Weekend Update LEGOs Titanic Set and YouTube Removes R Kellys Channels

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Harry Styles at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Harry Styles revealed that his 2019 song “Watermelon Sugar” is about the female orgasm. He also revealed the full title of the song is “Watermelon Sugar (is a myth)”.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of marijuana leaves at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Clint Eastwood was awarded $6 million in a lawsuit against a company that illegally used his image to sell their cannabis products, because nothing says ‘relaxed and stress free’ like Clint Eastwood’s face.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a statue of George Floyd at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A statue of George Floyd on display in New York city park was defaced for the second time. Police are searching for the suspect and are planning to serve him with a job application.

[Cut to Colin Jost. Theres a picture of Florida map at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: Florida police discovered a meth lab on the 15th floor of a luxury condo building which in Florida is something they list in the brochure. [Picture changes to a brochure of a building that features a pool, a gym and a meth lab.] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of caduceus symbol at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Doctors are saying that a man who came in to an emergency room complaining about chest pain had a 10 cm chunk of cement lodged in his heart. Anyways, he’s dead.

[Picture changes to a map of Germany]

A 96 year old German woman who was a secretary at a Nazi concentration camp has been released from detention. She’s now safely in a custody of her grandson. [Picture changes to Colin Jost] [Cut to Colin Jost laughing. There’s a picture of toy box at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: And grandma, if you’re watching, go to bed. LEGO has announced the release of its largest set ever, a 9,000 piece replica of the Titanic. Unfortunately, hundreds of those pieces are just frozen Irishmen.

Bailey Gismert YouTube Channel

Bailey… Heidi Gardner

[Starts with Bailey At the movies intro] [Cut to Bailey in her home at her YouTube set.]

Bailey: Hey, what’s up? It’s me, Bailey Gismert. Welcome to my YouTube show “Bailey At the Movies.” As you guys know, I’m currently quarantined. By choice. Not coz I, like, have corona or whatever. But yeah, mostly because like, my parents, they’re being awkward. They’re like, don’t that like, push-up challenge. And my dad has a V now. So, I’m like, staying in my room. So, because of social–

[door knocking]

Mom! I’m doing a video. Okay, well then, slide the bacon under my door, please. Thank you.

Moving on. So, because of social distancing, movies like Mulan delayed their release. And I was like, okay, so you guys think Mulan has COVID? Because she’s Chinese? Like, that’s racism. It is.

Okay, but, some movies went straight to on demand which is what I watched.

So, the first movie that I saw was “The Hunt.” [showing a sticker note with “The Hunt” written on it.] Can you guys see that? OKay, so… I don’t know. “The Hunt” was like awkward. Okay, sorry, but like, a new movie is premiering on the Samsung in the den?

Like, that’s awkward! We had to pause in the middle because my dog ate a grape. So, yeah, the suspense? Nada.

Okay, so the next movie I saw was “Emma.” And, I don’t know, at first I was like, Olden Times? That’s awkward. But I don’t know. It was like, even though they had bonnets on, it was modern. Like, you could tell they were aware that #MeToo had happened even though it hadn’t. I don’t know. The only thing I was awkward about it was like, Emma definitely stole a lot form “Clueless.”

And then, I watched “Invisible Man.” And I don’t know. Like, I thought it was cute. Okay, no. You guys stop. I do not like the invisible man. Stop. It’s just like– yeah. He’s aloof, he’s mysterious, he’s got this energy of a guy with a good body. But it’s not that. It’s like– [sobbing] I feel invisible right now. Like, sorry, but like, I do. Between the virus, and like, father-daughter dance being cancelled, which by the way, my dad still wants to do. But like, we have to like, still do online classes. And I like, totally saw my AP-chem teacher just sleep on the mattress floor. And like, on top of all that, my mom has been like, trying on my bathing suit and posting pics.

[showing her mother’s picture on Instagram]

So… Oh, cool. And my guys friends just commented. Perfect!

Speaking of comments, if you guys liked the video that you just watched, like and subscribe below. And I don’t know, like, happy quarantine I guess? I don’t know. See you guys. Oh, and Louis C.K. special was actually very funny. Download.