Try Guys

Laura Fields… Ego Nwodim

Colin O’Doherty… Brendan Gleeson

Eugene Yang… Eugene

Zack day… Zack

Keith Dismukes… Keith

[Starts with CNN TODAY intro]

Laura Fields: Welcome to CNN today. I’m Laura Fields. Let’s go right to the White House with our very own Colin O’Doherty. Colin?

Colin O’Doherty: Thanks, Laura. President Biden just reiterated his steadfast support for Ukraine after last night. I’m sorry, I’m just hearing.

Laura Fields: Colin. Colin is everything okay?

Colin O’Doherty: And that’s confirmed. Okay. Yes. Sorry, Laura. I’m getting breaking news that the Try Guys have now in fact responded to the whole Ned Fulmer situation. Wow.

Laura Fields: I’m sorry, what?

Colin O’Doherty: Well, it’s obviously an evolving story but CNN can confirm that the Try Guys have released their official YouTube video clapping back at ex-Try Guy Ned Fulmer, the wife guy try guy. He disrespected the brand by making out with one of the food babies at the Harry Styles concert. It’s a sad day indeed. Colin O’Doherty, the White House.

Laura Fields: I’m going to be honest, Colin, I don’t know what any of that is. What in the world is a Try Guy?

Colin O’Doherty: Laura, how do you not know the Try Guys? Oh. They’re BuzzFeed pranksters who try stuff. Like trying fingernail polish or weird hair cuts. Hell, they’ve even tried eating bugs.

Laura Fields: Gotcha. Back to President Biden. Russia’s escalating threats to the west with a tax plan—

Colin O’Doherty: Sorry to interrupt, Laura. This is unbelievable. I’m told we actually have the three remaining Try Guys on the line. Ready to talk? Are you there, Try Guys?

[Cut to Try Guys] [cheers and applause]

Keith: Hello.

Eugene: Hello.

Zack: Hi.

Colin O’Doherty: Wow, first off, Eugene, Zack, Keith. It’s an honor.

Eugene: Thank you. This is— Yeah, it’s just surreal. There’s a lot of anger on this couch.

Laura Fields: Okay, welcome, Try Guys. I’m trying to understand why this story is such a scandal. Was this affair non consensual?

Zack: No. Worse. He committed the heinous act of having a consensual kiss and not telling us, his friends.

Laura Fields: I’m sorry. Why is that heinous?

Colin O’Doherty: Well, you have to remember the power dynamics, Laura. He’s a Try Guy and she’s a food baby.

Laura Fields: Right, right, right. Yeah, you’ve said that. So what now?

Keith: Well, we’ve conducted an internal review with a team of HR professionals and are no longer working with white guy wife guy try guy Ned. I don’t know what else to say. He has to pay.

Laura Fields: Okay. Wow. So the full story is that your friend had a side chick and you fired him?

Eugene: Yes, we had no choice. And we hope he has somewhere on his back with a bullet in his brain and belly.

Laura Fields: Walk. Is that a bit extreme?

Colin O’Doherty: No. Well, you have to remember Laura. You have to remember Laura, the side chick was the food baby.

Laura Fields: Yeah. You keep saying that. What is a food baby?

Colin O’Doherty: Food babies is a spin off food show on the Try Guy’s channel, you idiot.

Laura Fields: Okay, stop. Turning back to the actual news. Iran is on the cusp of a new cultural revolution being—

Keith: Cut back to us.

Laura Fields: No.

Keith: Due to the trauma we are facing, our editors are working around the clock to remove any trace of Ned from past Try Guys content. This is the battle of our lives.

Laura Fields: Bro, Jay Z cheated on Beyonce. It’s gonna be okay.

Eugene: Cut back to us. Look at me. This is the face of grief.

Laura Fields: No, it’s not.

Eugene: It is though. And just FYI, we are still going to be releasing some previously filmed branded videos. So yeah, you might see Ned in sweet green presents the Try Guys try salad with bugs on top.

Zack: And it will still be amazeballs, but it will also be sad balls. We’re all processing this horrific, violent and probably racist tragedy.

Laura Fields: Can you come back to me please

Keith: No. Stay with us. Hear this America, we will never stop bringing you the same Try Guys adventures.

Eugene: I will still be trying super weird Cambodian food. Zack will still be trying super weird Malaysian food. And Keith is still going to try wearing a thong for a week because it’s our duty.

Zack: Okay, this is too traumatic. This interview is over. Please.

Colin O’Doherty: Thank you for your bravery, Try Guys. Know that the country is with you. What’s today’s date? Whatever it is, never forget. For CNN, I’m  Colin O’Doherty.

Laura Fields: And they’re millionaires. Okay. I’m gonna go see what ketamine is all about. This has been CNN today. Good night.

[Ends with CNN TODAY outro]

Undercover Boss

Kylo Ren… Adan Driver

Zack… Taran Killam

Bobby Moynihan

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Undercover Boss intro]

Male voice: Each week, we follow the boss of a major organization as they go undercover to find out what’s really going on in their company. This is Undercover Boss. Star Killer Base.

[Cut to Star Wars scene]

Kylo Ren is the commander of the First Order, a massive regime dedicated to wiping out the galactic resistance. This week, Kylo is going undercover among the Star Killer Base personnel as Matt, a radar technician.

[Cut to Kylo Ren]

Kylo Ren narrating: You get so caught up in restoring the galaxy to it’s rightful state that you miss what’s going on behind the scene. I’m looking forward to having some real talk with some real folks.

Female voice: We’ve put hidden cameras in employee common area and no one has any idea that Matt is their boss, Kylo Ren.

[Kylo Ren walks in the employee lunch area]

Kylo Ren: Hi. I’m Matt. I’m a radar technician.

[Cut to Kylo Ren sitting with other employees]

You guys like working here?

Zack: You know, work is work.

Kylo Ren: Yeah. Totally. What do you think of Kylo Ren? Do you guys believe when he says he’s gonna finish what Darth Vader started?

Bobby: What exactly has he started?

Zack: You know, I will say this for Kylo. I think he gets a bad rap. He’s trying to accomplish something that has never been done in the history of the galaxy. You know. Rule everything? That’s impressive. I admire the guy.

Kylo Ren: Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[Cut to Leslie teaching Kylo Ren to do some technician stuff.]

Leslie: Okay, okay. It’s real easy. All you gotta do is rewire the calcinator.

Kylo Ren: So, remove this?

Leslie: Does that look like the calcinator? What’s wrong with you? Why is it so hard for you to understand?

Kylo Ren: I don’t know. But can you please stop yelling me? You’re starting to stress me out.

Kylo Ren narrating: I have a new found respect for what my employees do.

Leslie: Okay, now can we rewire it please? So I can go have my muffin? I haven’t had my muffin yet, Matt.

Kylo Ren narrating: It’s not as easy as I presumed.

[A storm-trooper walks and bullies Kylo Ren]

Storm-trooper: Wad up, Matt? [kicking his tools]

Kylo Ren: Hey, you kicked my wrench! Jerk face!

[Cut to Kylo Ren walking in with his lightsaber.]

Look, I found Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. Look, it’s awesome.

Bobby: It’s nothing but dangerous, man! Poorly made like a little kid made it.

Kylo Ren: Then you don’t have to look at it anymore.

[Kylo Ren throws the lightsaber away] [Cut to Zack]

Zack: I’m 90% sure Matt is Kylo Ren.

[Cut to Kylo Ren and Zack]

Yeah, this has actually been a rough year for my family. We lost our son back in April. He was in the storm-trooper program. And we’re getting by…

Kylo Ren: Wow, man… I’m sorry about that. Must be hard.

Kylo Ren narrating: Hearing that Zack lost his son really struck in nerve with me. Especially since I’m the one who killed him.

[Cut to Kylo Ren walks to Zack]

Kylo Ren: Hey, I ran into Kylo Ren in the bathroom. He told me to give you this.

[hands him a card]

Zack: After the rain comes the rainbow. [reading the written note] Sorry, I killed your son, Kylo.

Kylo Ren narrating: [showing a picture of storm-troopers with ‘Team Work’ written on it] This means something to me now.

[Cut to Kylo Ren, Zack and Bobby at the dining hall]

Kylo Ren: A buddy of mine saw Kylo Ren take his shirt off in the shower and he said that Kylo Ren had an 8-pack. That Kylo Ren was shredded.

Bobby: What? Your friend is a liar. Kylo Ren is a punk bitch. That guy looks like he weighs 30 pounds soaking wet underneath that little black dress.

[Kylo Ren is staring at Bobby and Bobby starts choking]

Zack: Jim? Jim?

Kylo Ren: Oh, no, he’s choking on food. [looking at Bobby] I know what’s in your mind, and it is stupid.

[Kylo Ren throws Bobby away just by gesturing] [Cut to Bobby]

Bobby: Dude, Matt straight up sucks!

[Kylo Ren walking in the dining hall]

Kylo Ren: I have a bombshell announcement to make, guys. I’m not Matt. I am–

Zack: Kylo Ren.

Bobby: Kylo Ren. You’re Kylo Ren. We know. I knew when you threw me through the soda machine.

Zack: I knew from, “Hi, I’m Matt.”

Kylo Ren: We really connected today. I’m promoting you to superior officer.

Zack: Thank you sir!

[Cut to Kylo Ren in his suit]

Kylo Ren narrating: I had a blast today. I really learned a lot and people are gonna love the new me.

[Kylo Ren leaves. Behind him was Zack lying dead.] [The End]