Male voice: And now, two men speak in the most beautiful gym in the world.
[Woody and Bowen are wearing suits, but they’re carrying weights]Bowen: Hello, mind if I use my kettlebells next to you?
Woody: Only if you’ll spot me.
Bowen: I already did, from across the room.
Woody: I like your suit. I always thought I was the only one here who wore one.
Bowen: Well, I’m coming from a wedding.
Woody: Whose?
Bowen: My own. Her name is Ashley or something.
Woody: She sounds beautiful.
Bowen: Well, she looks ugly. She has a face for a KN95. That’s why I come here to escape.
Woody: Me too. And the music exhilarates me, so can we turn it up, Morris?
[Morris is playing piano]Morris: Of course, sir.
Woody: That’s beautiful. What is that your playing?
Morris: A big piano, sir.
Woody: I thought so.
Bowen: So, is it leg day?
Woody: I don’t know. I don’t celebrate that in my culture.
Bowen: Of course. Well, it’s a cheat day for me.
Woody: Does that mean-
Bowen: I’m allowed to commit adultery. Yes.
Woody: I should tell you, I’m also married.
Bowen: Yes. I think our wives know each other from that lesbian relationship they’re in.
Woody: That’s right. How do you feel about that?
Bowen: I think it’s disgusting. One pair of boobies is bad enough. Say, do you have a favorite machine?
Woody: I like the one that makes the toast.
Bowen: I meant one at the gym.
Woody: Oh. I guess it’s a tie between the cobblestone treadmill and the stationary Vespa.
Bowen: This gym is so classy, it should be called James. Now excuse me, I’m going to use the rowing machine.
Woody: Boat rhymes with float. Coincidence? I think note. Wow, look at you go, girl.
Bowen: Thanks for noticing. I’ve really been going beast mode lately. And that I keep a beautiful rose under a bell drum.
Woody: Oh course. Oh shoot, I forgot my protein powder.
Bowen: I brought some.
Woody: Ah, may I borrow?
Bowen: Of course. How do you take it?
Woody: Here and here. [Bowen puts protein powder on Woody like putting on makeup] Good. Thank you. Are going to wipe the machine?
Bowen: Wipe? Why? Did it doo doo?
Woody: Did it doo doo? Ha-ha-ha-ha. That sounds like Morse code.
Bowen: Well, I was in the Army. BTS.
Woody: And I was in the Navy, Rihanna.
Bowen: I’ve never actually used that machine before. But I like how there’s a poster that shows you how to do the exercise.
[the poster shows two guys hugging]Woody: Ah! It looks like two fellows exploring each other’s bodies.
Bowen: It’s helpful either way. You know, this place can be so sensual. Look, my gym crush over there.
[There’s a very old person there.]Old guy: I see you.
Woody: What a hunk. This gym really is a place for everyone. Roid boys, yoga girls, gym rats.
Bowen: Look, there’s a gym rat over there. [There’s a rat carrying a dumbbell] Wow, what a great day at the most beautiful gym in the world. I’m beginning to think I’ve made a new best friend.
Woody: As have I, friend. Now shall we get back to our workout?
Bowen: Great idea. There’s nothing like a good old stretch. Oh no, I tore my ACL.
Woody: What does that stand for?
Bowen: My ass crack and legs.
Woody: Oh no, then I think we’ve done enough for today. We’ve already worked the most important muscle.
Bowen: The pictorials?
Woody: Close. The heart.
Male voice: This has been Two men speak in the most beautiful gym in the world.