him, “Don’t listen to me. [showing his handgun] Listen to my two friends. Smith and Wessen.
Elizabeth: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Sasheer: You think that’s bad. You ought to meet my boyfriend Ben.
[Ben walks in]
Ben: Did somebody say my name?
Richie: Ben?
Ben: Yeah, what are you doing in this neighborhood? Like a Muslin in the White House, you don’t belong.
[Cut to Elizabeth and Richie]
Elizabeth: Wait, what?
Richie: [fake laughing] You’re out there Ben, you’re crazy, man!
[Cut to Sasheer and Ben. Sasheer looks worried.]
Ben: Excuse me? What did you say about me?
Sasheer: Ben, don’t. Your temper. He’s mad now!
[Cut to Elizabeth and Richie]
Elizabeth: Really? He’s angry?
[Cut to Sasheer and Ben.]
Really?
Ben: [speaks calmly] I am hot with rage. And right now, I’m about to go off. I feel like I might have to cut you.
[Ben takes a knife out]
[Sasheer screams and runs away]
[Cut to Ben, Elizabeth and Richie]
Here comes with the quickness.
[Ben is moving slowly towards Richie]
Elizabeth: Quick! Stick out your belt.
[Ben hits Richie’s belt buckle with his knife and drops it]
Ben: Ah, man! Blocked by a belt buckle. This happens all the time.
[Mom walks in]
Mom: Ben, what are you dong?
Ben: Oh, my ma. We were just playing.
Mom: Get off these streets and back in the library. You’re going to ruin your future and end up in jail.
Ben: I can’t go to prison, my ma. People go to prison straight and come out gay. I’m not ready to be gay.
Mom: That don’t make no sense, Ben. And open your damn eyes.
Ben: Oh, my eyes are open, my ma. Wide and full of rage. Now it’s time to open your’s.
[Ben fetches a hammer]
Mom: Oh, damn! He got a hammer!
Elizabeth: Quick, put this belt on your head.
[Elizabeth puts a belt on Mom’s forehead.]
[Ben is about to hit Mom]
Male speaker: Halt!
[Ben looks around to see who it is]
Ben: Who is that?
[Cut to Black Jesus walking in. He is walking on smoke and wearing a white robe.]
Black Jesus: It’s me, black Jesus.
[Cut to Ben]
Ben: Amazing.
[Cut to Ben and Black Jesus]
Black Jesus: Open your eyes, my son. Why are you out here on the streets acting like a fool? You know I created humans like you to be the most evolved species.
Ben: But evolution isn’t real or we’d have the fossils to prove it. And those fossils don’t exist.
Black Jesus: Not so sure about that. But you still need to act right. You have a higher purpose, Ben. Someday, you’ll save hundreds of lives. Inspire thousands of kids, and make millions of people say, “How did he get up there?”
Ben: But black Jesus, I don’t have any friends. Will you be my friend?
Black Jesus: I guess.
Ben: Fantastic. Let’s go get our portraits painted together.
Black Jesus: Well sure, as long as you put it up in your house.
Ben: Alright.
[Cut to a picture of Jesus and Ben Carson doing high-five. Their bodies are drawn like in kid’s school.]
Black Jesus: And we were friends. Best friends. We went to Yale together. We separated twins together. We went to Egypt and saw the ancient grain silo. [Picture has Ben and Mom, and there are pyramids behind them.] That’s a lot of grain.
[Cut to Ben and Black Jesus]
Ben: Everything black Jesus said came true. I became respected surgeon and a multi-millionaire all in America that today is very like Nazi Germany.
[Black Jesus clears his throat]
Black Jesus: Oh, Ben. You crazy. Haha.
Ben: [looking disappointed] What did you say about me?
[Ben pulls his knife out]
Black Jesus: You gonna cut Jesus?
[Cut to The Adventures of Young Ben Carson outro]
[The End]