Michael Che
Elmo… Chloe Fineman
[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Elmo was trending last week after clips of his feud with a pet rock named Rocco went viral. Here to comment is Elmo.
[Elmo slides in]
Elmo: Hey. Hi, everybody’s. Hello, Michael. [singing] La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, SNL, yeah!
Michael Che: Well, thank you for being here, Elmo.
Elmo: Oh, of course. SNL is my favorite. Maybe one day Elmo can host?
Michael Che: Maybe. Yeah. Now, Elmo, everybody has been talking about your beef with your friends Zoe’s pet rock, Rocco. You know, there’s all these clips of you going on crazy, unhinged rants about how Rocco’s not real.
Elmo: Okay, okay. Look. Elmo admit Elmo overreacting. And Elmo has already apologized in a long Instagram post. Elmo really can move on.
Michael Che: Well, that’s great to hear Elmo, because we were actually about to bring out a surprise guest. Ladies and gentlemen, Rocco.
[Someone bring in the Rocco (a small rock placed on a chair) on the Weekend Update table]
Elmo: What? Why does Rocco get a chair?
Michael Che: Because Rocco’s our guest, Elmo.
Elmo: Rocco? Rocco doesn’t need a chair. Rocco doesn’t even have legs. Rocco’s a rock. What is Rocco doing here?
Michael Che: Well, he was in the building getting the COVID test.
Elmo: What? How? How is Rocco getting a COVID test? Tell Elmo. Rocco doesn’t even have a nose. Rocco doesn’t even have a respiratory system.
Michael Che: Ay, look. SNL requires all visitors to get tested.
Elmo: Why is Rocco visiting SNL?
Michael Che: Oh, we wanted him to get a feel of the place before he hosts next month.
Elmo: What?
[An Instagram post of SNL appears where it’s written “FEB 19, Rocco, Rocco”.]
Michael Che: Oh, you see? Yes.
Elmo: Rocco is host and musical guest? [yelling] How?
Michael Che: [pulls Rocco near] Hold on. What’s that Rocco? [giggling] Yeah. That’s kind of true. Elmo do be doing that.
Elmo: Don’t gaslight Elmo. Come on, Mike. Elmo feel that Elmo going insane here.
Michael Che: You know, I really like this dude, man. Here, man. Have a cookie. [Michael Che puts a cooking on the small chair or Rocco]
Elmo: Can Elmo have a cookie?
Michael Che: Nah, I’m sorry man. That’s my last one.
Elmo: The last cookie? [starts shivering] The last cookie! It’s happening again. [shouting] Ah! Okay. That’s it! Paper covers rock. Prepare to die Rocco! [puts a paper on the rock and pushes it away]
Michael Che: Oh! Come on, man! Rocco’s family is here. [Cut to few rocks placed on audience seat]
Elmo: Elmo give up. I’m sorry.
Michael Che: Rocco, everybody.
Elmo: Rocco? But Elmo was the one who was your guest.
Michael Che: For Weekend Update, I’m Michael Che.
Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost. Goodnight.