Benedict Cumberbatch Monologue

Benedict Cumberbatch

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Benedict Cumberbatch.

[Benedict Cumberbatch walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Benedict Cumberbatch: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so, so much. I am thrilled to be back hosting Saturday Night Live. It’s been a really fun, great week. I’ve got to be honest, though, because most of the sketch writers this week, they pitch me sketches every day and most were about Dr. Strange. [cheers and applause] It’s great. I love the guy. I love playing the character. The film is doing really well. But I have been in other films and no one said to me, “Like what?” And I said well, the power of the dog for example. And he said, “Nobody saw it.” I said “Come on, man. I was nominated for an Oscar for that.” I mean, I didn’t win. I was beat by Will Smith. Not physically, not physically.

I’m really honestly very honored to be hosting the Mother’s Day SNL show. And of course, I want to wish a very special Happy Mother’s Day to my mum. She’s actually on holiday in Greece at the moment. And SNL offered to fly her here, first class, and she said “No, I’m on a beach in Greece. Are you insane?” I love you mom.

When I was younger we use these weird funny names that we used to call each other. I called her Pooky and she called me Benedict Cumberbatch. That later I went off to a boarding school outside of London, you might have heard of it called Hogwarts. When I was there, she’d write these amazing letters home to me, these fantastic missives, and they had beautiful, beautiful drawings and illustrations on an incredible thing. So I can’t do that for her here, obviously, but I thought I’d use a bit of this monologue to thank her for all that she’s done for me.

Hey, mom, it’s me, your son, little Benedict. Thank you for always being there for me. You know, growing up every time I had a problem, you had a solution. For instance, when I lost my two front teeth, I was worried about being teased. But you said “It’s okay, just try and smile without opening your mouth.” That’s great advice. But it also explains why to this day in every red carpet photograph, I’m smiling like this. [a funny picture of Benedict Cumberbatch smiling appears] Seriously, though, mom, thank you. You’ve shown me so much love and support every step of the way. I love you Pooky.

And speaking of mothers, my wife Sophie is in the audience tonight and I’d like to wish her a happy Mother’s Day too. Hi, Sophie. It’s me your husband, little Benedict. I’m seriously in constant, constant aww of you. I mean for a start, you gave birth to our three beautiful boys and that alone is a minor miracle as any woman will tell you. Meanwhile, according to you, I was off dressing up as a wizard. Technically, it’s a sorcerer. Wizards have robes. I have a clock. It’s a thing. Don’t worry. But seriously, Sophie, I really hope that when you think about it, you realize that it evens out because if you think being a mum is hard, try doing this. [does hand gestures of Dr. Strange]

Oh yeah, just open the portal. You’re welcome. But really seriously, happy, Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there, all the grandmothers, all the caregivers, for everybody who does such an extraordinary job doing that. Especially to the two mothers in my life, my mum, Wanda Bentham and my wife, Sophie Hunter. And seeing all that you two have done for me and for our children. It truly warms my heart and puts a smile on my face, a smile like this. [smiles funnily]

We got a great show for you tonight.¬†Arcade Fire is here. So stick around. We’ll be right back.