Martin Herlihy[Starts with Ben Marshall, John Higgins, Martin Herlihy chilling in their office]
John: Dude, do you ever want to just go home, have a couple of drinks and just drive?
Ben: Cruise, right?
Martin: John, that’s drunk driving.
John: Oh, right. Right.[suddenly everything starts shaking. A portal appears and three old men walk in through the portal.]
Martin: Who the hell are you?
Old Martin: We’re you, from the future.
Old John: We’ve come back in time to deliver you a great warning.
Old Martin: In the future climate change has turned the planet into an uninhabitable–
Martin: First of all, hello. Can we talk about this first? Because this is crazy.
John: How are our lives going?
Ben: Are we rich? I had to ask. Are we rich?
Old Ben: No. Actually, in a lot of debt.
Ben: Oh, debt? Oh.
Martin: But family life’s good? We’re all married.
Old Martin: No! No woman can hold me down. Huh?
Martin: Oh, that’s pretty cool.
Old Martin: I’ve been through a really bad divorce. But if we can act now we can avoid total human extinction—
Martin: I don’t care.
Old Martin: What?
Martin: If you’re what I’m working towards, I’d honestly rather just die now. I mean, this is what happens to me? I get divorced so hard, I start dressing like Jared Leto.
Ben: You have way too many accessories for a man over 70.
John: And then you look at this guy. [at old Ben] It’s just like, oh!
Ben: mean, who do you think you’re fooling with that wig?
Old Ben: What wig?
Ben: What wig? Did you only age from the forehead down.
Old John: Show some respect over here, hah!
John: Stop. What the hell happened? Why are you way more Italian than I am?
Old John: Oh, ay!
John: Oh, ay! Why are you talking like that?
Old John: Talking like that?
John: This is a tragedy, dude. I turned into Paulie Walnuts.
Old Martin: Guys, we really need to get back to climate change.
Ben: Yeah, no. We’re so past that. Did you ever sail across the world?
Old Ben: Almost. But then my house burned down? On my birthday.
Ben: Why are you the saddest man I’ve ever seen in my life?
Old Ben: Stop playing into us. You’re the ones who made us this way.
Ben: Oh really? I made you put that wig on man. Dude. You just look like the ghost of Ed Sheeran
Old Ben: Suck it, weirdo.
Ben: The wig’s coming off[Ben starts to pull old Ben’s hair]
Old John: Get your hands off him before I call my guys on you.
John: Your guys? He is from the mafia?
Martin: Fine! Let the planet burn. We’re out of here.
Martin: Get out of here.
John: Oh, one last thing before we go. [looking at the camera] Live from New York, it’s Saturday night.
Ben: What is that, man?
John: Just go.