Bowen Yang[Starts with Michael Che in his set]
Michael Che: Tracking consumer data has never been more difficult which makes purchasing trends even harder to predict. Here to talk about it are two trend forecasters.[Trend forecasters slide in]
Aidy: Oh, good evening, Michael.
Bowen: Good evening, yes.
Michael Che: How do you guys predict today’s most popular trends?
Aidy: Oh, well, we have 4000 computers. They’re all big. They all make charts and they beep loud.
Bowen: The numbers are in and the trends of today have been cast. Here is the report. Our first category is fashion trends. In, shirt too big for body.
Aidy: In, hat too small to head.
Bowen: In, the male cleavage.
Aidy: And out, shiny shoe. Shiny shoe, you’re out, so go back to hell.
Bowen: Stop flaunting your wealth, shiny shoe.
Aidy: We’re fighting a virus.
Bowen: If I see you on the street, I’ll stab you in the face.
Aidy: Go to bed, bitch.
Michael Che: Damn, seems like you guys hate shiny shoes.
Aidy: Shh! Shh! We have our next category.
Bowen: Men trends.
Aidy: In, dry calloused feet.
Bowen: In, doing the damn dishes.
Aidy: In, sobbing.
Bowen: And out, movie posters as decor.
Aidy: Movie posters as decor, get f-ed.
Bowen: Are you a band aid? Because I want to rip you off!
Aidy: Oh, grow up, Pulp Fiction poster. And be a damn painting.
Bowen: Movie posters as decor, go to bed!
Michael Che: Why do you guys keep sending things to bed?
Aidy: Because we aren’t allowed to send them to death.
Michael Che: What are you talking about?
Bowen: We’re talking trends. Emergency, emergency, we have our next category. Baby trends.
Aidy: In, wearing the smallest stuff they make.
Bowen: In, being twins.
Aidy: In, being burped by a friend.
Bowen: And out, dumping in that path and saying nothing.
Aidy: Baby, why are you doing that? That’s insane.
Bowen: This is a society. Eating Cheerios with a dump on your ass? No!
Aidy: These quiet legends need to speak up.
Bowen: Their silence is deafening.
Aidy: Get in your bed, that’s also a jail.
Michael Che: I’m sorry. I don’t understand. There’s no time to understand because it’s time for future trends.
Aidy: In, Euphoria: the feeling.
Bowen: In, AP US History.
Aidy: And oh-oh, back from hell. It’s shiny shoe. Congratulations, shoe.
Michael Che: What about the things that are gonna be out?
Aidy: Well, Michael, the computer only asked him three trends.
Bowen: And you know that they all have to be banished to hell for being out.
Aidy: Out, his cat eyeglasses
Bowen: Fidget spinner.
Aidy and Bowen: And Michael Che.[Michael Che wearing cat eyeglasses with a fidget spinner on his one hand.]
Michael Che: [yelling] No! The Trend forecasters, everybody.