Sarah Sherman[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Shiver me timbers. It’s cold here at 30 Rock. Here to talk about staying cozy in the winter weather is our very own Sarah Sherman.[Sarah Sherman slides in] [cheers and applause]
Sarah Sherman: Hi, Colin.
Colin Jost: Hey Sarah. So, you’re here to talk about the winter?
Sarah Sherman: That’s right. Winter rocks. All the bugs are dead. It’s amazing.
Colin Jost: Okay, so you don’t mind the cold at all.
Sarah Sherman: Collin. I’m cozy all winter long. I got pubes thicker than clothes.
Colin Jost: Oh, you don’t have to talk about your pubes, Sarah.
Sarah Sherman: Oh, I’m sorry. Does the bush stuff make you uncomfortable?
Colin Jost: I mean, I don’t know. A little.
Sarah Sherman: Okay, I’m sorry. [There’s a picture of a fake news article with title that says “Local female body inspector Colin Jost prefers hairless genitals”] This just in, local female body inspector Colin Jost, wishes his female coworker had hairless genitals like a blow up doll. Now, back to you Colin.
Colin Jost: That’s not– I don’t care about your body hair.
Sarah Sherman: Wow, Colin. Careful how you talk about my body. I’m basically your son’s age.
Colin Jost: So, you’re like six months old?
Sarah Sherman: You wish, sicko. You’d kill to change my diaper, wouldn’t you?
Colin Jost: Oh my god. Sarah, that’s disgusting.
Sarah Sherman: Oh, you think that’s disgusting? You know what’s disgusting? The cost of housing in New York, Colin.Can you believe? Yeah. Can you believe I have to pay $Sarah Sherman00 A month?
Colin Jost: You pay $Sarah Sherman00 for rent. Where do you live?
Sarah Sherman: Wow. [There’s a picture of a fake news article with title that says “Hamptons homeowner Colin Jost mocks comedian”] Wow! Breaking news. Hamptons homeowner Colin Jost mocks struggling comedian for finding a good deal by living in his dog house.
Colin Jost: You live in my dog house? Sarah, what do you want for me?
Sarah Sherman: $6,000.
Colin Jost: I’m not giving you 6 grand.
Sarah Sherman: Your funeral. [There’s a picture of a fake news article with title that says “Wealth-hoarding Hollywood husband Colin Jost-Hansson has not a dime to spare”] In other news, wealth-hoarding Hollywood husband Colin Jost has not a dime to spare for SNL’s underpaid rookie, even though she was going to donate that money to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital.
Colin Jost: You didn’t say that.
Sarah Sherman: And another thing. Can we talk about you and Che? It’s always ‘will they won’t they’ with you two. Why don’t you just get it over with and make out already?
Colin Jost: No. I’m not kissing Che.
Sarah Sherman: Wrong answer. [There’s a picture of a fake news article with title that says “Local sex bigot rejects queer love”] This just in. Local sex bigot Colin Jost violently rejects radical act of queer interracial Love.
Michael Che: You are so small minded, Colin.
Colin Jost: Alright, fine. You want to kiss? Let’s do it.[Colin Jost leans towards Michael Che to kiss.]
Michael Che: [avoiding kiss] Whoa! Whoa! Hey!
Sarah Sherman: Breaking news. Queer baiting Update anchor Colin Jost pretends to be gay for laughs.
Michael Che: Damn, Colin. You are the worst.
Colin Jost: Sarah Sherman, everyone.
Sarah Sherman: I want you guys to kiss.