SNL Transcripts: Rob Reiner: 10/25/75: Dangerous but Inept


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner

Dangerous but Inept

…..Jane Curtin
Squeaky Fromme…..Laraine Newman

[FADE IN on the caption “DANGEROUS BUT INEPT” against a blood-red background, then FADE to Jane Curtin on a talk show set with potted plants behind her. The caption lingers for a few seconds.]

Jane Curtin: Hi, I’m Jane Curtin, and welcome to another edition of “Dangerous but Inept.” Our guest this week is Squeaky…

[CUT to Laraine Newman as Squeaky, decked in a flowing red dress and a red shawl around her head. She stares at the camera with a deranged look.]

Jane Curtin: Infamous for her alleged attempt on the President’s life, and for her connection with the Manson family. Squeaky, welcome.

[Squeaky pulls a pistol out from under her dress and aims it at Jane’s stomach.]

Squeaky Fromme: Die, lackey pig!

[Squeaky pulls the trigger, but the gun snaps harmlessly. She glances down at it in dismay.]

Jane Curtin: [smoothly] One thing I’m sure our viewers would be interested in knowing is just how you came to be called “Squeaky.” Is that a nickname Charlie gave you?

Squeaky Fromme: He isn’t “Charlie,” he’s the Holy Redeemer! Bourgeois hog-face. Meet your maker.

[Again, Squeaky points and shoots, but the trigger only clicks. She frowns and looks inside the chamber to see if it’s loaded.]

Jane Curtin: [nonplussed] Squeaky, you, uh, made an alleged attempt on the President’s life in September…

Squeaky Fromme: [oblivious] Fawning fascist sycophant…

Jane Curtin: Now, what made you decide that you felt strongly enough to resort to the use of violence?

Squeaky Fromme: [over Jane] Make way for the TRUE revolution, you rat-dog.

[After Squeaky fires her empty pistol again, she cries pleadingly to the camera.]

Squeaky Fromme: So what if Charlie’s short?! He’s good, and he’s kind, and he only kills what he eats!!

Jane Curtin: Join us again next week for another edition of “Dangerous but Inept”…

Squeaky Fromme: [checks gun] Scum! Toiling dreamer of the status quo! Eat lead!

Jane Curtin: …for a chat with Sara Jane Moore. Good night.

[Squeaky’s empty pistol clicks again, then FADE to black over applause.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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