Mark… Mikey Day

Frank Thomas… Kenan Thompson

Doug Flutie… Kyle Mooney

William Defoe

[Starts with a guy playing golf video game. Frank Thomas walks in.]

Mark: Whoa! Frank Thomas?

Frank Thomas: That’s me. What’s your name?

Mark: I’m Mark. I’m a huge fan.

Frank Thomas: I get that a lot.

Mark: Well, I don’t want to bother you. But you look great.

Frank Thomas: Well, in my age, I try to stay in the gym as much as possible.

Mark: I hear you. But once I turned William Defoe0…

Frank Thomas:  Let me get this energy? Put on a few pounds?

Mark:  You said it.

Frank Thomas: Lower drive? Can’t get hard anymore?

Mark: Well, lower drive.

Frank Thomas: It’s not your fault. It happens to every man. Testosterone levels drop as you age. That’s why you can’t get hard anymore.

Mark: I didn’t say that. [Doug Flutie walks in] Holy crap! Doug Flutie.

Doug Flutie: Yes.

Frank Thomas: Mark You just turned William Defoe0.

Doug Flutie: Let me guess you can’t get hard anymore.

Frank Thomas: Bingo.

Mark: No. I never said that.

Doug Flutie: It’s okay. It happens to every man.

Mark: Right. I can still get hard.

Frank Thomas: Sure you can, Mark. You just need a little boost. We all do, to get hard.

Mark: No, seriously. Guys, I’m actually fine down there.

Doug Flutie: You don’t have to lie to us, Mark. It’s okay. See, as you get older–

Mark: Testosterone levels drop. Yeah, I know. He already said it.

[William Defoe walks in]

William Defoe: What are you guys talking about?

Mark: Oh my god, Sir William Defoe.

William Defoe: Sir Willem? I’m not even British.

Mark: Oh, why did I think you were British?

William Defoe: I don’t know, man.

Doug Flutie: This is Mark. He came up to us and told us he couldn’t get hard anymore.

Mark: Stop saying that.

William Defoe: Let me guess you just turn the big three-O.

Mark: Thirty?

William Defoe: It happens every man. Especially me.

Mark: I’m sorry. How do you guys all know each other?

Doug Flutie: From boner stuff. We met at a meeting.

William Defoe: Yeah, we all have the same problems as you.

Mark: Okay. I want to say again, for the record, I can still get very hard.

William Defoe: Damn right, you can. Now, with Nugenix.

Mark: Nugenix? What’s Nugenix?

Frank Thomas: Oh, so now you’re interested. Huh?

William Defoe: He’s all yours now?

Mark: No, I was just asking because–

Doug Flutie: At first he was like, “No way. I can get hard all the time.”

Frank Thomas: Right? And now he’s like, “Um, what’s Nugenix?”

William Defoe: “Please tell me more, sir.”

Mark: Alright, well, it was nice meeting you guys.

Melissa: Honey. What’s taking so long?

Doug Flutie: We’re trying to help your husband get hard again.

Melissa: What? [looks at William Defoe] Oh my god, aren’t you–

William Defoe: Sir Willem Defoe. Pleasure is all mine, my lady.

Melissa: Ooh, charmer.  Even more handsome in person?

[sound of a machine engine]

Mark: What the hell is that?

William Defoe: That’s Nugenix.

Mark: What?

William Defoe: That sound. It’s me getting hard.

Melissa: I’m sorry, what?

Doug Flutie: See, when a man reaches a certain age, you can never get hard again.

William Defoe: Until now. With Nugenix.

[sound of a machine engine]

Frank Thomas: Oh, and there’s mine.

Melissa: Oh y god, it’s so loud.

[sound of a machine engine]

Doug Flutie: Right, now I’m getting hard too.

Mark: So, Nugenix is a machine?

Frank Thomas: Oh, so now he’s interested.

[sound of electric shock]

William Defoe: Ah!

Melissa: Are you okay?

William Defoe: It’s fine. It’s just your perfume smells lovely, my lady.

Mark: Okay, let’s get out of here.

[Mark and Melissa leave] [Frank Thomas, Doug Flutie and William Defoe are getting electric shock]

Male voice: Nugenix, testosterone boosting male enhancement. Try it for free. Oh, now you’re interested!

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