Heidi Gardner
Melissa Villaseñor
Andrew Dismukes
Kyle Mooney
Jeremiah… Willem Dafoe
Punkie Johnson
Kenan Thompson
[Starts with a group of employees in their office]
Heidi: Okay, gang, these are all the files for the Innotech case. We’re looking for any transactions that point to funneling of funds into improper overseas accounts.
Melissa: These files go back six years. This is gonna take all night.
Andrew: I mean, if we’re lucky.
Kyle: Guys, I’m sorry. There’s nothing we can do. But I did ask our new temp, Jeremiah, to order pizza.
Jeremiah: Done and done boss. I hope 24 biggies are enough.
Punkie: It seems like plenty, Jeremiah. Yo. And I think it’s great that you’re reentering the workforce at your age.
Jeremiah: Well, thank you ma’am. Retirement wasn’t for me. So I thought what the heck? I don’t know. I’m excited.
Heidi: Okay, well, come on everybody. Grab a box and dig in. The clock’s ticking. We might as well get started.
Andrew: Great.
[Andrew starts to play a beat with his pencil on the desk]
Punkie: Okay. Okay. Wait.
[Punkie makes clicking sounds with the stapler]
[Melissa makes tinging sound with the glass]
[Jeremiah is looking around smiling. He’s enjoying.]
Heidi: [singing] Zappada-zappada-zow
Kyle: I like that.
Heidi: Zappada-zappada-zow
Kyle: Oh yeah!
Heidi: Zappada-zappada-zow
Kyle: Oh yeah!
Heidi: Zappada-zappada-zow
Andrew: Pumpada-pumpada-pow
Kyle: In the jungle, the mighty jungle
the lion sleeps tonight
Kyle and Melissa: In the jungle, the quiet jungle
the lion sleeps tonight
[Jeremiah getting too excited throws a chair out of the window breaking the glass.]
do not eat in the jungle the quiet jungle
Heidi: Jerimiah!
Punkie: Why did you do that?
Jeremiah: I was trying to join in. I thought it would bounce off the window and make a cool sound.
Andrew: We’re 15 stories up, man. He’s gonna kill someone.
Heidi: What were you gonna do? Throw another chair every eight bar?
Jeremiah: Well, if it sounded cool, I would have.
[Kenan walks in]
Kenan: Ay, who threw a damn chair out this damn building?
Melissa: I’m sorry sir. Our temp had a little bit of a mishap.
Kenan: A mishap? Man, that chair just crushed my brand new Mercedes S class.
Jeremiah: We were signing an impromptu songs sir. Made it up on the spot. Then someone threw a chair. Do we remember who? Who did that?
Kenan: Man! You did a million dollars worth of damage.
Andrew: Sir, please. Look, I know this is bad. But it is his first day. Remember my first day? I was so nervous. I kept calling you daddy. You gave me a second chance.
Heidi: He’s got a point sir. What do you say?
Kenan: Hmm. I’m gonna regret this. But I’ll see you all here tomorrow.
[The next day]
Kenan: All right, let’s see it.
Andrew: Okay, Jeremiah. You can do this. Ready?
[They try to teach Jeremiah how to make sounds using office tools. But Jeremiah mistakenly throws the table top name plate at Heidi and she falls out of the window.]
All: Oh my god!
Kenan: No, no, it’s okay. It’s okay. She’s okay. She’s hanging on the ledge.
Jeremiah: I’ll throw another chair to help her climb out.
All: Jeremiah, no!
Kenan: Put the chair down.
Andrew: The worst temp ever!
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