Undercover Boss

Kylo Ren… Adan Driver

Zack… Taran Killam

Bobby Moynihan

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Undercover Boss intro]

Male voice: Each week, we follow the boss of a major organization as they go undercover to find out what’s really going on in their company. This is Undercover Boss. Star Killer Base.

[Cut to Star Wars scene]

Kylo Ren is the commander of the First Order, a massive regime dedicated to wiping out the galactic resistance. This week, Kylo is going undercover among the Star Killer Base personnel as Matt, a radar technician.

[Cut to Kylo Ren]

Kylo Ren narrating: You get so caught up in restoring the galaxy to it’s rightful state that you miss what’s going on behind the scene. I’m looking forward to having some real talk with some real folks.

Female voice: We’ve put hidden cameras in employee common area and no one has any idea that Matt is their boss, Kylo Ren.

[Kylo Ren walks in the employee lunch area]

Kylo Ren: Hi. I’m Matt. I’m a radar technician.

[Cut to Kylo Ren sitting with other employees]

You guys like working here?

Zack: You know, work is work.

Kylo Ren: Yeah. Totally. What do you think of Kylo Ren? Do you guys believe when he says he’s gonna finish what Darth Vader started?

Bobby: What exactly has he started?

Zack: You know, I will say this for Kylo. I think he gets a bad rap. He’s trying to accomplish something that has never been done in the history of the galaxy. You know. Rule everything? That’s impressive. I admire the guy.

Kylo Ren: Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[Cut to Leslie teaching Kylo Ren to do some technician stuff.]

Leslie: Okay, okay. It’s real easy. All you gotta do is rewire the calcinator.

Kylo Ren: So, remove this?

Leslie: Does that look like the calcinator? What’s wrong with you? Why is it so hard for you to understand?

Kylo Ren: I don’t know. But can you please stop yelling me? You’re starting to stress me out.

Kylo Ren narrating: I have a new found respect for what my employees do.

Leslie: Okay, now can we rewire it please? So I can go have my muffin? I haven’t had my muffin yet, Matt.

Kylo Ren narrating: It’s not as easy as I presumed.

[A storm-trooper walks and bullies Kylo Ren]

Storm-trooper: Wad up, Matt? [kicking his tools]

Kylo Ren: Hey, you kicked my wrench! Jerk face!

[Cut to Kylo Ren walking in with his lightsaber.]

Look, I found Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Look, it’s awesome.

Bobby: It’s nothing but dangerous, man! Poorly made like a little kid made it.

Kylo Ren: Then you don’t have to look at it anymore.

[Kylo Ren throws the lightsaber away] [Cut to Zack]

Zack: I’m 90% sure Matt is Kylo Ren.

[Cut to Kylo Ren and Zack]

Yeah, this has actually been a rough year for my family. We lost our son back in April. He was in the storm-trooper program. And we’re getting by…

Kylo Ren: Wow, man… I’m sorry about that. Must be hard.

Kylo Ren narrating: Hearing that Zack lost his son really struck in nerve with me. Especially since I’m the one who killed him.

[Cut to Kylo Ren walks to Zack]

Kylo Ren: Hey, I ran into Kylo Ren in the bathroom. He told me to give you this.

[hands him a card]

Zack: After the rain comes the rainbow. [reading the written note] Sorry, I killed your son, Kylo.

Kylo Ren narrating: [showing a picture of storm-troopers with ‘Team Work’ written on it] This means something to me now.

[Cut to Kylo Ren, Zack and Bobby at the dining hall]

Kylo Ren: A buddy of mine saw Kylo Ren take his shirt off in the shower and he said that Kylo Ren had an 8-pack. That Kylo Ren was shredded.

Bobby: What? Your friend is a liar. Kylo Ren is a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weighs 30 pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.

[Kylo Ren is staring at Bobby and Bobby starts choking]

Zack: Jim? Jim?

Kylo Ren: Oh, no, he’s choking on food. [looking at Bobby] I know what’s in your mind, and it is stupid.

[Kylo Ren throws Bobby away just by gesturing] [Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Dude, Matt straight up sucks!

[Kylo Ren walking in the dining hall]

Kylo Ren: I have a bombshell announcement to make, guys. I’m not Matt. I am–

Zack: Kylo Ren.

Bobby: Kylo Ren. You’re Kylo Ren. We know. I knew when you threw me through the soda machine.

Zack: I knew from, “Hi, I’m Matt.”

Kylo Ren: We really connected today. I’m promoting you to superior officer.

Zack: Thank you sir!

[Cut to Kylo Ren in his suit]

Kylo Ren narrating: I had a blast today. I really learned a lot and people are gonna love the new me.

[Kylo Ren leaves. Behind him was Zack lying dead.] [The End]