[Starts with clips of a family enjoying Thanksgiving]
Female voice: Hosting Thanksgiving is a big job. Luckily, Target’s got you covered with incredible savings on everything you need for a perfect feast. Buy-One-Get-One deals on Classic Thanksgiving sides and sauces. And of course, butterball turkeys from $1.49 a pound. But hosting Thanksgiving also means hosting your family. And that can be a whole damn thing.
[Cut to family arguing at the dinner table]
That’s my target’s also got great deals on a bunch of stuff you’ll need specifically for them. Like, half off Nate’s Humane Tofurkey Loaf for your nieces annoying new boyfriend.
New Boyfriend: I don’t eat anything with feathers anymore. You know, I’ve watched that Netflix documentary. Horrifying. Horrifying what they do to these birds.
Female voice: And after dinner, the savings keep on coming with discounts on Wilson brand footballs so you can work off dinner in the backyard with the uncle who takes the game too seriously.
[Cut to family playing football at the back yard. One guy hits another guy really hard like it’s a real game.]
Uncle: Whoo! Second down.
Female voice: And for your dirtbag cousin, take 20% off motion sensor lights so he can smoke cigarettes in the driveway.
Cousin: [smoking at the drive. There’s a kid looking at him.] You wanna try, little man? And $50 off Apple noise canceling air pods for when grandpa weighs in on social issues.
Grandpa: The democrats, while that guy’s changed football to high heeled sleep. [a guy uses Apple noise canceling air pod to ignore the talk]
Female voice: Plus, take 30% off Purina brand dog food. Since someone in your family’s bringing their dog even though you ask them not to. [A dog is messing up the trashcan.]
And for kids, great deals on toys they can destroy when they’re left unsupervised in the basement. [Kids are destroying the toys in the basement]
Plus everyday low prices on wine and beer to get you through this conversation.
Grandma: You know who died? Jeannie Feldman.
Female voice: And this conversation.
New Boyfriend: The thing about crypto that’s so exciting is that it’s decentralized. Like if you think about the blockchain…
Female voice: Or this one.
Uncle: [to his neice] Hey, you brought your new girlfriend. She got some nice titties, huh?
Female voice: Plus, huge savings on family holiday must haves. BandAids, pain relievers, and of course more wine.
Uncle: Nice ass on her too.
Female voice: Hey, someone’s got to host your family for Thanksgiving. Ah, so if you do the short straw…
Ego: [washing dishes] Anyone gonna help me with these?
Female voice: Turn to target for everything your family needs.
Cousin: [drunk] Ay, just give me my keys. I drive around all the time.
[Cut to cousin sleeping on Target mattress]
Female voice: Target. Let’s do it all again at Christmas.